We have no idea what society has come to. There is just no respect anymore, not even for revered institutions like the Office of the First Lady. Who hates on a First Lady? And at a point when we have the sexiest First Lady ever, who posed nude, why all the hate? Well, perhaps because her husband, President Donald Trump inspires it. Like today. Snoop Dog made a video shooting a Donald Trump look-a-like in the head. It was probably over the line. Again, no respect. But it ain’t like Donald is all that respectful himself. So if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. And it’s Snoop Dogg, so no harm, no foul, and it was funny. So Donald Trump being Donald Trump, did what Donald Trump ordinarily does: he tweeted. The president said, “Can you imagine what the outcry would be if @SnoopDogg, failing career and all, had aimed and fired the gun at President Obama? Jail time!” And then Lil Bow Bow of all people jumped into the beef to say, “Ayo @realDonaldTrump shut your punk ass up talking shit about my uncle @SnoopDogg before we pimp your wife and make her work for us.” Snoop is at least really fucking funny when he does something. We can’t say as much for Bow Wow. And still we continue to empathize with our favorite naked First Lady.
Body, Donald Trump, First Lady, Lil Bow Wow, Melania Trump, Naked, Nude, President, Snoop Dogg, Twitter
We all know that the president of the United States has said some things that were a few notches short of hitting the politically correct benchmark. Some of it was downright lewd. Grab ’em by the pussy comes to mind. But when you put all the un-P.C. things he’s said together and compare them against a few select porn quotes, asking New Yorkers if you can tell the different, it gets pretty shameful. But the silver lining is, against the president, everyone can stand a little bit taller and more respectable. Cause who among us has ever mocked a disabled guy in public? (We know a large number of you have done it is public.) That’s pretty bad.
Donald Trump, Porn, President, Quotes, Video
Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. If you haven’t figured out the right way to tell someone how much you love them, perhaps president Donald Trump can help. Valentine’s Day cards featuring parodies of some of the president’s most famous lines from his unconventional campaign have been circulating the Internet. Here is a sample of some of the best from a collection we found. You know there had to be a pussy one. (We do not advise you to give this to someone, unless you are both die-hard Trump fans and you get a hard on or lady wood at just the sight of the man. But it’s a free country, right? Well, not if your an immigrant, Muslim, or a woman not willing to have her pussy grabbed at random by celebrities (but what woman doesn’t want that?))
Cards, Donald Trump, President, Pussy, Valentine's Day
And then there were three. Donald Trump has inspired many things in his few short weeks as President of the United States, including a resurgence of Trump porn. xHamster is riding the wave of that resurgence and plans to ride it for the next four years, with an open casting call for Donald Trump porn star impersonators for a series of Donald Trump parody porn. They’ve been hunting for candidates with “unique hair,” “small hands” and “the ability to make incredible deals, and bring the HUGE-ness (or ‘YUGE’ in the parlance of Trump) of the president-elect to the small screens and tablets of our consumers” since November, receiving “many” submissions, which have been narrowed down to three. Their video auditions have been posted onto xHamster’s YouTube channel. And now xHamster users are being asked to vote for their favorite of the final three, the winner to be announced during the first 100 days of Trump ‘s presidency. The candidates sure do have the president down. One said in his video, “I’m here to tell you that I don’t lose. Okay, I’m not gonna lose.” And then asks, “Is this the face of a loser,” while holding a Hilary Clinton doll. Another said, “Yeah, we’re going out tonight”, pointing towards a Melania Trump doppelganger, “I’m gonna be with this pig, horrible woman, but we’re gonna do our best!”
xHamster spokesperson Alex Hawkins said, “The Trump transition has been turbulent for all of us. We apologise for the delay in getting out this request. There is nothing more that the American public needs that quality adult content parodies to help them understand that ever shifting landscape of their Executive Branch of government.” About the final choice, xHamster said, “this performer would need to be in the ‘best health of any actor to do porn’, to have even more in common with the President-elect, whose own physician said that Trump is the ‘healthiest person to run for President in history.’ The ability to harness both Trump’s complete understanding of all issues without any actual knowledge of an issue, is also an optional trait.” xHamster is also casting a Trump cabinet, Trump family, and Trump Supreme Court nominations. The winner of the Donald Trump casting gets his own Twitter handle, @TheRealxHDonaldTrump. So who will it be?
