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THE FAPPENING HAS GONE D-LIST BUT NO LESS IMPRESSIVE, LIKE ALICE HAIG

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Alice Haig is an Australian actress that likely few if any of you have ever heard of. The Fappening 2.0 has gone from blockbuster celebrities to relative unknowns, like Alice. To be fair, Alice does have a list of credits to her name. She is a working actress. But not a likely candidate to be part of the second coming of celebrity nude leaks, except for the fact that she is a beautiful blonde Aussie actress, and of course, because she is naked. It is hard to continually keep the public attention, so the new variation of attractive, young, lesser known nude celebrities is a new twist. And Alice is quite the twist.

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WEEKEND EDITION: ELIZABETH RUIZ IS IN THE FAPPENING 2.0, SOME MIGHT CALL IT KARMA, OR RIGHTEOUS JUSTICE

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Karma is a motherfucker, there is no doubt about that. Elizabeth Ruiz has put out some bad karma over the years. She made a sex tape with Denver Broncos’ Von Miller. “Me and Von ended up having sex in a room,” Elizabeth said. “While we were having sex, he was like, ‘We should record this….’ When I finally give in, I’m like, ‘Okay, we’ll record this.’ So I pulled out my phone and we started recording. The whole time, everything was consensual.” Von said she tried to extort $2.5 million for the tape. Elizabeth claims her lawyers approached Von’s people and negotiated for the sex tape to be returned. His people said $2.5 million, she said. Von never paid. Instead he went to court and got an order preventing Elizabeth from releasing the tape and requiring her to turn over any copies. Elizabeth later said she kept the tape, “Because I used it to play with myself.” Then she moved on to call out Washington Redskin’s DeSean Jackson on his dick size. “I mean I can tell you who has a small one,” she said when “Hollywood Unlocked” radio host Jason Lee asked if Miller had a “big weenie.” “…DeSean Jackson,” she added, “Man, he’s built like an Asian.” (So she really trashed both DeSean and Asian as a whole.) DeSean’s girlfriend Kayla Phillips wasn’t going to let it slide, “Wasn’t too small for you to suck and fuck tho (sic). Never speak on another woman’s man. Now we have an issue,” she commented on Baller Alert’s Instagram post about what Ruiz said.

Now it appears the Fappening 2.0 has given Elizabeth a bit of Karma. It appears that the face pictures released were non-nude. As always, there were full nudes as well, but without Elizabeth’s face, it makes for an easy denial, though none has come yet. Elizabeth has had leaked pictures before. Karma gives and keeps on giving.

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SAMI MIRO, ZAC EFRON’S EX-GIRLFRIEND, HACKED, AND THEY ARE BOTH NAKED ALL OVER THE INTERNET

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Actor Zac Efron woke up to find his naked ass all over the Internet as a result of his ex-girfriend model Sami Miro getting hacked in the Fappening 2.0. Apparently Sami had both naked pictures of herself and Zac on the device that was hacked, making Zac the biggest male celebrity to get outed in the Fappening. But Sami is the star of this show.

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IS FAKE CAMELTOE NOW A FASHION TREND?

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Fake tits. Fake asses. Now it seems, the newest thing to boost publicity is fake cameltoe. And given the rise in cameltoe sightings, that sounds about right. Several media outlets have been reporting a new product, the Camel Toe Cup, which is insertable in a front pocket of specially designed panties. It is available to both women and men, which we assume are either transexual or gay men for some reason, who want to push boundaries with a more feminine appearance. We have only seen the product in Asian markets. But it may already be selling in European and North American markets, given the significant rise in celebrity cameltoe pictures. We just don’t know what the world is coming to when even pussy is fake. (The first picture below we believe is real good old “Make America Great Again” American cameltoe, but now we just can’t be sure.)

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WHAT CELEBRITIES THINK ABOUT PORN, BECAUSE WE NEED CELEBRITIES TO TELL US WHAT TO THINK

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Having a brain and exercising your own freedom of thought and judgment to make decision for yourself can be so tough. That’s where celebrities step in and tell you what to think, because by virtue of the fact that they can read lines in front of a camera pretty much makes them the authority on what is right and wrong and how we should all live our lives. Hell, if a celebrity didn’t say it, we really wouldn’t know what to think in life. Cosmopolitan amassed what various celebrities have said bout porn, so you don’t have to make up your own mind, you can just jump onto what some celebrity said. And if you’re that type of mindless twat, then, here’s what some of them had to say:

“I think porn, like anything else, can be enjoyed. It can be productive for both men and women.” —Scarlett Johansson

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.” —John Mayer

“I love porn! You know what I love about hotels? How discreet they are. They always give you that little thing at the bottom — ‘Your room will be charged the same as any other room, no titles will be used.'” —Cameron Diaz

