Protein World ran an ad on London subways, asking “Are you beach body ready?” It’s a fair question. It is almost summer. We all want to go to the beach. And we all want to look our best. But somewhere between liberal and fucking retarded, someone decided that there is no such thing as healthy, attractive, looking our best or even overweight. You are what you are. “Each body’s ready,” has been the health-shaming critics’ response. There is now a Facebook page and a hashtag #Eachbodysready. Mary Gibbs, one of the creators of the Facebook page has been outspoken. “We know there is no ‘ideal’ body. Everyone is different and everyone’s bodies are ready when they say they are,” she wrote in an email. “[T]he beach should be for fun and relaxation, not judgement and comparison. [It's] a reminder to advertisers that the public care[s], and will be heard on these issues. A reminder to us all that advertisers always have an agenda, which [does] not always put the individual’s needs first.”
And there were more healthy body shamers. Blythe Pepino, from the band Vault, who’s helped propel the hashtag said, “I was pretty unnerved by the posters.” She added, “It’s not uncommon to see ladies in lingerie, but the commoditization and sexualisation of ‘the beach body’ seems to have become a meme trending in our lives. It was too much for me to sit by and watch, so I decided to take action.” There’s even a Change.org petition with over 35,000 signatures to take down the ad campaign. But Protein World isn’t backing down. “It is a shame that in 2015 there are still a minority who aren’t focusing on celebrating those who aspire to be healthier, fitter and stronger,” a spokesperson told the London Evening Standard.
We’re all for not making anybody feel bad about the difficulty they may face or because of their body shape, but let’s not pretend there isn’t such a thing as healthy and unhealthy, fat, obese, ugly and damn you really were not ready to go to the beach in that bikini. Cause that girl in the Protein World ad, she’s ready. Are you?
Aloha Au Ia`oe is the way to say “I love you,” in Hawaii. It works cause we love Rihanna, in every way you could love a person without wanting any real commitment or to get to know them deeper than superficial infatuation. There are many forms of love and this is one. Rihanna was on the beach in Hawaii and it inspired our love and affection to a deeper level, to that “you look so good in white that we’ve not seen before,” kind of love, for something new from someone you care so deeply about but hardly know. You know what we mean.
Pushing on a half-century, 50, Kelly Bensimon is still cool and able to laugh at herself when her tits pop out, as they did recently when she was on location for a shoot in New York City. The used-to-be-model now Real Housewives of New York reality television star just couldn’t walk and keep her tits under wraps at the same time. It can be tough. We’re not above some 46-year-old nipple, so here goes…
Television, cable television, is getting so much better, as every channel competes to be kinkier than the other, especially the premium channels. Take a recent example, Karen Hassan is chained topless and whipped for “Vikings,” Season 3, Episode 10. Northern Irish, 33-year-old actress Karen plays Therese. And this medieval kink scene definitely made us pay attention.
“Showgirls” was a flog, a big flop. So much it basically killed Elizabeth Berkley’s career. But it is still a bit of a cult classic. It was after all, a big flop. It has been 20 years since “Showgirls” premiered on the silver screen. And Elizabeth Berkley felt the need to share her favorite scene on Instagram. Most of our favorite scenes were the ones that involved Elizabeth naked stripping. Not so for Elizabeth. Her fondest memory: “This was a rare moment during the filming of #showgirls where the director let the camera run and captured my authentic longing for my own dream to be a performer… In turn he captured #nomi’s longing, while watching the star of the show, Crystal .. I like this moment because it was a tiny moment in a scene where I wasn’t being pupeteered to mimic exact direction that was ultimately extreme and cartoon-ish. Tho I do love, and am grateful you guys love the #camp of it all!!”. We respectfully disagree with Elizabeth. Here’s our favorite scene:
We don’t know who thinks of this shit. Actually, in this case, we do. His name is Mark Sturkenboom. Mark decided, to be successful in business, it was time to think outside the box, or in this case the urn. Mark decided that widows might want to take the ashes of their late husband, stick them into the head of a dildo and vibrate to the good memories of what was. Weird shit. Speaking for himself, Mark said, “After a passing, the missing of intimacy with that person is only one aspect of the pain and grief.” And that wasn’t a bad start to a defense. Then he went back to weird. “I sometimes help an elderly lady with her groceries and she has an urn standing near the window with the remains of her husband. She always speaks with so much love about him but the jar he was in didn’t reflect that at all.” So Mark thought, give that old lady that he helps with her bags, another form of help, a dildo to put her husband in, for some geriatric masturbation. Weird shit. Mark got to thinking, “In that same period I read an article about widows, taboos and sex and intimacy and then I thought to myself ‘can I combine these themes and make an object that is about love and missing and intimacy?’” This why we do not recommend mushrooms, folks. Yes, you get a great fucking trip, but ideas like this start making sense, even when you aren’t twice baked and buttered out of your fucking mind.