Auditions, Casting, Donald Trump, Parody, Porn, Porn Star, Video
The person who had the idea that bare asses are a powerful form of political protest is a genius. As much so as the women of FEMEN, who figured out that bare breasts are even more powerful. And once people starting figuring that out, you get things like #RumpsAgainstTrump, a growing movement to get the president to release his taxes. They have a Facebook page, which promotes an upcoming protest in front of the Trump building in Chicago, on February 12, 2017, and an Instagram page dedicated to eager protesters who’ve already went to the building to bare their asses in protest. Here’s what the protest is about according to their Facebook page: “S#!TSHOW Presents: Operation ‘Kiss Our Asses, Release Your Taxes!’ In 2006, a Maryland state circuit court determined that mooning is a form of artistic expression protected by the First Amendment as a form of speech. Donald Trump doesn’t think the American people want to see his tax returns, so let’s show him that we do in the classiest way possible! Meet at 3:30 PM at Trump Tower, right in front by the riverside. At the crack of 4:00 PM (pun intended), we’ll pull down our pants for a whole 10 seconds and send a powerful message to the Washington elites.” A powerful message, indeed. This is “to be continued” until next Sunday.
#RumpsAgainstTrump, ass, booty, Butt, Chicago, Donald Trump, Mooning, President, Protest
By now you all know that our current president once said, as a celebrity, you can do anything to women, you can “grab ’em by the pussy,” whatever. It has sparked a lot of pussy protesters. Pussy has now become a powerful political term. Bill Maher decided to talk about our president for his pussy comments. But that turned out to be a bad idea, because he then got outed by porn star Jenna Jameson. Jenna said, “Just watched @billmaher for shits and giggles. You rail Trump about his grabbing pussy statement? lol I’ve seen you at the PB mansion,”, “Lol trust in fact, I saw his behavior… he fits right in with us ‘pussy grabbers,'” and “My point is that he can’t be shocked at Trumps comments many years ago, when he is truly the deplorable one.” Damn, looks like Jenna’s got Bill by the pussy.
Bill Maher, Donald Trump, Jenna Jameson, Naked, Nude, President, Pussy
DONALD TRUMP IS NOW PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AND WE SEE A WHOLE LOT MORE MELANIA TRUMP PORN COMING
Donald J. Trump is officially the 45th president of the United States. He is now the leader of the free world, after having taken the oath of office at his inauguration this afternoon, with the world cautiously watching and hanging on his every word. While they were hanging on his words, most of the watching was on the new first lady, Melania Trump, 46. We have all seen her naked. And as the inauguration has approached, we’ve started to see an explosion of Melania Trump porn. We suspect it will only continue as porn takes an increasing interest in the new president and the new hot as fuck first lady. She’s probably the hottest first lady ever. Slovenia should be proud today. So the rise in porn parody is not a surprise. Take this picture, one of our favorites. The original picture is of porn legend Lisa Ann. Someone superimposed the first lady’s face on it, to great effect. Yeah, we see a lot more coming.
Donald Trump, Inauguration, Melania Trump, Porn, President
By now you’ve probably heard a few things about the president-elect Donald Trump and Russia. The current administration believes that Russia interfered in the election on Donald’s behalf, though won’t go so far as saying that Russia gave Donald the election. Donald and Russian president Vladimir Putin have a cozy relationship that makes most people uncomfortable. And, as of late, that Donald likes prostitutes to pee on his bed, a golden shower fetish. It is not clear if that last one is true or not, so far we have not seen the alleged sex tape that a former British intelligence official claimed exists. Vladimir confirmed the second thing, coming to the defense of Donald about Urination-Gate. “People who order fakes of the type now circulating against the U.S. president-elect, who concoct them and use them in a political battle, are worse than prostitutes because they don’t have any moral boundaries at all. … It highlights a significant degree of degradation of political elites in the West, including in the United States,” Vladimir said, according to Bloomberg. And then we went on to say, after dismissing the allegations against Donald (that he hired Russian prostitutes to pee on a bed while he was in Moscow), “they are of course also the best in the world. But I doubt Trump took that bait.” Wait, how does Vladimir know? Sounds like he’s taken the bait, and sampled Russian prostitutes himself, cause they are “the best in the world” is a pretty strong endorsement. We can’t say about the Russian prostitutes, we aren’t as experienced as Vladimir, but the nude models are pretty hot.
