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COURTNEY STODDEN BIKINI UPSKIRT WITHOUT THE SKIRT

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An upskirt without a skirt is just a direct pussy shot, but clothed. Courtney Stodden gave a pussy shot in her recent bikini pictures at the beach. Courtney put on a show, but it was much more tame than we’ve come to expect from Courtney. She frolicked with a buff black dude. It wasn’t that interesting. Without the pussy shot, we’d have passed entirely.

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COURTNEY STODDEN BATHROOM SELFIES ON INSTAGRAM

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We haven’t checked in with Courtney Stodden in a while. She recently released some red bikini beach pictures, which weren’t very interesting. So we strolled over to her Instagram page, to find something better. She had a couple bathroom selfies, which in our opinion were much more interesting than the bikini pictures. So we went with it, especially cause Courtney had a body positive message, saying, “Have confidence we’re all beautiful in our own way. #picoftheday”. We find this amusing, because Courtney isn’t really the ideal messenger for the body positive message, since she’s had a fair amount of surgery to get her body to look the way it does, and she continues to channel Marilyn Monroe, who also doesn’t appear high on our body positive role model list. But we go with it, cause thinking is hard.

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COURTNEY STODDEN TAKES THE GIRLS OUT FOR A WALK IN SANTA MONICA

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The Sun is reporting that Courtney Stodden is on the dating site whatsyourprice.com under the online screen name “Sugar Cane.” It’s like a dating site for hookers and Johns. There are two account types, “Generous” – where you pay for dates, and “Attractive”- where you get paid for going out on dates. Courtney’s profile says that she’s interested in “short-term relationships” and “activity partners” as well as being open to “no strings attached” and “sugar daddy / sugar baby” connections. And of course, because she really just wants to find love, she also refers to herself as “long-term relationship” and “marriage minded”. When asked, the Sun says Courtney admitted she posted the profile, saying, “Now that I’m single, I’m excited to explore my options, and to have fun while doing it.” She was also out on Santa Monica promoting herself, perhaps in the hopes of getting more “dates.”

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COURTNEY STODDEN VERSUS MALE URINAL

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Courtney Stodden proves she can pee standing up and she isn’t ashamed to post that shit to Instagram. She recently put a picture of herself pulling up skirt and putting down a yellow stream at a men’s room urinal, saying, “On my way to Vegas #hadtopee women’s wasn’t open.” Sometimes you gotta go.

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COURTNEY STODDEN IS GETTING SUMMER STARTED EARLY IN HOT SWIMSUIT

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Courtney Stodden is avant-garde. Not really, she just takes shit other people have done well and recycles it, Courtney Stodden style. But she is good at it. With summer only a couple months away, Courtney posted on her Instagram page that she is getting shit started early. She posted pictures what looks like lingerie but she claimed was her swimsuit for the summer. She said, “Starting summer early! #onepieceswimsuit”. It wasn’t all that revealing, but with a plunging tie-up neck line in front and Courtney’s gigantic fake tits, it was a heavy cleavage show.

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COURTNEY STODDEN SHOWED UP AND SHOWED OUT AT THE 100 STARS BLACK TIE DINNER

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Courtney Stodden is single, and she is wasting no time letting people know she is back on the market. She was out at the 27th Annual Night of 100 Stars Black Tie Dinner Viewing Gala at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, like all out. It is hard to contain tits that big. And her black dress with metallic floral embellishment and lace-up silhouette was putting in over-time, but it wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough.

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COURTNEY STODDEN TAKES A NEAR TOPLESS WALK THROUGH THE PARK

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Courtney Stodden was out recently, seeking publicity. When you only wear a see through bra (a black sheer bralette with gold and black lace edging) to take your dog for a walk in New York City, that is pretty clear. Or you just haven’t done laundry and have nothing to wear. That makes less sense in this case, because Courtney had a fur coat but didn’t wear it to cover herself, she used it to sit on top of in more pictures. There is a third explanation, since Courtney recently recently split from husband Doug Hutchison, after their six year relationship. But that still is publicity seeking, even if to find a new old man to warm up under. For nipple gawkers, Courtney was on full display. It was only 55-degrees in New York, so, Courtney was especially perky. She was in town to host a night at HQNYC Gentleman’s Club.

