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CHRISSY TEIGEN’S TALKING TITS VIDEO

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Chrissy Teigen is topless with her hands over her breasts, making them talk, in this Sports Illustrated behind the scenes video. Her tits apparently have a Southern accent. It really only goes to show that when Chrissy does wild and outrageous shit, it’s not likely cause she’s drunk, but because Chrissy is wild and crazy. Take for example, the talking tits…

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CHRISSY TEIGEN’S HUGELY ENORMOUS BOOBS HAVE BEEN DRIVING US MAD

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Most people get hot and bothered over the latest optical illusion, like what color is this dress? The actual color of something or other has been driving most of the mainstream social media mad. Is it blue? Is it orange? What color is it? We don’t care. What has been driving us made recently has been Chrissy Teigen. She was on the beach in a white tee, with no bra, and it looked like she was packing midget twins underneath her shirt who had gigantic nipples for faces. We were like, midgets or breasts, midgets or breasts? That is what has been driving us mad.

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CHRISSY TEIGEN DAY 16 WORKOUT CLEAVAGE AND ASS

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Cleavage and ass just about sums up Chrissy Teigen’s appearance on Day 16 of Love magazine’s advent video calendar. We are trying to understand this new approach Love has taken, but when it comes to cleavage and ass, what really is there more to understand?

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CHISSY TEIGEN’S DRESS CUT JUST A BIT TOO HIGH, AND EXPOSED HER PUSSY AT THE AMAS

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Chrissy Teigen was just among a long list of celebrities ready to parade their vagina in front of the red carpet the American Music Awards. Though, we will say, Chrissy did it with some style, in black Yousef Akbar gown, with splits up to her ribcage. With splits that high, you know something is bound to pop up. Now, the design did have gold safety pins, intended to keep Chrissy’s pussy under wraps. But that rarely even happens. It’s a breeze, it’s a wardrobe malfunction, let’s be honest, it’s indecent exposure. Chrissy’s pussy got out. And social media had things to say, criticizing Chrissy as “unladylike” (the kinder version of “whore”). Chrissy took it in stride, and going with the play on words, responded, “I am pretty sure you could clearly see I’m a lady.” And, yes, you could. She later apologized-sh, offering on Instagram her “apologies to anyone harmed mentally or physically by my hooha” while also letting everyone know her “laser hair removal is @sevlaseraesthetics,” just in case you wanted a smooth pussy just like Chrissy.

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CHRISSY TEIGEN CALLS IT QUITS ON TWITTER

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The world can be a cruel place. It is especially cruel when you have to suffer like Chrissy Teigen, attractive, married to a wealthy recording artist and musician like John Legend, life can be tough. We understand. Chrissy decided to take her Twitter page private, explaining that “Yeah. Not strong enough anymore. It’s not haters or trolls or generally mean people. I just feel like I’m absorbing bad shit 24/7. My body and mind cannot handle it anymore.” So we say farewell to Chrissy, until she is strong enough again.

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CHRISSY TEIGEN MOMMY NIPPLES

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Chrissy Teigen is the new MILF on the block. She could start a girl band with a number of other female celebrities basking in the glow of after-baby big tits and curves that they never had before (some had them before, but look better). Like MILF Girls, a spin on the Spice Girls, where Chrissy would be like the Exotic MILF. We would buy a concert ticket, even if they couldn’t sing. Anyway, Chrissy was out with John Legend, and Kanye West and Kim Kardashian for lunch at Nobu, in Malibu. And believe it or not, Chrissy upstaged Kim with her enormous mom boobs and protruding nipples (aka pokies).

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CHRISSY TEIGEN IS FLASHING HER TITS FOR FASHION

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Chrissy Teigen, model and wife to John Legend, used to be coy about and protective of her nude body. But after someone released nude pictures of Chrissy, her tits have been everywhere. It appears that Chrissy decided if people are going to expose them anyway, she might as well make money off of them herself. Good philosophy. Chrissy was nude again for fashion, posing topless for Markus & Koala.

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INSTAGRAM SPEAKS ON #FREETHENIPPLE

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Instagram’s policy against female nipples has remained firm, no nipples, no time, not now or ever. Sad. Women have tried to #FreeTheNipple, but so far, none have escaped Instagram’s watchful censorship eye. Why? What’s all the nipple ruckus about? Well, Instagram recently spoke out, blaming Apple. According to Business Insider, Instagram CEO Kevin Systrom “said at the event hosted by Dazed Media on Wednesday in Shoreditch, London, that Apple’s App Store has strict guidelines on the types of content allowed within apps, explicitly banning nudity unless the app is rated 17+. He went on to say that Instagram wants to appeal to as many users as possible, and gaining a higher age rating would prohibit younger users who want to view PG-13 content.” Basically, blame Apple not us. In passing the buck, Kevin also said Instagram is “committed to artistic freedom” and that “in order to scale effectively there are [some] tough calls.” We just can’t agree. This is easy. #FreeTheNipple. Two of the most memorable nipples on Instgram, Naomi Campbell and Chrissy Teigen, only strengthen the case for nipple equality in an era where censorship on the Internet seems like a band aid in place of the Hoover Dam. Let them free!

