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ALABAMA FINDS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT FOR TEACHERS TO HAVE SEX WITH STUDENTS, ROLL TIDE!

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Carrie Witt, who taught at Decatur High School, and David Solomon, a former aide at Falkville High, both got caught fucking students. They both got charged. But neither got convicted. That’s because in Alabama while it is illegal for teachers to have sex with students under the age of 19, it is not illegal for anyone else to have sex with a student over the age of 16. Unlike everybody else in Alabama, teachers who fuck kids who are 16, 17 or 18 (or 19), could be charged with a Class B felony, and face a punishment of up to 20 years behind bars. So Carrie and David said, this is unfair. They should be constitutionally protected in their right to fuck 16, 17 and 18 year-olds too. And goddamn if some fucking judge in Alabama didn’t buy it. Morgan County Circuit Judge Glenn Thompson dismissed the charges against Carried and David, agreeing with their lawyers that the law violates teachers’ equal protection right under the 14th Amendment, because it treats teachers and other school employees differently than other citizens. “The Court finds this statute unconstitutional as applied to these defendants,” said the judge. “In finding so, this court does not endeavor to absolve any wrongdoing or to excuse the defendants. Moreover, the court does not encourage any similarly situated party to engage with impunity in what may very well be criminal behavior.” Alabama, folks, Ala-fuckin’-bama.

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JUDGMENT DAY FOR MARIO ANTOINE, FAKE PORN PRODUCER

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Mario Ambrose Antoine, 33, will likely be seen producing his personal porn videos from prison, with titles like “Mario Gangbanged in the Shower” and “Mario Blowbang for Breakfast.” But you likely won’t shed any tears over Mario. He was recently charged in federal court with a 21-count indictment, including 12 counts of wire fraud, two counts of cyberstalking, two counts of online enticement, two counts of making false statements to federal law enforcement agents, one count of obstructing justice, one count of extortion and one count of falsely registering a domain name. He pretended to be a porn producer and forced women to have sex with him as part of an “audition.” While this is the theme of a popular porn series, Mario didn’t figure out it was all scripted and the models were acting. Instead, Mario took the theme of the porn videos to heart. He is charged with having created several online pseudonyms and fake Facebook profiles, posing as a talent agent and videographer, starting in August 2011. For example, on his Facebook pages, Antoine allegedly claimed that he owned porn companies such as “Playboy Worldwide,” “Playboy Asia” and “Dash Agency.” He promised auditions to women in the Kansas City area for modeling positions and to rehearse for parts in his porn movies, according to court papers filed in the United States District Court for the District of Kansas, in Kansas City. But Mario required the women to have sex with him first to see if they could pass muster. Then he allegedly recorded sex with the victims, offering them tens of thousands of dollars. But he had no intention of ever paying them, according to federal prosecutors. In several instances, he allegedly later threatened his victims with the tapes, either threatening to send them to their employers or seeking money or more sex from them. We don’t think we’ll be seeing Mario anytime soon, he is still in federal custody, pending a detention hearing Thursday.

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