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If you are a full-on freaky as fuck sex doll fanatic, then the upcoming December release of RealDoll Harmony may be what you’ve been dreaming of, a mildly “intelligent” sex doll. She has the intelligence level of what you probably want from a sex object, which is not much but enough so you don’t feel alone. According to the company, Harmony is programmed to allow her to not only engage in conversation, but actually remember details and develop “feelings.” Weird, yes, very weird. Apparently, an external processor powers Harmony through personality traits chosen by customers. In an interview with, RealDoll CEO Matt McMullen said the traits range from kind and sexual to jealous and moody. Customers have the power to design the doll’s personality by choosing several items from a set of traits, including positive ones like, “helpful” and “kind,” and negative ones like, “insecure” and “jealous.” But even a “happy,” “sexual,” and “affectionate” Harmony still responds more positively to kindness and thoughtfulness. That’s because Matt says, “We’re trying, in a way, to train people to be nicer to each other,” McMullen says. “People zero in on the whole sexual aspect of what we’re doing with the robot and being able to just do whatever you want, whenever you want, but we want to actually simulate the kindness and the legwork that goes into building a connection.”

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There’s also a “love meter” that monitors how much Harmony’s fallen in love with you. “If you’re nice, kind and give her complements and say things like, ‘I missed you’ and ‘I really enjoy talking to you,’ those are going to longterm raise the love meter,” he explains. “If you’re not nice, if you’re like, ‘You’re real boring, I don’t like talking to you,’ then … you’ll be more in the friend zone.” Harmony will also blink, conduct a simple conversation, react to stimulus such as speech and touch and much more. She is supposed to be able to “learn” and develop a relationship with her partner. This is clearly freaky as fuck, and the beginning of the end of all human-on-human intimacy (just wait, we said it first). But not so fast. Harmony ain’t cheap. Just her head-only option will retail for about $10,000. Again, weird. Head-only? What good will that do? Well, we figure oral, but what is the point of a sex doll that talks if all you’re going to do is stick your dick in her mouth? A complete Harmony RealDoll will retail for roughly $60,000. But damn that is a high price tag. You could buy a nice luxury car for that much. And a guy who can’t get a girl with a hot car has bigger problems than getting sex.

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