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COURTNEY STODDEN OFFICIALLY HAS THE WORST CHRISTMAS VIDEO OF THE YEAR (CENTURY)

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Teen bride Coutney Stodden did an official Christmas music video, called “Mistletoe Bikini.” Courtney has patterned herself after Marilyn Monroe, a cheapish knock-off version of Marilyn, but a version nonetheless. So it should come as no surprise that this cheapish Marilyn Monroe-ish, blonde “Mistletoe Bikini” music video did not register on any music billboard. But social media fans have stayed faithful to the Courtney Stodden bleach blonde religion, racking up over 138K views. You really need to be a fucked up cult drone to appreciate this video.

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COURTNEY STODDEN GOES EVIL CLOWN FOR HALLOWEEN SHOOT

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The evil clown craze is sweeping the United States, and Courtney Stodden put her own twist on it, like an erotic necrophilic sexy evil clown. She was topless, with black tape across her nipples. Under the makeup it was hard to tell who it was, but Courtney revealed herself on Instagram, saying, “Im one of those clowns on the loose #watchout #tmz #halloween #clown.”

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COURTNEY STODDEN WANTS KEN BONE TO #BONEME

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Ken Bone is a national celebrity, for appearing in the presidential debate last night, and wearing the goofiest red cardigan, white tie, and black-rimmed glasses (and let’s now forget the name, Ken…..Bone). He has become an Internet sensation. In the town hall style audience question debate, Ken asked, “What steps will your energy policy take to meet our energy needs while at the same time remaining environmentally friendly and minimizing job layoffs?” But no one cared about the question. It was the second-to-last question of the night. The candidates had already been smeared in a nasty debate night that saw the most personal and salacious allegations ever. It was Ken who was the center of attention, as an awkwardly uncomfortable standout fitting for this debate. When asked about his newfound celebrity, Ken said, “I went from, last night, having seven Twitter followers, two of which were my grandmother…to now, I have several hundred. And I don’t know why they care what I have to say, but I’m glad they’re engaged in the political process.” Now Ken Bone can add Courtney Stodden to his list of admirers. She recently posted a picture of herself in only panties and bra pining for Bone. She said, “Every Barbie needs a Ken … and Ken Bone is mine! #kenbone #boneme #presidentialdebate.”

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COURTNEY STODDEN CHALLENGES BRODY JENNER TO AN “ACT OFF” (AND NO THAT’S NOT A REAL THING, BUT NICE CLEAVAGE COURTNEY)

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In response to the question of who should play play Stephanie Pratt should The Hills ever be turned into a movie, Brody Jenner said, “Courtney Stodden. That’s what you get, Stephanie, when you talk shit,” in a video filmed by MTV. It was a slight to Courtney, of course. And so Courtney responded with an Instagram rant that was even more ridiculous than what we normally come to expect from Courtney (though, she is likely still reeling from a recent miscarriage, and we did notice a glass of wine in the background). Courtney unloaded: “Oh my God, don’t even get me started on that Brody Jenner. He’s an asshole, seriously. One, he’s derogatory toward women. Basically categorizing women as if they’re talentless regardless of how they look. Even if they look a certain way: ‘Oh, they can’t act.’ Fucking asshole, seriously. Two, kick a woman when she’s down: I have been dealing with so much lately. Your timing is shit, Brody. And three, I don’t think you can act. So why don’t we do an act-off. I challenge you to one. I can act circles around your ass. So an act-off or fuck off. Prick.” We have no idea what an “act off” is, nor are we as convinced that Courtney would win. A drink off maybe. But we do give Courtney points for going on a drunken rant topless in a bra, showing off her huge, and we mean YUGE, enhancements. If this were Grey’s Anatomy, we’d nickname her “McChesty.”