“You can’t put a ban on [porn]. I mean, kids under age are still drinking. It just makes it that much more powerful. It’s freedom. You should be free to watch it whenever you want.” Amanda Seyfried

“A lot of men take porn as not that important, not that serious, whereas women tend to take it personally. It’s like, ‘How can he make love to me after watching something like this?’ I think the first time I was aware that [a partner was using porn] I was really shocked because I didn’t understand it. Lovemaking for me is related to feelings, and sensations with feelings, and so when you don’t have the feelings it becomes animal-like because you’re not in touch with your heart. There’s a sad and pathetic side to it.” -Juliette Binoche

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“Guys watch too much porn. Those girls don’t exist. They’re not real girls. And that’s like us watching romance movies. That’s girl porn, because, like, those guys do not exist.” —Miley Cyrus

“I like my porn like my comedy: Done by professionals, women who are at the top of their game. So, I like professional ladies who are enjoying themselves. I’m not an amateur person. I want everybody to look good and be good at their jobs.” —Amy Poehler

“I have no problem with porn … The problem with me is that there’s no regulation industry. The average age now where someone watches their first porn is 11, and that would be fine except to say ‘porn’ is such a broad term, like porn can be anything from like softcore and like mellow to like hardcore, violent, torture porn, which you know … For somebody to learn about sex from porn I think is really dangerous. And I think that happens a lot.” —Rashida Jones

“I look at porn, but I still only trust manual DVD porn purchases.” —Kanye West

“I love porn. I’m all for porn.” —Khloé Kardashian

“If it’s a good sex tape, I’ll watch it. I like some adult stars. I have a couple favorites. But I will say this: That Tommy Lee-Pamela Anderson video wasn’t very good. I wouldn’t fuck Tommy Lee … Guys can masturbate. So why can’t girls? Why is that such a hidden topic from the world?” —Taylor Momsen

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JENNIFER LOPEZ IS THE CELEBRITY EVERYONE PREFERS TO MASTURBATE TO THE MOST

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May is International Masturbation Month. So sex toy company We-Vibe polled over 1,000 male and female masturbators about their masturbation habits in their 2016 Passion Report. They found that rveryone has a “routine” when it comes to masturbation, as 62% of survey respondents reported that they follow a “routine” each time they masturbate, like watching porn, looking at photos, or using a vibrator. Women were overwhelmingly into sex toys, with 53% of women said that using one is “the best way to spice up their routine,” while only 22% of men agreed. Instead, men do porn, with 91% saying that watching “new adult content” is the best way to enhance jerking the gherkin. Celebrities were also on the brain. Some 33% of male responders said they are thinking about a celebrity while masturbating, though only 19% of female respondents did. And, single men and women were more likely than those in relationships to think of celebrities. Who are they thinking about? Jennifer Lopez was at the top of the list. And, as you would expect, Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Alba, Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox and Beyonce all made the top 20 list. But so did Carrie Underwood. Strange.

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Here’s the top 20 celebrities that people think about while masturbating, they should make an award:

1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Carrie Underwood
3. Jennifer Lawrence
4. Jessica Alba
5. Channing Tatum
6. Emma Watson
7. Kim Kardashian
8. Megan Fox
9. Selena Gomez
10. Taylor Swift
11. Ryan Gosling
12. Adam Levine
13. Beyonce
14. Janet Mason
15. Jenna Haze
16. Jennifer Aniston
17. Jensen Ackles
18. Johnny Depp
19. Justin Timberlake
20. Kate Upton

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SEX TAPES THAT WON’T HAPPEN, BUT APPARENTLY YOU ALL WISH THEY HAD

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The hottest sex tape that never happened is Amal Alamuddin and George Clooney, at least that’s according to Vivid Entertainment, who annually ranks the most wanted celebrity couple sex tapes. Last year Amal and George topped the list, as they do again this year. According to Vivid president Steven Hirsch, “George and Amal continue to be the most coveted by Vivid and are at the top of the list again because they’re super hot and look better than ever. Fans either want to meet them or be them.” We’re not sure we can agree with Steve on this one, but we can’t say he doesn’t know his business. “Taylor is our second choice because not only is she an amazing entertainer, she is incredibly beautiful and wildly popular. Calvin has his own success as a recording artist and women really love him. These tall, slender blondes would have strong appeal to a younger audience,” Steve added. “We’d have to put Justin and Selena plus Kylie and Tyga on the list because they are young, unpredictable and have great sexual charisma.” Now, we would love to see Taylor Swift in a sex tape, but only in a Kink.com bondage and torture style one, some serious 50 Shades of Grey all over Taylor’s country turned pop turned truly annoying ass. That we’d pay like $2.99 to see, but we’re not sure we can get down with Serena Williams and Drake (that just seems like gay/tranny porn). Whether you agree or not, here’s Vivid’s full top ten list:

