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EMILY RATAJKOWSKI CALLS OUT MADAME FIGARO FOR FIXING HER TITS AND LIPS

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Madam Figaro magazine fixed Emily Ratajkowski’s tits and lips for new cover. Emily was not happy. She posted a side-by-side of the fixed cover against the original picture, on her Instagram, saying, “Everyone is uniquely beautiful in their own ways. We all have insecurities about the things that make us different from a typical ideal of beauty. I, like so many of us, try every day to work past those insecurities. I was extremely disappointed to see my lips and breasts altered in photoshop on this cover. I hope the fashion industry will finally learn to stop trying to stifle the things that make us unique and instead begin to celebrate individuality.” We’re not exactly sure when models completely forgot what industry they were in, or why guys and girls pay out the ass to see them in pictures, or whether this is just self-righteous bullshit from models who know exactly what is going on, but just don’t want to appear like they know, cause body-positive is popular. But either way, we gotta call bullshit. This ain’t the first time some photographer has fixed Emily’s tits, and as she continues to push to 30, it won’t be the last.



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LINDSEY PELAS BIKINI SO TIGHT SHE MIGHT AS WELL BE NAKED

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Fall has officially begun, but all around the United States, it feels like July (global warming). While normally it is flannel time, women are still rocking bikinis (global warming). Lindsey Pelas, who wanted everyone to know what it feels like, posted a skin tight bikini shot that was so skin tight, it really didn’t cover up much. She said, “What the first day of fall really feels like”. Usually it’s chilly weather that gets nipples that pokey, but we are living in different times (global warming). And if we gotta go out this way, we’ll at least go happy, looking at Lindsey.



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HERE’S LOOKING AT NICKI MINAJ’S NIPPLES, AND NICKI LOOKING BACK

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Nicki Minaj ain’t afraid. She ain’t of Instagram or putting her nipples out cause that’s what makes shit move. It’s how the world moves. Nipples. Nipples. Nipples. Nicki recently posted hers (behind a transparent top) onto her Instagram page, saying, “Here’s lookin at you, kid”. Well, damn, here’s lookin back, Nicki.



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NAKED IN THE STREETS

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#FreeTheNipple and #ButtsInNature (we made that last one up, but it accurately hashtags the movement on Instagram) all seem to be aiming too low. The privilege to flash one body part nude in public just ain’t enough. We want full nude. If there is a subversive movement to get that started, it would be fully body paint in public. Get naked in the streets, people.

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DANNII HARWOOD SAYS SHE MAKES BANK POSING NUDE, BUT WON’T SHOW HER PUSSY

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Dannii Harwood is a Welsh glamour model with a decent size following on her Instagram page. Danii’s only glamour, she won’ show her pussy, she recently said in an interview. “My limitations are Playboy-style nude – so I’ll go naked but with my legs together. I’m currently single but my true friends are very supportive of my career.” Keeping it classy (well, relatively classy) also helps Dannii maintain her support system. “They also understand that I am respectful of myself and have limitations I wouldn’t go beyond,” she added about her family. And it helps Dannii pull down bank. She claimed she is “on par with a long-haul pilot,” in terms of her income. We don’t really know what a long-haul pilot is or how much he or she would make, but we assume it’s a lot. “I’m mortgage-free at an early age and I’ve been able to travel the world making memories and supporting my family.” At 35, Danni has some 140,000 followers on Instagram. And we’d be willing to pay her mortgage any day, though, we’d want to see pussy.







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MARION COTILLARD FULLY NUDE FRONTAL FOR FRENCH FILM

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French actress Marion Cotillard, 41, stripped fully nude in French film “Les Fantômes d’Ismael,” which translates to Ismael’s Ghosts. The movie premiered at the Cannes Film Festival in May before its theatre release in Russia last month to mixed reviews. Marion plays Carlotta Bloom, the ex-wife of Ismaël Vuillard (played by co-star Mathieu Amalric), who vanished mysteriously 20 years ago, leading Ismael to spend 10 years searching for her before declaring her dead. In the scene, depicting her return, she stands in front her husband and pulls down her robe exposing herself fully nude for the camera. Speaking about the scene, Marion said: “Let’s imagine you’re with your wife, in bed or anywhere, like here and then all those people are watching … cameras, like 50 people are watching. Do you still find it sexy? But it’s a beautiful love scene.” Well, since we’re on the other side of the production, we definitely find it sexy. And we still think we would even with 50 people in the room. Apparently Marion’s never been to a strip club. She added, talking about doling the nude scene with her co-star, “We rehearse and had a very determined choreography, and then it allows you freedom. When you know exactly what your body will do, then you can act and you can be free to give the emotions and give the feelings because you won’t think, ‘What am I going to do next? Am I going to go on top of him?’ It’s an awkward situation… We laughed because you need to get it out because this is so weird. And so you get this time of looking at each other and saying: ‘OK, this is so weird.’ And then we go into this and then I’m going on top of you and then we are going to kiss.”







