Sinnandskin Blog

TAYLOR SWIFT SORTA NAKED ROBOT BODY TRAILER

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Fresh off her $1 groping lawsuit victory against Denver radio personality David Mueller, Taylor Swift has an album set for release, called “reputation”. Nobody cares. She released her a 15 second trailer, called “…Ready For It?” To which we have to believe most people answered, “No, because nobody cares.” But Taylor did sort of get naked, but not really, in the trailer, so almost a half-million people cared. Unlike her peers, Taylor has chosen to keep it classy, in the face of constant fan request to “show your tits” to stay relevant. But it looks like the 27-year-old might be feeling the pressure of that choice. But by the time she bows to it, it may be too late. 32-year-old Taylor Swift tits aren’t as interesting.







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SOLVEIG MORK HANSEN IS HELPING AGENT PROVOCATEUR SELL PANTIES AND LINGERIE

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Agent Provocateur’S Fall-Winter 2017 LookBook is out, and they did a video feature series, including “girl gang, AP favourites and friends” Daisy Lowe, Tali Lennox and Solveig Mørk Hansen.” Since Solveig went completely nude, she of course was the apple of our eye among this trio. If the 22-year-old Danish model came with the lingerie, Agent Provocateur’s sales would be though the roof, and we’d be sure to buy, stock. But the hot Danish model is sold separately, and you probably couldn’t afford her if she was for sale. So the video and pictures will have to suffice. #Motivation.

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KATE UPTON SPORTS ILLUSTRATED 2017 NEVER SEEN BEFORE

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Sports Illustrated released some “never-before-seen footage from Kate Upton’s epic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2017 shoot.” They shot on location in Fiji by photographer Yu Tsai. If you like Kate Upton, then this is worth while, because it’s short anyway. We just feel like Kate is old news. Stop trying to bring her back, SI. Let it go.


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WEBCAM SITE CAMSODA IS OFFERING PORN STARS TO HELP TEACH YOU NEW LANGUAGES

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Webcam site Camsoda.com is offering free language lessons, taught by porn stars. Camsoda is launching two month courses, teaching people Japanese, Spanish, English, and of course the language of love, French. The video introducing the new campaign promises native-speaking porn stars, who mostly offer dirty words, but dirty words are useful too. The video’s description said, “CamSoda’s Language Lessons allows cam girls to communicate with users through both video and voice. Users can also communicate with their private tutors via text, which can then be translated into English in real-time via CamSoda’s language translation technology — similar to what Google uses.” A spokesman for the company said, “Whether it be sensual conversation or quick vocabulary quiz, our private tutors are flexible and amenable to teaching users in a manner that works best for them.” Works for us.





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INTRODUCING THE BRAZZERS PEACH

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The Brazzers Peach is a porn parody concept video, of the potential future capabilities porn could offer cell phone technology. Brazzers introduced its parody video saying, “Are you tired of watching adult entertainment on a regular smartphone? We, at Brazzers, know how important ‘fap time’ is, so we’ve been using our dirty imaginations and dreaming about the ideal smartphone. Lay back, assume the position and enjoy ‘The Brazzers Peach’, a XXX-optimized fantasy smartphone: It’s what creams are made of.” And while some of the concepts make sense, we just can’t swallow having masturbation detachments on a phone. It is just several kinds of gross.



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CAN YOU SPOT THE SEX WORKER?

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In a room of random stranger, where 5 of the 10 were sex workers, including porn actors, a paid escort and a webcam host, could you spot the sex workers? Video production company Cut asked four people to interview 10 strangers and do just that. So from the start, everyone had a 50-50 shot of guessing correctly. But still they’d didn’t really do better than 50-50. Think you can do better?



