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KATE UPTON IS THE LAST OF THE LOVE ADVENT VIDEO CALENDAR THIS YEAR

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We have been vocal about our disappointment with Love magazine’s advent video calendar this year. So it is fitting that Kate Upton should deliver a less than stellar last video for the series this year. We appreciated the overly gratuitous cleavage shots of Kate’s busty breasts. But it didn’t make up for the lack of entertainment value. We’ll let you judge for yourself.

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ROSE BERTRAM IS DAY 30 IN LOVE’S ADVENT VIDEO CALENDAR

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The news cycle is always slower around the holidays. Everyone is preparing their year’s end countdowns. But Love magazine is still cranking out its advent video calendar series. And while most of it has been shit, we wholly endorse this Day 30 video of brown skinned Belgian model Rose Bertram, 22, oiled up eating cheese puffs for absolutely no reason other than watching an oiled up Rose Bertram eat cheese puffs.

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CLOSE UPS OF ALEXIS REN’S ASS BOUNCING TO THE NUTCRACKER SUITE IS DAY 22 OF THE LOVE ADVENT VIDEO CALENDAR

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Love magazine’s video advent calendar incorporates a bit of the holidays with The Nutcracker Suite, and clips of Alexis Rnn’s ass. This proves a couple things. First, Alexi Renn has officially arrived, after having been held on the fringe of mainstream celebrity status. Second, Love has all but abandoned the holiday theme, but we don’t really care because it is replaced with close ups of Alexis Ren’s ass. Fair compromise in our view.

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CHRISSY TEIGEN DAY 16 WORKOUT CLEAVAGE AND ASS

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Cleavage and ass just about sums up Chrissy Teigen’s appearance on Day 16 of Love magazine’s advent video calendar. We are trying to understand this new approach Love has taken, but when it comes to cleavage and ass, what really is there more to understand?

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BARBARA PALVIN SPREADS HER LEGS SHARON STONE STYLE FOR LOVE MAGAZINE ADVENT VIDEO CALENDAR

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It should be pretty apparent that for its Advent Video Calendar, Lovemagazine has dropped the holiday spirit, and went full kink shock and awe (or at least as much shock and awe a mainstream video can get). Day 9 is Barbara Palvin recreating Sharon Stone’s iconic leg crossing spread eagle pussy scene from Basic Instinct. Barbara, unlike Sharon Stone, had her spread eagle pussy obscured and moderately pixelated. So where you would otherwise see pussy, you see a dark, blurry spot in between Barbara’s legs. You’re left to “use your imagination.” We respect the choice. It is a made-for-YouTube video, so pussy shots wouldn’t go over well anyway. But what that also means is there is an uncensored cut of Barbara Palvin’s pussy out there somewhere, probably in a vault guarded by security. But it does exist, so we’re just waiting for the leak. As to the video itself, we can’t say we don’t appreciate this new direction, even if it has nothing to do with the holiday season.

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JASMINE SANDERS FOR DAY 13 IS A LUCKY SHOW OF LOVE AND PERFECTION

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If your Advent Season isn’t going so well, if you didn’t get that bonus you were hoping for this year, because the economy has recovered, but your boss and/or employer is a worthless fuck who deserves to be drawn and quartered, well Jasmine Sanders for Day 13 of Love magazine’s Advent Video Calendar won’t make up for that shit at all. But, it could make your life incrementally that less miserable and bring you a few steps back off the edge. And that’s basically where we operate on a daily basis. Jasmine, 24, who we weren’t familiar with before, was born in Germany and raised in South Carolina (her mom is German and her dad is black). She goes by Golden Barbie on her social media, which is rather apt. She is mostly known for fucking Nick Cannon in 2014 and Chris Brown back in 2010. We wouldn’t mind sloppy thirds…

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ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO TAKES US INTO THE DANGER ZONE FOR DAY 11

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We have no fucking clue what Alessandra Ambrosia in an American flag bikini in a swimming pool with a large American flat set to Kenny Loggins’ “Danger Zone” has anything to do with the Christmas Story, with the holiday in general or anything remotely advent related, but that’s the way Love magazine went this year for Day 11 (and the whole advent theme in general). But we live by a generic motto, never look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when that horse is Alessandra Ambrosia in a bikini. So, Happy Holidays????

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MIRANDA KERR COVERS HARPER’S BAZAAR AUSTRALIA COMPLETELY NUDE

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Miranda Kerr, 32, goes home to get naked for the cover of Harper’s Bazaar Australia. They just don’t do such things in the U.S. So thank God for Aussies like Miranda and the Internet to cover foreign publications. She is also the Day 9 headliner for Love magazine’s Advent Video Calendar, so today we are getting a double dose of Miranda.

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EMILY RATAJKOWSKI IS MORE UNDERWHELMING THAN SEXY FOR LOVE’S ADVENT CALENDAR

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We’re checking back in with Love magazine’s Advent Video Calendar and Day 8 is Emily Ratajkowski, and we have to say we are a bit underwhelmed. Actually, really underwhelmed. Yes, it’s Emily in lingerie with close up emphasis on her tits and ass, with a slight amount of transparency. It’s not bad. But we’re not blown away. But that’s why there’s 25 days to the holiday advent.

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PAMELA ANDERSON ROCKS DAY 3 OF LOVE’S ADVENT VIDEO CALENDAR

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Pamela Anderson may be a dirty old, skanky MILF, but she still is sexy. She is proving up the allure of the MILF. At 48 she is about to cover the last nude edition of Playboy, and she is Day 3 of Love’s Advent Video Calendar. She’s doing something right.

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GIGI HADID SPOTLIGHTS IN DAY 2 OF THE LOVE ADVENT VIDEO CALENDAR

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Love magazine misfired starting its Avent Video Calendar with Kendall Jenner. It was weird. It didn’t make sense. It didn’t fit. It happens. We’ve moved on, as has Love to Day 2 with Gigi Hadid. Clearly Love is going in a different direction this year, with less emphasis on the holiday cheer. We can’t say we feel this new direction, but at least Gigi was a much better choice in the lineup.

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