Allegations, Donald Trump, Golden Showers, Pee, President, President Elect, Prostitutes, Russian, Sex Tape, Urination, Vladimir Putin
WHAT PORN STARS WOULD DO IF THEY WERE PRESIDENT, AND WE MAY NOT BE FAR FROM ELECTING A PORN STAR, SO LISTEN UP
We elected a reality television star president of the United States. He is supposedly a successful businessman too, but since we haven’t seen his taxes or any real financial disclosure, who the fuck knows? All we know from the taxes that came out during the election, is that president-elect Donald Trump lost almost $1 billion. We have previously elected a Hollywood actor (Rondal Reagan). So we probably aren’t too far from electing a porn star. WoodRockect.com asked porn stars Leya Falcon, Cassandra Cain, Mocha Menage, Aubrey Sinclair, Riley Reyes, Rizzo Ford, Bella Doll, Bobbi Dylan, Alison Rey, Georgia Jones, and Harmony Cage, “If you were president, what would you do?” You may want to listen up.
Alison Rey, Aubrey Sinclair, Bella Doll, Bobbi Dylan, Cassandra Cain, Donald Trump, Georgia Jones, Harmony Cage, Leya Falcon, Mocha Menage, President, Riley Reyes, Rizzo Ford, Video
WILL PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA BE THE NEXT AMBASSADOR TO SAUDI ARABIA? NOT A CHANCE IN HELL, BUT THERE’S A CHANGE.ORG PETITION TRYIN’ TO MAKE IT HAPPEN
Former porn star Mia Khalifa (who is Lebanese) will never be appointed nor confirmed as United States Ambassador to Saudi Arabia. Never. Ever. Donald Trump may be unconventional, he may be crazy as fuck, but Mia is nowhere close to even appearing on the intern’s first draft list of potential nominees, not even by accident or as a joke. But Dalcolm Rodriguez-Goldstein feels she would make a great ambassador, and he’s even made a Change.org petition extolling her virtues for the position. “Mia Khalifa has a proven track record of bringing people together regardless of cultural background for the betterment of our country and international community. She will be a great leader representing us in the middle east as well as a symbol of the melting pot that is America.” So far, 3,810 people have signed on to the petition. You can join by adding your name to Mia’s supporters on Dalcolm’s petition here.
Ambassador, Change.org, Dalcolm Rodriguez-Goldstein, Donald Trump, Mia Khalifa, Petition, Porn Star, Saudi Arabi
PORN STARS ANGELINA CASTRO AND MAGGIE GREEN NOW OFFERING CONSOLATION BLOWJOBS TO EASE THE PAIN OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION RESULTS
Porn stars Angelina Castro and Maggie Green promised to give all their Twitter followers blowjobs if Hillary Clinton won the election. Hillary failed. So sadly no mass blowjobs (affectionately known as a “blowbang”) are going out from #TeamBJ this year. But the porn stars would not be denied their opportunity to blow some random fans. Now as a consolation, they are offering blowjobs, but only two, one to a Trump voter and one to an anyone-but-Trump voter (meaning you could have thrown away your vote on Gary Johnson or Jill Stein, or some other nobody candidate or write-in and still get a blowjob). To qualify, fans must follow both Angelina Castro and Maggie Green on Twitter, must have voted and must tweet the girls telling why they should be selected for a blowjob. The girls will reveal the lucky blowjobees on TeamBJ.com.