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ANA DE ARMAS’ TITS AND ASS FEATURE PROMINENTLY IN THE NEW PREVIEW OF BLADE RUNNER 2049

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The world just got a preview of Blade Runner 2049, and what stands out is how prominently actress Ana de Armas’s ass and tits feature into the preview. The 29-year-old Cuban isn’t all that busty or shapely, but she is just about all there is to talk about from the preview. Even with actors Harrison Ford, Jared Leto, and Ryan Gosling (well, who really gives a shit about Ryan Gosling), in the film, Ana de Armas is the best part of the preview, hands down.



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PORN STARS NOT SO POLITELY ASK TED CRUZ TO STOP WATCHING PORN

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Porn Stars Joanna Angel, Mercedes Carrera, Dana DeArmond, Mandy Muse, and Jaclyn Taylor have a message for Texas Senator Ted Cruz: Stop watching porn. This new Funny or Die video comes just days after Lying Ted got caught liking Cory Chase porn on Twitter. And we have to say, this video was actually funny. “Bottom line is we don’t want our films anywhere near Ted Cruz, because he’s too gross,” said Mercedes Carrera. She added, “I have seen things you can’t imagine coming out of the anuses of some of my co-workers.” Dana DeArmond said, “I’ve snorted cum.” And Joanna Angel finished saying, “And Ted Cruz is grosser than all of that combined. It’s like not even close.” “How am I supposed to explain to my family that Ted Cruz might watch my videos?” said Mercedes in closing. It was funny.



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LIZ ASHLEY BOOB LOVE AND NUDE POOLSIDE

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Liz Ashley, 34, is another beautiful blonde from Texas who once posed nude for Playboy, and then for just about everywhere else as a centerfold, nude model. Nowadays, as she is playing the back nine of her nude model career, she seems to be building up a body video credits on Vimeo.com for a number of videographers. We were watching them most of the morning, and pulled the two we loved the most, one of her just massaging her boobs and another of her nude by the pool. We think she’s still got the stuff.





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MELISA MENDINI STRIPTEASE IN RAINBOW COLOR AND BLACK AND WHITE

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Nude model Melisa Mendini seems to be more of an instructional photography nude model, as she appears in a number of teaching videos and photography session advertisements. It’s a niche we’ve never really seen. But we happened across a series of Melisa’s nude striptease videos, and that they made for the perfect Friday afternoon release, even if a little slow.







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FOUR REASONS TO WATCH BALLERS

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HBO continues to be all about tits, ass, and almost-pornographic sex in its lineup. It’s hard out there these days, with Netflix kicking ass and taking the names of all comers. You’ve never heard anyone say they want to come over for HBO and chill. But we just peeped Cody Renee Cameron and Phoenix Skye Fechter give the best escort entrance scene that we’ve seen in a long time (.gif below), for the fifth episode of season three on Ballers. And it gave us reason to think about adding HBO to the evening frivolities. Ballers is about “a superstar during his football playing days, Spencer Strasmore tries to find the same success as a financial manager for current players in sun-splashed Miami,” should you start thinking about watching. Here’s four good reasons:

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KATIE KOURIC ASKING SEX QUESTIONS IS FUNNIER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK

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Katie Kouric is 60. So sex and Katie Kouric are not the two words we would free associate, ever. Maybe 30 years ago. Maybe. Maybe 20. And so when we heard about a video of Katie asking sex questions, like “Do you watch porn,” we weren’t all that interested. But when we found out Katie admitted that she buys hotel room porn and watches about 30 seconds (premature orgasms), and then feels guilty about paying for it, we decided maybe it was worth watching. We still will never free associate sex and Katie Kouric, but the video was mildly funny, for Katie Kouric.



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CHOCOTRAVEL USED NUDE WOMEN IN ITS COMMERCIAL AND GOT MORE PUBLICITY THAN THEY WANTED

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ChocoTravel, a travel company based in Kazakhstan, tried to create some attention around its travel services, and overshot that mark by a few thousand miles. Its recent advertising commercial, featuring nude flight attendants has make news around the globe. It was shared 71,000 times on Facebook and viewed more than 31,000 times on YouTube in the past two days. The video starts with a close-up of cap-wearing female flight attendants, from the neck up, and after the screen widens out, the women are fully nude but covered by a banner across the screen and a small hat. We thought it clever, sexy and fun. The Internet (the lesbian and liberal wing of it) thought it “tasteless” and “unpleasant”. To balance out the criticism of the video being sexist, ChocoTravel came out with a nude male video the next day.

