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SOFIA VERGARA WENT ALL ANAL AND ANUS FOR THE GOLDEN GLOBES

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Colombian actress Sofia Vergara, 44, spiced up her Golden Globes introduction with sprinkles of mispronunciation of “annual” as “anal” and “anus.” “The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has an anal tradition … I didn’t, sorry, I didn’t mean anal,” she said, and then continued, “I mean they have an anus tradition… They have a tradition that they do every year of choosing a second generation performer to assist in the presentation of the award. To fulfill the duties of Miss Golden Globes tonight are the three beautiful daughters of Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin, Scarlet, Sistine and Sophia Stallone. Bravo.” It worked at the Golden Globes, but social media wasn’t as impressed, given the campy and tired stereotype of a foreign accent unable to get English words rights. Some said it racist, though that seems a little far fetched. Everybody is a critic these days…

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AUTOBLOW ANNOUNCES ANUS CONTEST

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Autoblow has announced an Anus Contest. This follows on from their Scrotal Beauty Contest and World’s Most Beautiful Vagina Competition last year. This year’s Anus Contest runs now through Nov. 8. “I hope that all Americans will warm up their voting rights in the Anus Contest before hitting the polls to vote in the Presidential Election on Nov. 8,” said Brian Sloan, inventor of the Autoblow 2. “I invite people from all countries of the world, especially those which are not democracies, to experience the unique flavor of our American democratic process by participating in the Anus Contest, which I have constructed to be as much like our Presidential Election as possible. I feel so happy that people of all cultures and of all races and of all religious will come together, even if it is only to vote on the attractiveness of each other’s butt holes.”

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What will you win if you win? First, you can submit photos of your anus to AnusContest.com, where, second, everyone will vote on your anus on a scale between 1 and 10 stars. The Top 3 Anuses will win $5,000, $3,000 and $2,000, respectively, and have their anuses molded into a new series of Autoblow 2+ anal sleeves. Here’s Autoblow’s pitch:

Anus Contest Full Final Pitch from Letsgasm! on Vimeo.


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