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MEN, STUDY SAYS THE SECRET TO LONG LIFE IS STARING AT TITS AND HAVING LOTS OF SEX (AND SOME OTHER THINGS)

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Fuck eating healthy and exercise. According to Medical Daily, although debunked, suggests that men staring at women’s tits can help prolong life, explaining that, according to Men’s Health, “staring at breasts or looking at cute animals benefit a man’s health by creating a positive mindset. Pleasant emotions can help both men and women make better decisions about their health.” It also quoted a BMJ study, saying also that “sex could have a protective effect on a man’s health. Mortality risk was reduced by as much as 50 percent and life expectancy increased by three to eight years in the group who reported more orgasms.” So tits and sex equals longer life. Medical Daily also mentioned getting married, having kids, accepting more responsibility and having a “Dad Bod” as factors potentially contributing to longer life in men. But we stopped reading at staring at tits and having lots of sex. That was a prescription we could get down with. So stop and stare. Here’s to good health.

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sMASS1

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OHIO FINALLY MAKES BESTIALITY ILLEGAL, SO THE ZOO SEX PARTIES ARE OVER

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It has long been legal for people to have sex with animals in Ohio (commonly known as bestiality), at least there was no direct law against it. It has been illegal just about everywhere else. Cause we always get reports of some woman fucking a dog in Arizona and going to jail. Like every week. It is just about as bad as the weekly reports of some female teacher fucking a male student. Ohio’s bestiality law finally went into effect last week. It got enough votes to pass in December, it seems because it was incorporated into a bill that bars local jurisdictions from raising the minimum wage or regulating pet stores, according to the The Dayton Daily News. People having sex with animals in Ohio (aside from being fucked up generally), could face up to 90 days in jail and have the animal seized and impounded. In addition, Ohio thought it would be a good idea that they also be ordered to undergo psychological evaluation or counseling. Rep. Jim Hughes, who sponsored the anti-bestiality measure with fellow Republican Sen. Jay Hottinger, described bestiality as “sickening and perverse.” “We don’t want Ohio to be the place you can come and have sex with an animal,” he said. Well, at least that all got settled.

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sBEST1

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PAIGE RELEASED STATEMENT ABOUT HER SEX TAPE AND NUDE PICTURES IN THE FAPPENING 2.0

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So there are always two sides to every story. On one side, you have millions and millions of privacy invading perverts (also known as you), who are pouring over the glut of nude celebrity pictures leaked in the Fappening 2.0. On the other side, you have the celebrities who were leaked. WWE Diva Paige was leaked. At first last week, she said, “Personal and private photos of mine were stolen and unfortunately they were shared publicly without my consent.” Last night, Paige shared what she has been going through, and it was kind of sad:

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“I made a big mistake. Huge. I put trust in the hands of someone that took advantage of a young girl years ago. It was my mistake and I’ll always take responsibility. The one thing that was the hardest was thinking ‘my husband is gonna leave me’, ‘my family will disown me’, but I’m blessed beyond words to have a family and a husband that stuck by me because they know who I am. As my husband says ‘you may feel like the devil is throwing you into a storm, but just remember, you are the storm’.”

“And he’s right. But we are human.”

“Unfortunately people don’t see it that way when they are behind a keyboard. They don’t think that we have feelings or that we don’t suffer.”

“Not only was I a victim of viral humiliation but a victim of cyber bullying.”

“I had days where I wanted to physically harm myself. Not only for what millions was telling me but because my family and my husband were suffering the same fate from the internet because of my mistake. It made me and Alberto wonder how people who aren’t as mentally strong as us can handle this? How many people have to suffer because of the internet and the cowards behind the keyboard. Or how many men and women have fell into the same trap as me and made those mistakes?”

“That’s why we are taking this massive negative and making some kind of positive. We wanna bring those people to justice and also take down the ones who are trolls, with lack of a better term.”

“Bring awareness. Bring help to those who don’t have the tools or the mental strength to do this themselves. To show men and women alike to always think about their future before they do something that may cause a butterfly effect later in life. Now I know through all of this is. No one will make me feel bad about my mistakes, I already know what they are already and I already feel bad. But Alberto and I together can also make a change. My mistake could help people’s futures. Think. Before you act.”