That’s how Mark thought of 21 Grams, the dildo urn. “The urn offers the possibility to conserve 21 grams of ashes of the deceased and displays an immortal desire.” This is also why it is important to have friends other than the old lady who’s grocery bags you carry across the street. To gut check you on this kind of mushroom-induced bad ideas. Not one single part of this makes any sense. It’s just all around weird shit.
Iggy Azalea is putting her ass to work. She’s now an underwear model, because God knows her short stint as a white rapper was getting on everyone’s nerves. She’s a “Bonds girl.” No, not a “Bond girl,” as in the James Bond franchise, cause that is for girls who are attractive. No, she’s a “Bonds girl,” that’s plural, and it’s an Australian underwear line, celebrating its 100th year anniversary by bringing Iggy on board as a brand ambassador. (Proving that any ugly girl with a big ass can can be an Australian ambassador.) Bonds is happy. Iggy is happy. “It was something I wanted to be involved with because it’s an iconic Australian brand; we grew up seeing who was going to be the next Bonds girl and I remember Miranda Kerr doing it,” she said. But not all Aussies were feelin’ the deal. Bonds took some heat on Facebook, with loyal customers promising to return their underwear (gross) and swear off the brand completely, which is all to say Iggy’s big ass remains controversial.
We can’t help but wish a happy belated birthday to Sasha Shevchenko, one of the founders of FEMEN (it was last Friday). If you don’t know FEMEN and Sasha, they and she are responsible for encouraging women across the world to protest by writing their outrage across their bare breasts. We can’t think of any better form of protest, (you might be tempted to think that writing it across their ass or pussy might be better, but we remind you that not all women and cultures believe in grooming down there, so we’ll pass and go with breasts). Here’s to Sasha, for making the world a better place, at least aesthetically, cause looking at grungy protestors in their militant boy clothes is just depressing. Keep topless sextremism alive!
You can pretty much call yourself a supermodel when you are just standing around and you make a sexy photoshoot. Now we aren’t so naive as to believe that Victoria’s Secret model Elsa Hosk was just standing around for this shoot in Malibu, but we like to believe, like Beyonce said, she woke up like this.
It was only last month that Gisele Bundchen announced that she is retiring from the runway and no longer doing catwalks, cause Tom Brady is cashing Super Bowl checks. “Gisele will focus on special projects and also spending more time on her number one priority: her family,”Patricia Bündchen, Gisele’s sister and representative said at the time. Now we know what that means. Gisele isn’t on the runway but a pedestal fully nude for Vogue Brazil. We appreciate the change of focus. Being the highest paid supermodel for eight years running can be boring and too safe. And at 34, Gisele is in her twilight years for a model, and probably living on borrowed time according to some. But with the infatuation with MILF these days, she’s probably got another good 10 years. Speaking on her Brazil spot, Gisele said “I did not want to do something just fashion. I wanted to show something else, something that was part of my essence.” Translation: at 34, if you’re not showing your ass, your aren’t getting covers anymore.
Lindsay Pelas has outdone…everybody. This video is what every man wants for his birthday, Christmas and anniversary. It is better than any Kate Upton or Charlotte McKinney video we have seen. Lindsay is naturally top heavy, and this video is an homage to her wonderful bounty, as it flops from side to side and up and down everywhere. We’ve already watched it 247 times and counting…
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Nude fitness centers would be a much greater inspiration to get to the gym and work out. Yeah, we get things don’t always turn out the way you expect them, and a nude gym is likely to be packed with naked guys and women who should be naked, but definitely should be in a gym. But there would be one, you know what we mean, if you go to the gym, one that would make it all worth while. Naked fitness, let’s start the trend….
