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CANDICE SWANEPOEL GOES COWGIRL, WHICH MEANS ASSLESS CHAPS FOR DAYS

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Women don’t often fantasize about the Old West, at least not much as men. Whenever you watch a Hollywood depiction of the West, the most prominent role for women was town prostitute. It was a different time back then. And women were either tending to their families or tending to the men who didn’t have families (or to the men who were away from their families). There wasn’t a lot going on for women back then. But today, we can all pretend that there were cowgirls, the same as cowboys, because at least that fantasy gets Candice Swanepoel, 28, in assless chaps. And that is a fantasy we can fully support. Candice recently posted tons of pictures from her Victoria’s Secret shoot with her fellow angels, including Alessandra Ambrosio, Josephine Skiver, Sara Sampaio, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Taylor Hill, Elsa Hosk, Niki Baratta, Jen King, Lily Aldridge, Lais Ribeiro, Jas Tookes, Romee Strijd and Behati Prinsloo. Edward Razek, a senior creative at Victoria’s Secret, described the shoot in a picture he posted saying: “13 Angels, 2 photographers, a crew of 100+, one big time director, and an $80 million ranch – no one does Holiday like Victoria’s Secret does Holiday!” No one indeed.

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL IS BACK, RETURNS A MILF

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Supermodel and Victoria’s Secret Angel Candice Swanepoel, 28, has returned, and the world doesn’t seem that much different. Candice took off some time after giving birth to her son in October 2016. She’s now officially a MILF (“Mother I’d Like to Fuck”). But to add some extra fanfare to her return, Victoria’s Secret posted a video to their Instagram account featuring Candice, in a racy white lace thong bodysuit. The black and white clip was captioned “It’s official: @angelcandices is back.” Even though she was “gone,” Candice was still dropping half-naked pictures on her own Instagram page (check out a couple of those below). So we can’t exactly get all too excited about the welcome back bandwagon. But we are glad to see the angel officially return and continue giving a lot more.

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CHINESE BUSINESSMAN PAID ESCORT AGENCY $3.7 MILLION FOR SEX WITH MEGAN FOX AND CANDICE SWANEPOEL, AND OF COURSE, NEITHER SHOWED

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Chinese business Yu Xu paid Sydney-based Royal Court Escort $3.7 for sex with Megan Fox, Candice Swanepoel and “Angelababy.” No, neither Megan Fox, Candice Swanepoel nor Angelababy are escorts, that we know of. So this ended as foolishly as it began, with no one showing up and Yu filing a lawsuit for his galactic stupidity. He clearly watched Sasha Baron Cohen’s The Dictator too many times. Paying for sex with celebrities is not a real thing, however. Well, it is, of course, but it costs billions, not millions (like Miranda Kerr who is now engaged to the billionaire founder of Snapchat). In his lawsuit, Yu detailed his absolutely fucking idiotic behavior, alleging he paid Royal Court Escort for “sexual services” from Hollywood actress Megan Fox, Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel and Independence Day actress Angelababy but was stood up. Yu said an agent told him that the agency would provide “female escorts of international standing for the provision of sexual services,” according to court documents filed in the NSW Supreme Court. To access its high-end escort services, Yu paid the Royal Court Escort a $24,000 “joining fee,” he claimed. And got no pussy. After another payment to the agency in July 2014, he paid a further $500,000 on August 13, 2014, court documents claimed. No pussy still. Yu paid another $500,000 two days later. No pussy, and clearly at this point some blue balls. Then, he paid two more payments totaling $2.5 million on August 19, the documents said. Not even a pair of dirty panties received. And Yu kept paying. He sent an alleged final payment of $200,000 on August 21. Yu alleges that he then arranged to meet with Angelababy first. But according Yu, “the person was not provided.” Yu is a fool.

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(The picture of Megan Fox below is a fake, she’s never been fully nude; but Candace Swanepoel is a model, so she’s been naked everywhere, and we didn’t have to Yu you.)

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PRE-PREGGO CANDICE SWANEPOEL NAKED FOR VOGUE SPAIN

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Candice Swanepoel is not shooting much these days, because she is pregnant and blown way out of model proportions. But that hasn’t left a vacuum of Candice Swanepoel in magazines. Quite the opposite, actually. Candice seems to be everywhere. Pre-pregnant Candice, that is. It is as if she shot a shit ton of work in anticipation of her pregnancy hiatus. And now we’re all enjoy the benefits of her foresight. That is especially so because it seems she was eager to shoot tons of nudes before she had her baby and potentially lost a few steps on her former pre-MILF self. So Candice is showing up nude everywhere. Today, she’s nude (pre-preggo nude) for Vogue Spain. It makes us wish more models were getting pregnant soon.

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL SEE THROUGH IN THE POOL (BEFORE PREGNANT)

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Candice Swanepoel is well along now, with a huge baby bump. So this shoot with Biotherm Agua Gelee is definitely older. No matter. It’s Candice Swanepoel. In a sheer swimsuit. It has nipples. It’s everything we need to start the morning.