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COURTNEY STODDEN IS PREGNANT, SO HOW BIG WILL HER FAKE MOMMY BOOBS GET?

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We ask the probing questions. Courtney Stodden has announced she’s pregnant. Yay! Wait. Shit! Bad. Very bad. Think of that child. Wait. Don’t. That’s really depressing. That child’s future is so dim it better get a flashlight. Wait. All the best, Courtney, we wish you all the best! Courtney said, “It’s a bittersweet time for me right now. I’m dealing with a lot of stress and emotions surrounding life and its ups and downs. Doug and I weren’t planning on going public with this so soon. I’m only four weeks along in my pregnancy. But some things are out of your control.” Errr….not exactly. Birth control is actually well in your control. But we digress. The real question of course is how big will her already gigantic fake boobs get as they start swelling with baby milk. Stay tuned folks. This baby mama drama ain’t over (we’ll save the sex tape screen shots for next time around).

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COURNEY STODDEN HAS A MESSAGE ON HER ASS FOR DONALD TRUMP

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Anytime you write a message on your ass with the word “dump” in it, you’ve gotta know it won’t evoke the sexiest of images. Ass and dump together, well, basically you can only think of shit. And shit’s not very sexy. Courtney Stodden, however, didn’t get the memo. She was out in her bikini, not all that well put together (or her makeup artist needs to be shot), with the message “Dump Trump” on her ass. The ass message, sexy. Trashing Donald Trump, en vogue these days. But “dump,” still doesn’t work for us. It’s too messy, even if it rhymes.

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COURTNEY STODDEN’S STRANGE LAP DANCE ENDORSEMENT OF BERNIE SANDERS NO HELP AT ALL

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Bernie Sanders got his ass handed to him yesterday in the most recent round of primaries, losing in Ohio, Florida, Illinois, North Carolina, and likely Missouri (word is still out on that one). It appears that Courtney Stodden’s endorsement really didn’t help, strange as fuck as it was. Courtney posted on Instagram video of her giving a lap dance to a guy in a Bernie Sanders mask, as she sang, “Talk Bernie to me,” “Talk Bernie to me” and “Get Bernie on it,” set to Jason Derulo’s “Talk Dirty.” It was creepy. It was weird. Courtney wrote “Me & Mr. Sanders have a thing going on… #MrPresident #TalkBernieToMe #CrushingHard #BernieSanders.” And given her affinity for dirty old men (remember Courtney married married, divorced, and then remarried 50-year-old actor Doug Hutchison when she was 16), we really wonder if there may be something going on. Courtney Stodden would be a pretty fun consolation after getting ass fucked by Hillary Clinton. And politics does make strange bedfellows. It you want to want this weird, creepy endorsement, click here . We’ll give you a few screen shots if you’ve reached your creep-factor limit today.

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IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY, SO SINCERELY FROM COURTNEY STODDEN

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Courtney Stodden is still on this Marilyn Monroe kick, and it’s not working. But when one thing doesn’t work, you try another. For a brief moment, Courtney stopped to imitate Kim Kardashian, cause everything Kim does works. Courtney got in front of her mirror and took a nude selfie, that she posted to Instagram, censored, of course. She said “Working on a new single! It’s coming out soon… Oh & I can’t find anything to wear either, Kim! #girlproblems #kimkardashian” Uhhhh, okay. Courtney nude, folks. Hopefully someone is working on creating an uncensored one soon.

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COURTNEY STODDEN MAY HAVE A BUN IN THE OVEN, SO CAN WE EXPECT PREGGO PORN?

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Courtney Stodden was spotted in Los Angeles buying a pregnancy test. Now, we use the word “spotted” very loosely, because if Courtney wanted privacy, she surely could have found a way to get a pregnancy test in a much less public way. Courtney wanted the world to know she was potentially knocked up. Since Courtney is no longer a teenager, she can’t be trying out for “Teen Moms,” but we suspect there’s a reality television angle in there somewhere…..or possibly porn. Preggo porn is big these days, and now that Courtney is officially a porn star, it may not be far off the mark.

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