Remy in ‘REMY2′ (Remy LaCroix)
Maitland Ward is a Good Friend on Facebook! (BoobieBlog)
Courtnie Quinlan – Page 3 (TopBabesBlog)
Jessica Alba the Maxim Covergirl in 2014 (LaxTime)
I Like Big Butts and Science Knows Why! (MrPinks)
Slut-Shaming: Pornstars Are People Too (Rachael Madori)
Wendy’s Tumblr Account (Alrincon)
Gigi Hadid Cameltoe Poolside (TaxiDriverMovie)
Amber Rose – Liverpool candids (BeautifulAndBusty)
There are some great jobs out there, like brothel inspector. But let’s say you went to college, got a degree in Hebrew and found, other than working at temple, you can’t get a real job. Worry not, Gilbert, 37, works in a niche that might just appeal. He translates and subtitles foreign porn into Hebrew from English for the Tel Aviv company Trans Titles (trans in this instance meaning across languages, not across sex, as in the more popular transgender). And there’s a demand, since most domestically produced Israeli porn is too vanilla. And the things produced for television isn’t much better. “The stuff we get for TV is pretty vanilla,” he said of the foreign X-rated offerings. “There’s no kinkiness, no fetishes, no bondage.” Gilbert, however, finds his job rather easy since porn dialogue isn’t too complicated, he said: “Ooh,” “aah,” “Oh, God, Oh, God,” and “Want to go at it again?” Gilbert’s niche is propped up by Israeli law, which requires the translation and subtitling of all foreign film or television.
But it seems Gilbert has become immune to all the porn he watches. “You just zone out for two, three hours and move on” to the next assignment, he said. “I’ve seen enough porn for two lifetimes: straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, midget,” he added. And while Gilbert isn’t quitting any time soon, he still wonders what’s the point? “I can understand why you’d have a storyline leading to the sex scene,” he said, “but why do you have to subtitle the sex scene? No guy … is going to read the dialogue.”
Jay Hart fucked a fatty in his team dug-out. He used to play for Clitheroe FC, that was, until a video of him fucking a blonde woman in the team dug-out surfaced and blew up on social media. He was wearing his club t-shirt, and that pretty much sealed his fate. Clitheroe chairwoman Anne Barker said in an official statement, “Following a NON-FOOTBALL RELATED incident at Mossley AFC yesterday. Jay Hart has been dismissed from the club.” Regarding the fuck session, she said, “It has brought the club into disrepute and it’s not proper for him to scupper our reputation. I expect our players to act professionally.”
Jay has a girlfriend, Bryony Hibbert, who by all accounts is standing by her man, even while he was balls deep in another woman’s pussy. Instead of dropping Jay like the team, she lashed out at social media (cause social media caused him to dip his dick into a chunky blonde.). “Have a bit of decency for the people it’s affected,” she said in a post that was later removed. “Thank God my kids are too young to read. It’s disgusting. I bet their families are far from perfect.” While Jay is, of course, remorseful now, on the video he can be seen laughing as he pounds away at his blonde paramour. We’re with Jay on this one. He’s an athlete. What did you expect? Obviously the team was not paying him enough so he could afford a room, or bang the girl in his Bentley like NBA players do… It’s time for Clitheroe FC to man up and take some responsibility for underpaying their players to the point they have to fuck fat groupies in the dug-out. It’s a shame.
Gia Genevieve is voluptuous and beautiful. If you look at her webpage, she describes herself aptly, as “most recognized for her natural voluptuous curves and retro style,” having “always been fascinated by old Hollywood glamour and got her start modeling in the rockabilly subculture doing shoots for retro clothing brands and classic car magazines.” Gia hadn’t been on our radar until now, because of her recent shoot with Terry Richardson. In case you were wondering about that voluptuous shape, Gia is 26, 5’8″, 135lbs, and a 34DD-26-36, and yeah, we’d call that voluptuous.