Reacting to the election, Angelina said, “I was really shocked when Trump won the election. Maggie and I absolutely planned on giving all our followers BJs if he lost. The country is completely divided. What better way to bring everyone together than with a BJ to both sides. I think we can bring even the most ardent Trump and Clinton supporters together with a BJ. I guarantee they won’t leave angry.” She added, however, “I am a citizen but Trump still might deport me when he gets in office for being too Cuban…. Hopefully he doesn’t revoke my papers by executive order!” Maggie said, “I was on the edge of my seat election night and was super bummed when Trump won. Our followers were incredibly disappointed. We still want to put a smile on the voters’ faces. There’s so much division in the country it would be nice to see people who don’t see eye to eye… get off together.” Angelina and Maggie explained further in this video:
Angelina Castro, Blowjob, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Maggie Green, Oral sex, Porn Stars, Presidential Election, Videos
The day after the election, the world got thirsty for Trump family porn, with Tiffany Trump dramatically leading the pack in terms of search increases. According to Pornhub, “As the day progressed, searches for ‘Donald Trump’ increased +874% on Pornhub. Searches for other members of the soon-to-be “first family” skyrocketed as well. Current wife “Melania Trump” was searched +1538% more, daughters ‘Ivanka Trump’ +1169% and ‘Tiffany Trump’ +2548% more than their average levels. Together, they accounted for nearly 250,000 Pornhub searches on November 9th, and have remained higher than normal in the days that have followed.” While things returned to normal for other members of the Trump family in terms of porn searches, as of November 15, searches for Tiffany remain strong. “Tiffany is now a trending search on Pornhub, up +9128% based on her previous averages,” Pornhub said as of November 15, 2016. Donald is still the porn patriarch of his family, as his porn searches remain much higher than Tiffany, based on “raw search volume, mostly due to the large number of porn parodies produced in his honor.” This is the bold new, great American Trump has ushered in.
Donald Trump, First Family, Ivana, Melania, Porn, Porn Searches, PornHub, President Elect, Tiffany Trump
#TEAMBJ IS BACK, PORN STARS ANGELINA CASTRO AND MAGGIE GREEN PROMISING BLOWJOBS TO VOTE AGAINST TRUMP
With the presidential election polls tightening, two porn stars are putting their blowjob skills behind Hillary Clinton. Angelina Castro and Maggie Green promised to give blowjobs to any of their Twitter followers who vote against Donald Trump, if Hillary Clinton wins. Angelina currently has 209,000 followers and Maggie Green has 78,000 followers. So that’s a lot of blowjobs coming, if Hillary wins. The #TeamBJ hashtag and porn star blowjob offer isn’t new, and Angelina has done it before with Sara Jay for the Miami Heat in the NBA finals, among other porn stars. But before, the blowjobs were pegged to sports teams winning championships. This is the first blowjob offer to buy votes for a presidential election (which is a bit questionable, we think, under election laws).
About this new #TeamBJ offer, Angelina said, “#TeamBJ is one of the highlights of my career. It was a thrill to see all my followers go literally nuts. Anyone who follows my social media knows I am not a big fan of Trump. He’s against us ‘nasty women’ and isn’t exactly friendly to the Spanish community. I thought it would be fun to take what has been a divisive election and put smiles on people’s faces. The elections suck. What better way to bring the country back together than BJs?! As Trump would say, ‘Believe me … this will be huuuuuge.'” Maggie Green added, “This is my first-ever #TeamBJ so I have no idea what to expect. I am nervous and excited at the same time. I can’t believe Trump will win the election so follow me on Twitter… it will give you something else to think about when you are casting your ballot for president this year!” Angelina joked, ”A vote against Trump is a vote for BJs. It’s a win-win and might help stimulate the economy.”
Details on how to cash in after voting (and Hillary winning) are expected to be posted on www.TeamBJ.com three days after Election Day (November 8). The blowjob duo said they are tentatively planning to deliver all those blowjobs on Inauguration Day.
#TeamBJ, Angelina Castro, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Maggie Green, Presidential Election
Russian band Pussy Riot released a video called “Make America Great Again,” a view of what America would look like if Donald Trump wins the presidential election. We don’t really know how the world will change under Donald Trump, but Pussy Riot seems to think it is a world with no fat piggy women, where women have big tits and asses like Kim Kardashian. We don’t exactly see the harm there, but Nadezhda Tolokonnikova of Pussy Riot said to TIME, “The point was to show that Trump’s words are not just words. Those words lead to violence, which is why they were burned into my body.” It’s catchy, it’s NSFW, so we’re good with it either way.