“Anyways. Onwards and upwards. Only happiness. No longer talking about anything. Just looking into the future and being happy! I mean come on, I’m getting married? How can I not be happy!!!!”


While we were moved, we still see both sides. And you perverts just won’t be moved.

sPAG1 sPAG2

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AFTER DESTROYING HILLARY CLINTON’S SHOT TO BE PRESIDENT, HUMA ABEDIN STILL GIVE DICK PIC FLASHER ANTHONY WEINER A FIFTEENTH CHANCE NOT TO BE A PERVERT

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Huma Abedin is truly the Woman of the Century. She is the epitome of standing by your man. After Anthony Weiner fucked the former Washington power couple, over and over and over again, by getting caught repeatedly exposing himself to women online, and after his dick pic scandal cost Hillary Clinton the White House (remember, the FBI had to announce a second investigation after it discovered more information on Anthony Weiner’s computer, since Huma was Hillary’s right hand woman), after all of that, Huma is still giving Anthony an opportunity to change his online public pervert ways. They split back in August, one day after reports that Anthony sent another explicit pic of himself to a woman, this time showing his toddler son asleep beside him. But it seems now all is forgiven. “Huma has been working hard on her relationship with Anthony,” said a source close to the family. “He has been spending 80 to 90 percent of his time at the [Irving Place apartment] they share … If there is a disagreement, he goes to his mother’s apartment in Brooklyn.” The source added, “Both [his and her] families are hoping they will reconcile.” Anthony completed outpatient therapy for sex addiction last year, and is continuing treatment in New York City. “A lot of [their] friends believe this is an illness, that he is sick,” said the friend. But “Huma takes it into consideration that there’s been no affair, or physical contact that anybody is aware of. He never met [the women].” Another source, who worked closely with the Clintons, corroborates Huma’s desire to reconcile, saying the breakup was “more for optics for the campaign and [under] pressure from Hillary’s camp.” What the fuck?

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THERE ARE RUMORS OF A BRITNEY SPEARS SEX TAPE AND THAT WOULD BE THE HOLY GRAIL OF THE FAPPENING 2.0

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According to Radar Online there is a Britney Spears sex tape and they have seen it. It supposedly shows Britney topless grinding on top of an unidentified male, while she’s smoking what appears to be a fat joint. Radar says it has decided not to publish the tape, however. But it claims to have talked with an insider close to Britney, who it claims said she is aware of the sex tape and fears its release. “She’s totally mortified and not coping well at all. Every time she thinks she’s finally put the past to bed, something comes back to haunt her! A seedy sex tape is more than she can handle right now!” Radar credits the insider as saying. We have not seen any evidence of a sex tape in the Fappening 2.0. No screen shots, nothing. Now, this circulating sex tape may have nothing to do with the Fappening 2.0 and it may not exist at all. We are waiting with baited breath. A Britney Spears sex tape, yeah, it is about as close to the cup of Christ as you can get in the celebrity sex tape world.



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MARRIED FEMALE TEACHER CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH STUDENT HAS THE BIGGEST SHIT-EATING GRIN MUGSHOT OF ALL TIME

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Sarah Fowlkes, 26, is a married Texas teacher, who was busted for having sex with a 17-year-old student. She was suspended from her job as an anatomy and physiology teacher at Lockhart High School after turning herself in to police on Monday, and just having finished celebrating her birthday with her husband, who somehow seems to have forgiven her. Sarah allegedly engaged in “sexual content with the intent to arouse or gratify the sexual desire.” “Their contact was of a sexual nature,” the police said. It must have been some birthday party, because Sarah still had the biggest shit-eating, fuck-you-all grin when she took her mugshot. And it has to be the best of the year. Sarah wrote on her page on the school’s website, “I have very high expectations of myself as a teacher as well as of my students and I hope that this will be a formula for achievement. I want this to be an enjoyable year for all of my students but also a productive, challenging and encouraging year with success for everyone.” It was certainly enjoyable for one student. Sarah’s page on the school website has now been removed.

sSAR1

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ADULT BRAND CEREAL LIKE PORN FLAKES, WE LIKEY

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A London-based startup called Cereal Motel has got a few brands you are no likely to see in your local grocery store. Cereal Motel is selling Vice Krispies, Porn Flakes, Booty Pops, and Sugar Tits, for a cost of 9.99 euros, which is about $10.80. We can’t say whether any of theses cereals are any good. We suspect they likely taste like shit and are passing on a catchy name and box cover. But we like catchy names and box covers.

