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CANADIANS LOVE TAKING IT UP THE ASS, “STRAP-ON” NUMBER ONE SEARCHED SEX TOY IN EVERY PROVINCE

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Canadians love their anal action. Sex toy retailer Lovehoney launched its Canadian website in June 2016. Since then, according to Lovehoney, it “has experienced significant growth showing Canadians’ healthy appetites for sex toys, and has gathered a wealth of information specific to Canadians and their shopping habits.” Their research showed the following ranking of sex toy searches by province:

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Top searches by city (in order of frequency of search)
Vancouver -Strap On, Cock Ring, Inflatable, Dildo, Lubricant
Edmonton -Strap On, Cock Ring, Glass, Latex, Pump
Calgary -Strap On, Latex, Vibrating Panties, Lubricant, Butt Plug
Regina -Chastity, Strap On, Extension, Cock Ring, Harness
Winnipeg -Strap On, Dildo, Cock Ring, Sleeve, Lubricant
Toronto -Strap On, Cock Ring, Butt Plug, Dildo, Vibrator
Montreal -Strap On, Dildo, Cock Ring, Butt Plug, Collar
Ottawa -Strap On, Cock Ring, Dildo, Butt Plug, Nipple

In every province, except Regina, “Strap On” was number one on the minds of Canadians, with male/female visitor gender split almost equal. About the surprising discovery, Lovehoney said, “This suggests that Canadians are becoming increasingly more interested in the technique pegging, whereby a female wears a harness and dildo to penetrate their partner. We’ve found it fascinating to see that while ‘strap-on’ is by far the most searched term on our site, Canadians are actually shopping for vibrating cock rings, male masturbators and clitoral vibrators,” said Anna Lee, Lovehoney’s resident sex toy expert for Canada. “Are Canadians too shy to buy? We want to let people know that strap-ons and the technique pegging is not something to be afraid of. It’s pleasurable, fun, adventurous and we have a range of products to suit all tastes. She added, “When stimulated, this can result in some seriously explosive orgasms! At Lovehoney, we have a variety of strapless strap-ons that penetrate the woman, often providing her with vibrations and incredible internal sensations. Also, as cock rings are also one of the top searches, we want to educate the Canadian nation about the variety out there.

In a press release, Lovehoney said, “At Lovehoney we believe everyone deserves a fun and fulfilling sex life – we’re on a mission to spread our sexual happiness message around the globe. Numerous surveys show that Canadians share our belief that having a great sex life is an important part of your general health and wellbeing. We’d be delighted if Lovehoney becomes as popular in Canada as it is in the UK.”





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IN CANADA, SEX WITH MINORS IS NOT A CRIME AS LONG AS YOU REASONABLY ASSUME THEY’RE ADULTS. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO ASK THEIR AGE.

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Statutory rape in the United States is a raw deal, but it is a hard line that we don’t cross. You fuck a kid, you go to jail. It’s easy. Don’t fuck kids. But of course it happens all the time. And so people go to jail all the time. Maybe they deserve it. But in Canada, land of affordable prescription meds and moose beer, as long as you make a reasonable assumption that the person is over the age of consent, you are in the clear. That’s what the Supreme Court of Canada said in agreeing with a trial judge who acquitted a 35-year-old woman of sexual assault charges for having sex with a 14-year-old boy. Barbara George got off (twice) because, the trial judge found the sexual activity was “factually consensual,” meaning she honestly believed the boy was at least 16, and there was reasonable doubt she had not taken all reasonable steps to determine the age of the boy. But here’s the kicker: Barbara never asked the boy how old he was. The Supreme Court said “reasonable steps” is open-ended language and that determining age is a “highly contextual, fact-specific exercise.”

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It was good enough that Barbara assumed the boy was over the age of 16 because he had facial hair, a mature demeanour and apparent sexual experience. He also smoked and took care of his younger siblings. The Supreme Court said, “In some cases, it may be reasonable to ask a partner’s age. It would be an error, however, to insist that a reasonable person would ask a partner’s age in every case. Conversely, it would be an error to assert that a reasonable person would do no more than ask a partner’s age in every case, given the commonly recognized motivation for young people to misrepresent their age.” Well, we can’t exactly say we’ll miss the horny old cougars packing their bags for Canada on that news.