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CAN YOU SPOT THE SEX WORKER?

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In a room of random stranger, where 5 of the 10 were sex workers, including porn actors, a paid escort and a webcam host, could you spot the sex workers? Video production company Cut asked four people to interview 10 strangers and do just that. So from the start, everyone had a 50-50 shot of guessing correctly. But still they’d didn’t really do better than 50-50. Think you can do better?



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KIM KARDASHIAN BEACH BODY NOT EXACTLY UP TO KARDASHIAN STANDARDS, BUT STILL NEWSWORTHY

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Kim Kardashian set social standards of beauty and sex appeal. But ironically, as she ages, now 36, Kim is measured against her own standards, and of course she is not the Kim of 10 years ago. But even the aging Kim is something to talk about. New pictures of Kim in Malibu prove that. While maybe not as firm as before, Kim’s still got assets.

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ALMOST FLYING

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We can’t claim to completely understand the aerodynamics of flight. It has something to do with speed and lift and concepts well above our ability to grasp. We don’t understand why bees can fly but chickens can’t. But we do understand that no matter how flappy of tits a girl has, she ain’t taking off anytime soon, though, it is fun to watch.

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GET DRUNK, GET NAKED IN PUBLIC, STUDY SAYS 1 IN 3 PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT (MOST WILL DO IT A FEW TIMES BEFORE THEY GO TO REHAB)

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Addiction.com did a survey, appropriately titled, “Bad and Boozy,” looking at the shit people get into when drunk. “There are a few primary indicators you can look for after a night out that might tell you if you’ve had too much to drink,” said authors of the study released Wednesday. “Some may be a bit more obvious than others. … If you wake up in jail, or with little memory of the events that may have transpired to get you there, it’s probably a safe bet that you had too much to drink,” authors added. Well, no shit. But they did crank out some interesting numbers. For example, 9% of the 2,000 survey subjects across the U.S. had been arrested while drunk. And 6% of subjects set fires, while 3% got a tattoo while under the influence. “We ran this study in the hopes that it will reach people that need help but don’t know where to turn,” a survey spokesman said.

The most interesting statistic for our purpose was that 39% of people have removed clothing in public while under the influence of alcohol. What else is there to say then, except, Pour it up, pour it up!

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JANUARY JONES POSTING NIPPLES TO INSTAGRAM TO LET YOU KNOW SHE STILL EXISTS

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Nipples are the standard by which celebrities maintain relevance. We don’t create social norms (not yet anyway), we just adhere to them. Show your tits, get attention. Don’t show your tits, well, you better have some real talent and even then, you gotta show your tits, and maybe even a cum shot facial (case in point, Maggie Gyllenhaal). January Jones just did it. She took to Instagram, just before a celebratory cruise to promote her show Last Man On Earth in Los Angeles, to show her tits in a see through black top. Insta-relevance.



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ANA DE ARMAS’ TITS AND ASS FEATURE PROMINENTLY IN THE NEW PREVIEW OF BLADE RUNNER 2049

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The world just got a preview of Blade Runner 2049, and what stands out is how prominently actress Ana de Armas’s ass and tits feature into the preview. The 29-year-old Cuban isn’t all that busty or shapely, but she is just about all there is to talk about from the preview. Even with actors Harrison Ford, Jared Leto, and Ryan Gosling (well, who really gives a shit about Ryan Gosling), in the film, Ana de Armas is the best part of the preview, hands down.



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WHEN HALLE BERRY SHITS, EVERYBODY LISTENS….ERRRR, WATCHES (NOPE, STILL GROSS)

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There are an untold millions of things we would love to watch Halle Berry do naked. Taking a shit is not one of them. But Halle posted it anyway, saying on Instagram, “When 2M followers walk in on you. Love to all of you!” Not cool, Halle. Not into it. If you want to take pictures of yourself shitting, that’s up to you. But sharing it on Instagram. Not cool. Just give us good old fashion porn.



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PORNLAND LINKS

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Picture 24 The Nip SlipKarlie Kloss Pokies at NY Fashion Week!

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