sCER1 sCER2

sCER3 sCER4

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MOST AMERICANS ARE HAVING SEX WITHOUT CONDOMS

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Let us bottom line this for you: A new survey from Superdrug Online Doctor reported that over 65% of Americans have sex without using a condom. It gets worse. A full 34.5% of Americans reported that they “Never” use condoms. The survey was conducted online with 1,000 Americans and 1,000 Europeans. Europeans were just as risky, with 55% of them reporting that they had sex without using a condom. And a full 44.9% of them said, “Never.” It gets worse still. Over 68% of people said that they “never” asked their partners to get tested for STD’s before having sex. That leaves a substantial number of Americans and Europeans having unprotected sex without even knowing whether their partners have a sexually transmitted disease. We all obviously need to take another lesson from Snoop Dogg, when he rapped, “But um, back to the lecture at hand / Perfection is perfected, so I’ma let ’em understand / From a young G’s perspective /And before me dig out a bitch I have to find a contraceptive / You never know, she could be earning her man / And learning her man, and at the same time burning her man / Now, you know I ain’t with that shit, Lieutenant / Ain’t no pussy good enough to get burnt while I’m up in it /And that’s realer than Real-Deal Holyfield / And now you hookers and hoes know how I feel / Well, if it’s good enough to get broke off a proper chunk / I’ll take a small piece of some of that funky stuff”. Damn, right. Ain’t no pussy good enough to get burnt while we up in it. Snoop Dogg.



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WEEKEND EDITION: LACEY BANGHARD SUCKING HUGE BLACK COCK LEAKED PICTURES

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Lacey Banghard’s name already sounds like she’s a porn star, but in reality she’s only a British nude glamour model. We have loved Lacey from her Page 3 topless appearances for years now. And while we have a lot of respect for Lacey, and anyone’s privacy, she was hacked recently in the Fappening 2.0. And her monster black cock sucking pictures are now part of everyone’s daily business. It’s a little beyond our uncensored limits to show you the raw leaked shots. We edited them to blur out the least amount possible, but still not cross into porn. If you just need to see Lacey sucking black cock, you can see the uncensored pictures over here.

sLACE5E sLACE6E

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WEEKEND EDITION: ELIZABETH RUIZ IS IN THE FAPPENING 2.0, SOME MIGHT CALL IT KARMA, OR RIGHTEOUS JUSTICE

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Karma is a motherfucker, there is no doubt about that. Elizabeth Ruiz has put out some bad karma over the years. She made a sex tape with Denver Broncos’ Von Miller. “Me and Von ended up having sex in a room,” Elizabeth said. “While we were having sex, he was like, ‘We should record this….’ When I finally give in, I’m like, ‘Okay, we’ll record this.’ So I pulled out my phone and we started recording. The whole time, everything was consensual.” Von said she tried to extort $2.5 million for the tape. Elizabeth claims her lawyers approached Von’s people and negotiated for the sex tape to be returned. His people said $2.5 million, she said. Von never paid. Instead he went to court and got an order preventing Elizabeth from releasing the tape and requiring her to turn over any copies. Elizabeth later said she kept the tape, “Because I used it to play with myself.” Then she moved on to call out Washington Redskin’s DeSean Jackson on his dick size. “I mean I can tell you who has a small one,” she said when “Hollywood Unlocked” radio host Jason Lee asked if Miller had a “big weenie.” “…DeSean Jackson,” she added, “Man, he’s built like an Asian.” (So she really trashed both DeSean and Asian as a whole.) DeSean’s girlfriend Kayla Phillips wasn’t going to let it slide, “Wasn’t too small for you to suck and fuck tho (sic). Never speak on another woman’s man. Now we have an issue,” she commented on Baller Alert’s Instagram post about what Ruiz said.