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NAKED NEWS BOWLING

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Naked News is making more news with its naked challenges, with Eila Adams helping make the series an Internet favorite. This time around, Elia, joined by Whitney St. John, Natasha Olenski and Peyton Priestly, went naked bowling in an alley (a bowling alley) in Toronto, Canada. It was a team event, 5-pin bowling, which we guess is a thing in Canada. There isn’t much to say about it, it was just four naked women bowling, but for some reason Elia and company made it a show that was internationally newsworthy. In the end, Eila and Whitney lost scoring 71, while Peyton and Natasha won with a score of 114. The captivating part of course was just watching the ladies throw balls out from under their legs completely nude.

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GERMAN FIELD HOCKEY TEAM BUTT FUCHS CANADIAN TEAM

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When your name is Linus Butt and your teammate’s name is Florian Fuchs, you probably don’t want to be seen standing together that much. The photo op is just too perfect. Butt Fuchs. Well, that’s what happened, the German field hockey team Butt Fuched Canada 6-2. And The Internet loved Butt standing next to Fuchs. “No sore losers in field hockey,” TMZ wrote. GQ noticed that, “If you multiply Butt’s number with Fuchs’ number you get 69.” But since no one gives a shit about field hockey, the Butt Fuchs combination largely went unnoticed by the Internet meme gods.

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THE BEST PLAN TO INCREASE VOTER TURNOUT: “VOTES4NUDES”

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Jessica Simps (yes, a fake name), 24, is an election genius. Karl Rove can suck a dick. Jessica is the new face of political strategy. She is a Canadian artist and university student living in Montreal who is the driving force behind “Sluts Against Harper,” which started the Instagram campaign “VOTES4NUDES,” which offers to send personalized nude pics to anyone who messages them and proves they’ve voted. Jessica recently did an interview with Motherboard.com, explaining a few things, including how she got started, saying “The first thing I did was post a status on Facebook promising BJs for votes, but I think that scared too many people away because it’s not realistic. Instagram’s a great platform for keeping people feeling anonymous enough, and safe. And the word spread so fast, so I thought it would be fun.” And it’s not just Jessica. “I reached out to a couple girls—some of them I’ve met, and some I haven’t—mostly in Toronto, but some in Vancouver, and some in Calgary. This is Canada-wide. I reached out to them because I thought that I might be in over my head here if I try to do this by myself. We’ve tried to make it inclusive, because we are a pack of white girls with pretty much the same body type, so we wrote in the profile that if you want to be part of the project, you can just send us a photo. All the photos are made by the person in the photo, which we feel is important, because that way it’s not an exploitation of women’s bodies, but it’s us taking action and using our bodies as a resource.” We are just waiting for this campaign to hit the U.S. “SlutsforHilary,” “SlutsforBernie,” “SlutsforTrump,” they could use a little extra help.

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sVTT1

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OTTAWA, CANADA IS THE CHEATERS CAPITAL OF THE WORLD ON ASHLEYMADISON.COM

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Hackers attacked AshleyMadison.com, Ottawa, Canada residents may have the most to lose if the hackers make good on their threats to release details about users of the site. That’s because 1 in 5 people in Ottawa, Canada apparently subscribe to the website. While AshleyMadison.com claims they have secured the site, some 189,810 users were registered in Canada’s capital city, Owttawa, which only has a population of 883,000. That makes Ottawa the highest per capita globally, and a city on the edge of some potentially embarrassing secrets coming to light. “Everybody says Ottawa is a sleepy town and here we are with 200,000 people running around on each other,” said municipal employee Jon Weaks. “I think a lot of people will be questioned tonight at dinner,” added colleague Ali Cross.