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BOSS FUCKING UBER DRIVER GETS A BLOWJOB WHILE PASSENGER RECORDS IN THE BACK, SO THAT GUY PROBABLY GOT FIRED

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Aner Manuel got the Uber ride of his life in Boston. But Aner wasn’t happy with the incredible pornographic show he got so he complained. According to Aner, his Uber driver kissed and got oral sex from a woman, who may or may not have been a prostitute. He posted his account to Facebook (and released then the video he took from the back seat — you can hear Aner asking the driver “man, stop” and getting out of the car):

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“On Sunday July 16th I received the most dangerous and inappropriate uber ride ever. As I approached my uber, I noticed there was a passenger in the front seat. I double checked to make sure I didn’t select UberPool, and then approached the car. I assumed it may have been a family member of some sort. As we pulled off the female in the front (who was clearly on drugs) attempted to open the door and could not even sit straight as the vehicle was in motion. She then began to grope him and grab him. They began to kiss and she began loosening his belt. As we got further and further from my pickup location I had no idea where I was, so I had to stay in the car. She then proceeded to perform oral sex. This was my last straw. I asked the driver to drop me off. Since I’ve contacted uber and they refunded me for trip and gave me a “$10 credit”. They’ve seen this video and are still “investigating”. They have been extremely bad at answering any messages I’ve sent, and I demand something gets done. This is not okay!”






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PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA PLAYS SISKEL AND EBERT, CAUSE NOW SHE’S A MOVIE CRITIC

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa is now playing movie critic. She recently took to critiquing Christopher Nolan’s latest film, Dunkirk, which is centered on the evacuation of Allied soldiers from the North of France during World War II. Mia started on Twitter, saying, “I love Chris Nolan more than I love my dogs, but Dunkirk sucked more dick than I did in 2014”. She then posted a video critic on YouTube. She wrote in the description, “Jerf is drugged and swollen from his wisdom teeth extraction, but we managed to get out of the house and watch Dunkirk. We were less than impressed and both agreed, had we not possessed basic knowledge regarding the rescue at the beaches of Dunkirk, we would have had no fucking clue what was going on in this movie…. 7/10, though. Chris Nolan can do no wrong.” Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 92 out of 100 and the film has mostly received praise. But Mia wasn’t having it. “I didn’t know if this whole thing lasted 23 hours or if the rescue mission took like two and a half months,” Mia said. “You never knew what time of day it was, what the fucking temperature was… I’m like, ‘What the fuck is going on?'” She added, “Did this end World War II, or was this like… a random battle? You could not tell. There was no context.” Mia’s no Siskel and Ebert, but she was still a hot fucking porn star.

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PORN STAR ELIZABETH STARR’S O CUP IMPLANTS ARE LEAKING, SO SHE WENT ON “BOTCHED”

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Porn star Elizabeth Starr, 47, got her tits super-sized implants in 1999, going from from a 38F chest up to her current O-cup size, with 4,000cc polypropylene implants. They leaked. But Elizabeth didn’t have them removed, because she built a porn name around her gigantic tits. They continued to leak to the point where she finally on the show “Botched!” with surgeons Terry Dubrow and Paul Nassif, to see what she could do. “My right breast was bright red and swollen and I felt weak and shaky,” Elizabeth told the doctors. “But the infection gradually ate a hole in my right breast the size of a one-dollar piece. The pain was unbearable.” The doctors of course said to take them out. And now Elizabeth is sound the alarm for the one or two women in the world who have ever gone as far as she has, “If you are going to attempt to try to become as busty as I am you are putting yourself at extreme risk.” No shit, Sherlock.

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