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CHRISSY TEIGEN IS LIKE NAKED, ALL DAY, ALL DAY

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There was a time when just catching a glimpse of Chrissy Teigen’s bare breasts was the predicate to a lawsuit. We should know. Chrissy’s lawyers have threatened to sue us at least once about her nakedness. But since then, it seems Chrissy can’t keep her panties on. It’s like damn, somebody sneezed, and…..Chrissy Teigen pulled down her panties for a shoot. Her ass, tits, pubes, everything are plastered everywhere. And we’re not saying that’s a bad thing. To the contrary. We like it. But we are just a little taken aback by the change. Sneeze. And……Chrissy Teigen just dropped her panties for Women’s Health. In the new issue, Chrissy dishes about her desire to have a big fat old ghetto booty (which at the risk of being racists, we are going to have to attribute to husband John Legend). “I would love to have a little fat on my sides so I can be sexy, curvy,” she said. “I’d love a big butt. But I just can’t get there.” Keep working girl, we would love you to have a big butt too.

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EVERYONE ENAMORED WITH CHRISSY TEIGEN’S BUTT ON VACATION

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After posing nude, Chrissy Teigen is still showing her star power with non-nude pictures, though provocative non-nude pictures. Her butt is trending today, after she posted pictures of her curvaceous backside to Instagram. We don’t make the news, and open-back one-piece swimsuit butt pictures, no matter how tight the wedgie aren’t exactly a top headline for us, but we never doubt the will and desire of the people. And right now that will and desire is focused on Chrissy Tiegen’s ass. We are happy to oblige.

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WOMEN ARE NOW POSTING MALE NIPPLES ONTO THEIR TITS TO PROTEST INSTRAGRAM’S NUDITY POLICY

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There are inequities in this world, no doubt. One we are certainly in favor of eradicating is nipple inequality. If a man can show his nips, we are all for women being able to show her nips too (some of them). The FreeTheNipple campaign has been waging this battle for some time, and a few celebrities have joined, like Miley Cyrus, Chelsea Handler, and most recently Chrissy Teigen, posting their nude breasts to Instagram and on other social media sites only to have them removed (except on Twitter, cause Twitter likes titties). Well, after much defeat, women are now turning the tables and Photoshopping male nipples onto their nude breasts and posting them on Instagram, to highlight the unequal nipple treatment. Though, we have to say, we’re not convinced this is an effective tactic, since it only shows how much more attractive and sexual the pictures would have been with female nipples. But since we’re down with the cause, we can only do our best to support it. Here are a few pictures in a show of support.

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IF CHRISSY TEIGEN DIDN’T MAKE $3 MILLION ON THESE NUDES, THE WORLD IS JUST NOT FAIR

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You might have felt that slight tremor nomatter where you were in the world. That’s when Chrissy Teigen dropped her complete nudes on the world, and it was felt in just about every corner. We haven’t been huge Chrissy Teigen fans, with the exceptional story here and there. We’ve largely felt she was uninteresting and too reserved for our tastes, in spite being one of the more unique and exceptionally beautiful models we’ve seen. Her marriage to John Legend made he more of a celebrity anyway, and tracking the mundane goings on of a moderate to conservative celebrity just isn’t our thing. (We prefer our celebrities raunchy like Miley Cyrus.) But the nude pictures of Chrissy have in our humble opinion put her in an orbit around which we can only circle in awe. Suffice it to say, we’re fans now. We’re definitely fans.

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CHRISSY TEIGEN’S NIPPLES STAY UP ON INSTAGRAM, AND HER LITTLE MODEL FRIENDS TOO…..

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Chrissy Teigen and a host of other supermodels got, well let’s just say it, slutty for W magazine. The list of supermodels includes Emily Ratajkowski, Irina Shayk, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Bella Hadid, Anna Ewers, Lily Aldridge, Joan Smalls, Barbara Palvin, Chrissy Teigen, and Doutzen Kroes, all who posed provocativey for the magazine shoot. Chrissy was full nipples out, and she even posted her picture on Instagram, in spite of its policy against nudity. Chrissy said, “this story shot by #mertandmarkus for @wmag. Honored to be in the company of such gorgeous women! Makeup, #yadim and hair @jimmypaulhair – thank you, W Magazine and @edward_enninful! @imgmodels”. Now, that isn’t exactly a manifesto for nipple equality, but the picture is defiant in its own right. We’re proud of Chrissy, cause frankly, we’re tired of seeing Chelsea Handler’s tits in this fight all alone. Most of Chrissy’s contemporaries weren’t so bold, but they were equally as slutty (but in the really fashion conscious artistic sort of way) for their magazine shots.

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