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1. Amal Alamuddin and George Clooney
2. Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris
3. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber
4. Kylie Jenner and Tyga
5. Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik
6. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton
7. Serena Williams and Drake
8. Behati Prinsloo and Adam Levine
9. Anna Faris and Chris Pratt
10. Amber Heard and Johnny Depp

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ASHLEYMADISON HACKERS RELEASED FILES ONLY THE BEGINNING, FIRST CELEBRITY CHEATER IS JOSH DUGGER

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Josh Dugger is the first “celebrity” outed as a cheater from the massive AshelyMadison.com hack, but he will not be the last. With 37 million names, Josh Dugger is small potatoes. Get ready for more celebrities, politicians, investigations, discharges, terminations, and yeah, a shit load of divorces. The release is a virtual orgy of evidence for massive social celebrity chaos. Just take dumbass Josh Dugger. He reportedly spent as much as $986.76 for two subscriptions on AshleyMadison.com, including an initial fee of $250 that appeared to be for an “affair guarantee,” as AshleyMadison.com offers to customers who buy 1,000 credits for $250 a money-back “affair guarantee,” if they don’t have an affair within three months. Not surprising given recent revelations concerning Josh and child molestation allegations. The profile linked to a credit card in his name matching his home address (owned by his grandmother), was looking for someone who is interested in “one-night stands,” “experimenting with sex toys,” “someone who can teach me,” “open to experimentation,” “Good With Your Hands,” Sensual Massage,” “Extended Foreplay/Teasing,” “Bubble Bath for 2,” “Likes to Give Oral Sex,” among others, and seeking someone “professional/well groomed,” “short height,” “high sex drive,” “natural breasts,” “girl next door,” “naughty girl,” and of course, “Has a secret love nest,” among other qualities. Mark our words, this is only the beginning.

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PORN STAR CELEBRITY CRUSHES, JILLIAN JANSON WANTS BEYONCE, AND WE’RE HOPING SHE’S OPEN TO A THREESOME

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Want to know what porn stars are thinking? It’s not hard, just ask. That’s what Adult Empire did. “Adult Empire asked some of porn’s top stars what celebs catch their eyes.” Basically, who are your celebrity crushes? And they got a lot of porn stars to answer, with a few interesting results. We expected Brad Pitt and George Clooney to appear, but Keanu Reeves? And Liam Neeson? It’s difficult enough to accept that while watching your favorite porn star being banged by some other guy, she’s probably not thinking about you, but even worse that she’s probably thinking about Timothy Olyphant. The best response came from Jillian Janson, who was all up in Beyonce’s junk. That’s where we often dwell too. Threesome? Maybe? Potentially? Just call us Jillian. Let’s make that happen. Here are the rest of the responses.

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Jillian Janson — “Beyoncé. I look up to her in lots of way. I hope to some day make my career like hers, but in the porn sense. She represents a lot of sexy class. She’s my idol in a lot of ways.”

Kendra Lust — “I think Channing Tatum is very, very sexy, and I like Mark Wahlberg. I wish he was a little bit taller, [but] that’s okay.”

Penny Pax — “I’ve always had a soft spot for Keanu Reeves. He was definitely super cute back in Bill & Ted, but I loved the Matrix Keanu, Constantine – he’s just a good-looking dude. And he plays in a band, so there’s always that musician thing!”

Nikita Von James — “The Rock. He’s hilarious, he’s funny, he’s always in comedies playing with kids, but he’s such a big boy. He’s very virile. And Vin Diesel!”

Aaliyah Love — “Mark Walhberg. I think he’s the most handsome man to ever exist.”

Director/writer Jacky St. James — “Timothy Olyphant. That man could look at me and I would have an orgasm. There’s just something really inherently sexy and kind of blue collar about him, but he’s extremely intelligent. He just kind of is the complete package all in one. And he’s got a great smile! And he’s a great kisser – I only know this from watching him kiss women in movies!”

Karla Lane — “Liam Neeson. I love his poise – especially after his wife passed away, how he handled everything. That’s very sexy to me. He’s just a very sexy man to me – I have a thing for older guys, too.”

Cindy Starfall — “I like Brad Pitt and George Clooney. I love older American men when they have that George Clooney “pepperish” hair. I like that. Brad Pitt’s too hairy now, but maybe when he was in Ocean’s Twelve.”

Allison Moore — “Alexander Skarsgard. He is fucking hot and I would love to just spend a 24-hour period with him, because an evening would just not be enough.”

Karen Fisher — “It’s crazy! Everybody laughs at me, but I really like Conan O’Brien. I think he’s so funny. He seems like he’d be really cool to hang out with. I know he’s not super hot, but he seems like he’d be a fun person to be around. I’m more of a personality person – obviously you have to be attracted to the person, but I would rather spend time with someone who has a really amazing personality and average looking than with someone who is really hot with a shitty personality.”


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