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There may be a sensible explanation behind Ottawa’s seat at the top of the global cheating market. “In a blue collar city, they’re not going to use a website, they’re going to do it at a bar,” said Kary, who declined to give her last name. In Ottawa “you can’t run the risk of someone seeing you at a bar doing that.” She added, “Why do you think everyone goes to Montreal to have a good time? Ottawa is the city fun forgot.” It may also be that AshleyMadison.com, who one former employee claims made up hundreds of fake profiles, just overdid it in Ottawa, but even if inflated somewhat, Ottawa residents may not be as sleepy as everyone thinks.

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SATAN STATUE WITH AN ERECTION ERECTED IN VANCOUVER

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The Devil is alive in Vancouver, Canada, and he’s got a massive erection. At least, that’s what a statue erected over night in a local park shows. Someone put up a 9-foot statute of the devil, painted red, horns on his head………and, oh, a huge dick. The statue was placed on a pedestal that previously was home to Christopher Columbus, but that statute was moved to another garden, and Satan (for a while) took his place. The statue was eventually removed, but not before it left a strong impression on local residents. “The statue was not a piece of city commissioned artwork and consequently it has been removed,” said Sara Couper, a City of Vancouver spokeswoman. Many were sad to see Satan cast out.

[Explicit Video: Emma Leigh, Danny vs. Life, on Brazzers]




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ZOE ZEBRA NEEDS IMPLANTS AND WILL FUCK 25 GUYS TO GET THEM

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Canadian porn star Zoe Zebra is looking for a new pair of boobs. And to fund her implants, she’s arranged to have sex with 25 guys on September 5, in a trailer parked next to Club 77, a strip club in Gatineau, Quebec. The mayor of the town of Gatineau thinks it sends the wrong message. “It is shameful for Gatineau,” Mayor Maxime Pedneaud-Jobin said. “We want to promote a healthy sexuality, and healthy self-esteem for women, and we don’t want young girls obsessing over a body that is in many cases not accessible. The values promoted by this event go against all of that.” So the mayor is trying to put a stop to it, but so far has had no luck. Zoe isn’t excited about the event, but she is planning on going forward. “I will do it. I took this decision, and if I cancel, they will take me to court,” she said.

[Explicit Video: Anikka Albright, Anal for Anikka on Brazzers]


But she also told another publication the idea was hers. When asked where the idea came from, she said, “It was mine. Everyone in the porno business knows me as the nymphomaniac. I want bigger breasts. This is a chance to get someone else to pay for the operation. I’m quite tall, so I think it will look good to have bigger breasts, at my size.” And about the mayor, Zoe brushed him off, “I couldn’t care less what he thinks. He’s the mayor, he has to say that. We are within the law and we are going to do it anyway.” She added, “How many women are there out there who want bigger breasts? Everybody is getting them. Some women would have to work six months at Wal-Mart to buy breast enhancements. I can earn the money in one night.”

sZOE1

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WITHOUT HOCKEY, CANADA TURNS TO SEX TOYS

Sex toy sales in Canada are on the rise, and sex toy retailers say they believe the lack of National Hockey League (NHL) hockey is the reason why. “We’d be gearing up for [NHL hockey] now, but there’s nothing, so I guess we need to find some better ways to spend our time,” said Vinay Morker, who owns Hush Lingerie and More in Edmonton. Morker said his sales of sex toys, sex games, sexual guides and lingerie have increased 15% since October. “I suppose that’s one of the other reasons it’s as busy as it is — there’s no hockey,” said Hal Roseberg, owner of Edmonton’s Tease Adult Boutique.


[Explicit Video: Stevie Shae, Earning Allowance on Brazzers]


Without the nation’s favorite past time, Canadians are turning to pleasuring themselves. But some are less convinced it’s because of the lack of Hockey. In May, sex toy sales were projected to skyrocket on a global scale, with some experts crediting the bad economy. “At a time when unemployment is high,” Stefan Dallakian, owner of Paris Intimates said, “and bank account balances are low, people are passing the time by getting busy.”


For whatever reason – no hockey or a bad economy – self-love in Canada is on the rise….




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