Now it appears the Fappening 2.0 has given Elizabeth a bit of Karma. It appears that the face pictures released were non-nude. As always, there were full nudes as well, but without Elizabeth’s face, it makes for an easy denial, though none has come yet. Elizabeth has had leaked pictures before. Karma gives and keeps on giving.

sRUIZ2 sRUIZ1

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PORNHUB WANTS YOU TO SAVE HELP SAVE THE PANDAS BY CREATING COSPLAY PANDA PORN

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Pornhub.com is on a mission to help save the pandas with porn. Here’s the problem, according to Pornhub: “Giant pandas are one of the world’s most vulnerable populations and currently on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species, the world’s most comprehensive inventory of global conservation status of plant and animal species. The main reason stems from male pandas’ reluctance to fornicate. Male pandas spend an average of 16 hours a day eating and generally sleep for the rest of it. Female pandas – who are sexually receptive only two or three days each year – have a very slim chance of mating with males because of their inactivity.”

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Here’s the solution, according to Pornhub: “To get pandas in the mood again, scientists and zookeepers have resorted to various methods to encourage fornication, including using ‘panda porn’ that helps to increase these cuddly little tumblers’ sexual appetite. However, there aren’t many videos readily available and most of them are of poor quality. Pornhub is inviting its viewers to film their own ‘panda porn’ that zookeepers can show pandas to encourage them to get it on. Those who are interested simply need to slip into a panda costume, or use black and white body paint, and get it on…panda style. Fans are encouraged to upload their videos to Pornhub’s new ‘Panda Style’ category with the intention that scientists can use it as a resource for their panda breeding efforts.”

For every “Panda Style” upload, Pornhub offered to donate $100 to panda preservation charities (through the end of yesterday, which was National Panda Day (March 16)), and make additional donations to those videos that racked up the most views. You can check some of the uploads here.

sPAND1



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MISCHA BARTON SPEAKS OUT ABOUT HER SEX TAPE

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Mischa Barton went to court to prevent her sex tape from becoming public. She won. So no Mischa Barton sex tape for the foreseeable future. But it wasn’t enough for Mischa to stop the world from watching her have sex, she also held a press conference with her lawyer, you guessed it, Gloria Allred. Her goal, according to Mischa was to spare other women from going through a similar experience of the same “pain and humiliation”. “I came forward to fight this not only for myself but for all the women out there,” she said. “I want to protect them from the pain and humiliation that I have had to go through. No woman should have to go through this.” She continued: “My absolute worst fear was realised when I realised that someone I thought I loved and trusted was filming my most intimate and private moments without my consent, with hidden cameras. Then I learned something even worse: that someone is trying to sell these videos and make them public. It is a very hard thing to do but I am glad that I am finally standing up for myself.” Bottom line: No Mischa Barton sex tape.

sMICS1

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TEN NAVAL OFFICERS CHARGED IN SEX FOR SECRETS SCANDAL, AND IT IS CLEAR THE MILITARY HAS A SEX PROBLEM

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Some people believe that young, jacked, and testosterone-fueled military servicemen, sequestered from any real physical relationship with women for extended periods at a time, are going to have normal healthy attitudes towards sex and women. Get fucking real. With military scandal after scandal involving sex, people can’t really keep deluding themselves much longer. And while women are the victims, so too are the men. You can only ask so much of a guy, realistically. We’re justifying any behavior, we’re just saying, there’s a larger problem that gets ignored when people are just looking at the symptoms. Another symptom is rocking the Navy this week, as ten senior naval officers were charged in a sex for secrets scandal. The officers reportedly referred to themselves as “the Cool Kids,” “the Band of Brothers,” “the Brotherhood,” “the Wolfpack,” “the familia,” and “the Lion King’s Harem.” And according to the allegations of the U.S. Attorney Southern District of California the officers worked together to help Singapore-based defense contractor Leonard Glenn Francis, also known as “Fat Leonard,” and his company, Glenn Defense Marine Asia (GDMA), access military secrets in exchange for luxury travel, extravagant dinners, and sex parties with prostitutes.

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The company reportedly overbilled the Navy $34 million, aided by the group who were working in concert with Fat Leonard and his company to win defense contracts to provide port services to U.S. Navy ships, to redirect ships to ports controlled by Fat Leonard in southeast Asia (in order to overbill the Navy for supplies and services), to sabotage competing defense contractors, to recruit new leaders coming into the Seventh Fleet, and to keep the conspiracy secret through the use of code names and foreign email services. The indictment named Navy Rear Admiral Bruce Loveless , chief of staff to the Commander of the Navy’s Seventh Fleet David Newland, Captains David Newland, James Dolan, Donald Hornbeck and David Lausman; Marine Corps Colonel Enrico DeGuzman; Commander Mario Herrera; Lt. Commander Stephen Shedd and Chief Warrant Officer Robert Gorsuch.



