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THE AMY SCHUMER SPREAD EAGLE BIKINI SHOT THAT NO ONE WANTED BUT WE ARE FORCED TO LOOK AT ANYWAY

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Comedian Amy Schumer almost broke the Internet with her nasty ass vagina spread eagle bikini shot in celebration of National Bikini Day. It was of course intended to be funny. Amy wrote with the post, “National bikini day! #wherewasmyparisfashionweekinvite”. Not everyone got the joke. But Amy is used to the criticism, because, well, she shouldn’t be showcasing herself in a bikini and she knows it. Amy covered the May issue of InStyle in a white one-piece, and swimwear designer Dana Duggan wrote, “Come on now! You could not find anyone better for this cover? Not everyone should be in a swimsuit,” on Instagram, adding a vomit emoji. Amy is still making people vomit, in the name of comedy and body positivity.

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LESLIE JONES JUST CAN’T GET A BREAK, AS NUDE PICTURES LEAK

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Comedian Leslie Jones, 48, has had a rough last few months, ever since the incredibly horrible all-female remake of Ghostbusters started. She wasn’t the only woman in it. And she had relatively easy shoes to fill in Ernie Hudson’s character, who really was just a diversity nod. That’s not to say we didn’t love Ernie Hudson, who was part of what made the original great. What we are saying is that of the four actresses cast, Leslie has received the most shit. And the shit continues today. Poor Leslie’s website was hacked and nude pictures of Leslie, assumed to be from her iCloud account, were posted along with some racist posts. Leslie had to take down her website. The hackers stepped up the racist attacks on Leslie, however, by posting a picture of the dead gorilla Harambe onto her personal Tumblr site, along with more explicit photos, her phone number and Twitter password, as well as screen grabs of her driver’s license and passport, according to TMZ. Now Leslie is not the model of beauty, and we are a little surprised that anyone wanted to see her naked pictures. Maybe that is a little racist and sexist too, but only a little, cause Leslie ain’t no supermodel, we’re just saying. But nude pictures were released, and some of you are interested, and we are an uncensored news blog, so if that’s how you get down, who are we to stop you from getting down how you like. There was one too explicit for us to even show, it was an anal sex shot of Leslie taking dick in her ass (a POV shot from above). Poor Leslie. But since she has experience in the anal sex arena, this is just like one of those times, you just grab your cheeks, try to relax and it will all be over soon. We sympathize.

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AMY SCHUMER HAS THE ITCHY VAG AND WE DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW

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If and when you contract an STD, while we hope that is something you disclose to any sexual partner, it’s probably not something that you need to tell the whole world on the Golden Globes broadcast. We don’t know what was causing comedian Amy Schumer’s vag to itch last night at the Golden Globes, cause she didn’t get an opportunity to explain before she got cut off quickly. But hopefully she can get a cream or something and work that out. Not exactly what we wanted to know, but it definitely made Ryan Seacrest squirm, cause that’s what Amy does, though maybe a little off the funny mark. Itchy vag, yeah, not so funny.

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HOW TO GET A THREESOME

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Comedian Nicole Arbour’s shit has been blowing up recently. And rightly so, cause she’s fucking hilarious. Her new topic of choice may be less practical than it is amusing, but if you were looking on advice for how to get a threesome, you could probably do worse.

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