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL SETS A NEW STANDARD FOR BABY SEX ANNOUNCEMENTS

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Candice Swanepoel has raised the bar to another level. And we certainly appreciate her more, frankly, nude, take on the baby sex announcement. She released some cute pictures, like everyone does, but Candice announced the sex of her baby with a hot topless but covered nude shot. It was damn hot, if you have a preggo fetish. The Victoria’s Secret model, announced, “My not so little boy.” It got hundreds of thousands of likes.

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL TOPLESS UPON ON A HORSE, GIDDYUP

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Candice Swanepoel is quite possibly the perfect woman. But that all depends on what your definition of perfection is. Beauty, of course, is in the eye of the beholder. But what we beheld recently of Candice, pretty much sealed the deal for us. According to her Instagram account, she was in Costa Rica shooting, when she got up on a horse topless but covered for this breath-taking picture of Candice. Giddy-the-fuck-up.



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CANDICE SWANEPOEL IS NAKED “WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE”

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We don’t know where the wild things are (from what we gather somewhere in Costa Rica), but we do wish we were there, with Candice Swanepoel naked on a beach, living the pure life, like she posting recently, saying “#regram @jeromeduran “where the wild things are…” #costarica #puravida”. We’re not exactly sure what the pure life is, but if it involves being naked as a Jay bird with Candice, you can count us in on that too. To la pura vida!

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL IS EVERY MAN’S WET DREAM

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Watching supermodel Candice Swanepoel writhe around the beach in a skimpy bikini is the thing that fantasy and wet dreams are made of. Candice has been in St. Bart’s shooting for Victoria’s Secret, and as you could imagine, some unbelievably sexy pictures have been dropping like edible panties in a whore house. We only wish they were Candice’s….

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL SLIPS THROUGH INSTAGRAM’S NAKED ASS LOOPHOLE

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You can’t show your tits on Instagram, but you can show your naked ass. It’s a weird loophole that has allowed many a model to flash their naked asses to great effect, like Candice Swanepoel did recently. And what a lovely ass. Candice said, “Costa Rica with an EPIC crew. A big thank you to everyone for making such a memorable trip. [love] you all. @jeromeduran @behatiprinsloo @daniellepriano @cgonzalezbeauty @ingefonteyne @aligirllll @victoriassecret @din_morris #puravida”.

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL’S BIKINI BUTT SHOT MAY BE GRAINY, BUT IT’S PERFECT FOR YOUR DOGGIE STYLE FANTASIES

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We’re not ones to unnecessarily objectify hot supermodels in scantily clothed lingerie; no, wait, of course, we are, we do it all the time. Objectification is almost entirely the whole point of lingerie, so we don’t feel bad about it, rather we revel in it. So, when we saw these grainy but exceptional erotic candid shots of Candice Swanepoel from a lingerie shoot for Victoria’s Secret in Miami, one with such an obviously sexualized Candice bending over from behind, we couldn’t help but thinking and then vocalizing our thoughts of doggie style fucking Candice bent over that rail. Come on, you were thinking it too.

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MORE NAKED (BUT COVERED) CANDICE SWANEPOEL

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Candice Swamepoel is naked more and more often these days. It’s not for lack of people talking about the supermodel. She’s cover to cover on almost every magazine in the world. And see, that’s why we like her. Too many celebrities get naked to get attention (the nakedness doesn’t offend us, it’s the reason, but any reason should be good enough to get naked, so we encourage it nonetheless, even though we don’t like it, again, the reason, not the nakedness). Candice, on the other hand, does it cause she just looks good naked. She got undressed again for “My Town” magazine, who wouldn’t show any of her lady bits, so Candice was naked but covered. Even without the lady bits, though, we aren’t complaining.

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL IS TOPLESS AND THE DAY JUST GOT BRIGHTER

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It isn’t often that supermodel and Victoria’s Secret angel Candice Swanepoel goes nude, but it is definitely an event every time she does. The angel, whom some might call a goddess, stripped down for Lui magazine, and it is already spreading across the Internet like wildfire, but in a good way, because why would you want to contain something so incredible?

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL FINALLY SHOWS NIPPLES IN LINGERIE

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It may be a new direction for Victoria’s Secret in a world where it can’t compete with porn, or it may have just been an oversight, as some people have claimed. But if Candice Swanepoel’s nipples were an oversight, we really have to question who the fuck is working at Victoria’s Secret. Seriously? That was on purpose, and we welcome the more erotic lingerie display. Here’s the Candice Swanepoel nipple lingerie shots that have had everyone talking.

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CANDICE SWANEPOEL’S HAWAIIAN NIP SLIP LESS INTERESTING COMPARED TO LEAKED PHOTOS

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The upside of the celebrity leak was all the star crazed and boob obsessed fans got to see what the wanted, celebrity tits (….big deal). The downside is now the nip slips (though we don’t often report on them) aren’t much news, if they ever really were. What do you care if a boob popped out accidentally if you’ve already seen it before, in much higher definition? That’s how we feel about Candice Swanepoel’s recent Hawaiian nip slip. Who cares, we’ve seen it before? So spare us the grainy paparazzi pics from 100 yards away behind some rock, we prefer the bathroom closeups.

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