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“MAKE PORN GREAT AGAIN,” XHAMSTER AUDITIONS DONALD TRUMP PORN STARS

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And then there were three. Donald Trump has inspired many things in his few short weeks as President of the United States, including a resurgence of Trump porn. xHamster is riding the wave of that resurgence and plans to ride it for the next four years, with an open casting call for Donald Trump porn star impersonators for a series of Donald Trump parody porn. They’ve been hunting for candidates with “unique hair,” “small hands” and “the ability to make incredible deals, and bring the HUGE-ness (or ‘YUGE’ in the parlance of Trump) of the president-elect to the small screens and tablets of our consumers” since November, receiving “many” submissions, which have been narrowed down to three. Their video auditions have been posted onto xHamster’s YouTube channel. And now xHamster users are being asked to vote for their favorite of the final three, the winner to be announced during the first 100 days of Trump ‘s presidency. The candidates sure do have the president down. One said in his video, “I’m here to tell you that I don’t lose. Okay, I’m not gonna lose.” And then asks, “Is this the face of a loser,” while holding a Hilary Clinton doll. Another said, “Yeah, we’re going out tonight”, pointing towards a Melania Trump doppelganger, “I’m gonna be with this pig, horrible woman, but we’re gonna do our best!”

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xHamster spokesperson Alex Hawkins said, “The Trump transition has been turbulent for all of us. We apologise for the delay in getting out this request. There is nothing more that the American public needs that quality adult content parodies to help them understand that ever shifting landscape of their Executive Branch of government.” About the final choice, xHamster said, “this performer would need to be in the ‘best health of any actor to do porn’, to have even more in common with the President-elect, whose own physician said that Trump is the ‘healthiest person to run for President in history.’ The ability to harness both Trump’s complete understanding of all issues without any actual knowledge of an issue, is also an optional trait.” xHamster is also casting a Trump cabinet, Trump family, and Trump Supreme Court nominations. The winner of the Donald Trump casting gets his own Twitter handle, @TheRealxHDonaldTrump. So who will it be?







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HEIDI KLUM HAS A SURPRISE HALLOWEEN COSTUME AND IT REQUIRES NUDE BODY MOLDS

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Heidi Klum is promising a sexy Halloween surprise. “This is my 16th year hosting Halloween and I’ve had 17 costumes, like Lady Godiva, the ‘Visible Woman’ to a 95 year-old version of myself,” she said in an interview with People. “I like to switch it up every year and surprise people.” The surprise this year she said is every “male’s fantasy.” In support of her vision, a team of people cast her body to make prosthetics for the “fantasy” costume. Now, we think that Heidi’s version of every male’s fantasy and every male’s actual fantasy are quite different. Every male’s actual fantasy involves fucking at least 3 of Heidi’s orifices, in which case the body molds make sense. We’ll have to wait for Halloween to see, likely to be disappointed, but still somewhat intrigued. Heidi at least shared her body casting on Instagram so we could all see, and it does look sexy.

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IF YOUR PARENTS WORK IN PORN, MTV IS LOOKING FOR YOU

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MTV’s documentary series “True Life” is looking for porn star offspring to tell their stories of growing up porn. Here’s the casting call MTV put out: “”Sex is big business. But is it your family business? Do you have a parent who works in porn? Do they perform or produce adult films? Or do you have a parent who makes a living designing, manufacturing or selling sexy toys or other adult products and related goods and services. We are interested in hearing how your life is shaped by the career choice of your parent. Perhaps you accept and support what they do to pay the bills … or maybe it’s made your life harder and you wish your parents had a more conventional line of work. Will you follow in their footsteps? Either way, we want to help you tell your story! Children of adults working in porn must be between the ages of 16 and 27.” Sounds like the tag line for an episode of Jerry Springer…but that don’t mean we ain’t gonna watch.

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PORN MOTHER-DAUGHTER THE SEXXXTONS CASTING FATHER-SON PARTNERS

sTS1    The Sexxxtons, the lovable American mother daughter porn duo are expanding the brand. Jessica Sexxxton, 56, and her daughter, Monica Sexxxton, 22, hope to find a father son pair to star in their adult films. “It’s something we’ve considered for a while,” Jessica Sexxxton said. “We once dated brothers in real life on and off for a couple of years. They were closer to [Monica’s] age, but we haven’t done a father and son in real life or on camera.” Monica even has something of a script in mind. “Something like, ‘Hey Dad, my girlfriend’s got a hot mom,'” Monica said. “But we’d probably cater to the fantasy by having the father have sex with me.”

[Explicit Video: Erica Lauren, Seduced by a Cougar on Naughty America]


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