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DAMN FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP CAN’T CATCH A BREAK, LIL’ BOW WOW JUST THREATENED TO PIMP HER OUT

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We have no idea what society has come to. There is just no respect anymore, not even for revered institutions like the Office of the First Lady. Who hates on a First Lady? And at a point when we have the sexiest First Lady ever, who posed nude, why all the hate? Well, perhaps because her husband, President Donald Trump inspires it. Like today. Snoop Dog made a video shooting a Donald Trump look-a-like in the head. It was probably over the line. Again, no respect. But it ain’t like Donald is all that respectful himself. So if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. And it’s Snoop Dogg, so no harm, no foul, and it was funny. So Donald Trump being Donald Trump, did what Donald Trump ordinarily does: he tweeted. The president said, “Can you imagine what the outcry would be if @SnoopDogg, failing career and all, had aimed and fired the gun at President Obama? Jail time!” And then Lil Bow Bow of all people jumped into the beef to say, “Ayo @realDonaldTrump shut your punk ass up talking shit about my uncle @SnoopDogg before we pimp your wife and make her work for us.” Snoop is at least really fucking funny when he does something. We can’t say as much for Bow Wow. And still we continue to empathize with our favorite naked First Lady.

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sTRUMP5

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DID JOURNALIST JUST SAY FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP DID “REALLY SLEAZY PORN”? THE FUCK YOU SAY?

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Journalist David Cay Johnston appeared on Rachel Maddow’s NBC show on Tuesday to report on the first two pages of one of President Trump’s undisclosed income-tax returns. During the interview, and a brief exchange talking about Melania Trump, who was not involved with Donald Trump’s businesses as they were discussing, David out of nowhere took a shot at Melania that, “she did do some very sleazy porn.” Boom. Zinger. Now, Melania has already sued a blogger who called her a “high-end escort,” and The Daily Mail for repeating the false story, in a $150 million libel lawsuit. Better watch out David. Calling the First Lady a porn star. We see one of those New York style pig fucks coming, and David will wish he was a gay for pay porn star, in comparison to the way he’s likely to get fucked raw by the First Family. We are standing by the First Lady, cause we are big fans of her nude work.

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MISCHA BARTON SEX TAPE SHOPPED, CAUSE CRAZY GIRLS ARE SO HOT

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Someone is shopping round a sextape of actress Mischa Barton, 31, at an ask price of $500,000 and according to Kevin Blatt, Hollywood’s sex-tape broker, “I know that at least three large online porn sites, YouPorn.com, Porn.com and RedTube.com have reviewed it and they’re all seriously considering the offer. I’ve seen stills from the video, it’s clearly Mischa in my opinion. She’s seen performing a sex act on a guy and can be seen having sex in various positions.” The tape allegedly shows Mischa wearing a grey hoodie and nothing else having sex on a double bed with a man wearing just a black t-shirt. The setting is a little sketchy, a bedroom, with a bed that has a leather padded headboard and mirrored panels, with while coffee cups and an empty bottle of Gatorade on a bedside table. A sextape isn’t exactly what Mischa need right now, or it may be exactly what she needs to help her less than stellar reputation in the last few weeks. After an alleged “drug-induced” meltdown she was filmed by a neighbor hanging over a fence in her backyard and calling her mother a “fucking witch.” While she had a sexy photoshoot comeback earlier this month, a sextape is not the direction Mischa appears to have had in mind as her next move.

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Mischa responded through her lawyers. Lawyer Lisa Bloom said in a statement, “Ms Barton does not consent to any disclosure of any such images. She believes that she was recorded without her consent by someone she was seeing at the time. There’s a name for this disgusting conduct: revenge pornography. Revenge pornography is a form of sexual assault, and it is also a crime and a civil wrong in California. And we will not stand for it.” She addressed those those attempting to “traffic” the tape directly, saying, “We will come after you. We will fully prosecute you under every available criminal and civil law. You proceed at your peril.”

sMISC1

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