Donald Trump, Presidential Election, Pussy Riot, Video
REMINDING MILLENNIALS THAT BILL CLINTON WAS A HORN DOG BACK IN THE DAY (THAT’S WHAT THEY CALLED SEXUAL PREDATORS IN THE SOUTH)
Millennials probably don’t remember the impeachment trial of William Jefferson Clinton way back before the turn of the millennium. But there was a time when the governor of Arkansas, who later became the president of the United States, fucked everything that moved. He fucked everybody. EV-E-RY-BODY. And since this presidential cycle is all about who supports women, and who has sexually assaulted more women, it is a mad race between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton. There have only been two presidents impeached (Hillary will likely make three soon). And the whole impeachment of Bill was because of two women, one whom Bill allegedly sexually assaulted, who later sued him, Paula Jones. And one who Billy let suck his dong, and then lied about during his deposition in the Paula Jones lawsuit, one Monica Lewinsky. Monica is staying quiet this election cycle. But it seems somebody went to Arkansas and pulled Paula Jones from some Pick-n-Save to talk about the whole sordid affair again. While you may quickly dismiss Paula’s claims as unbelievable based on her looks, like Donald Trump, keep in mind, she probably looked better some 40 years ago when this alleged assault happened, and remember, this was Arkansas, there weren’t a lot of options back then. We don’t see how this will help you decide who to vote for in the upcoming election, but we don’t see how the debates did that either.
Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Election, Hillary Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Paula Jones, President, Sexual Assault
Porn star Jessica Drake held a press conference on Saturday to come forward as the 11th woman to accuse presidential candidate Donald Trump of sexual assault, of sorts. Apparently, “sexual assault” is kissing someone on the cheek without express permission. We expect the French State Department to issue a warning to all citizens traveling to the United States that they may be subject to prosecution for sexual assault. Jessica introduced herself as a feminist, contracted adult performer and sex educator, and she was accompanied by none other than attorney Gloria Allred. Jessica said she met the Donald 10 years ago while working a booth for Wicked Pictures at a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe, Nevada. She said was invited to walk along the golf course with Donald, and she gave him her phone number and later went to his “penthouse suite” with two other women. And then the big “sexual assault,” he hugged and kissed each of them (grandmothers around the world beware you are sexually assaulting your grandchildren).
Jessica said: “He grabbed each of us tightly in a hug and kissed each one of us without asking permission. He was wearing pajamas. A bodyguard was also present. He asked me about my job as an adult film star, about details on shooting porn, and he also asked us about our personal relationships and whether we were married or single. We answered his questions, it felt like an interview. About 30 or 45 minutes later we left his room.” So this claim didn’t sound absolutely foolish, Jessica added, that she later declined an invitation from a Trump lackey to come back to his room, but was then called by Donald himself. “Donald then asked me ‘what do you want? How much?’ I told him I couldn’t because I had to go back to LA for work, I said that as an excuse because I didn’t want him to continue asking me, and I didn’t want to be with him,” said Jessica. “After that, I received another call from either Donald or a male calling on his behalf offering me $10,000,” she said. “I declined again … I was then told Mr. Trump would allow me the use of his private jet if only I accepted his invitation.” Jessica also produced a random picture of her and Donald together.
The Trump campaign was quick to respond. “This story is totally false and ridiculous. The picture is one of thousands taken out of respect for people asking to have their picture taken with Mr. Trump. Mr. Trump does not know this person, does not remember this person and would have no interest in ever knowing her. This is just another attempt by the Clinton campaign to defame a candidate who just today is number one in three different polls. Anyone who would pay thugs to incite violence at a rally against American citizens, as was released on video, will stop at nothing. Just another example of the Clinton campaign trying to rig the election,” the statement said.
Donald Trump, Gloria Allred, Jessica Drake, Los Angeles, Porn Star, Press Conference, Sexual Assault