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AFTER DESTROYING HILLARY CLINTON’S SHOT TO BE PRESIDENT, HUMA ABEDIN STILL GIVE DICK PIC FLASHER ANTHONY WEINER A FIFTEENTH CHANCE NOT TO BE A PERVERT

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Huma Abedin is truly the Woman of the Century. She is the epitome of standing by your man. After Anthony Weiner fucked the former Washington power couple, over and over and over again, by getting caught repeatedly exposing himself to women online, and after his dick pic scandal cost Hillary Clinton the White House (remember, the FBI had to announce a second investigation after it discovered more information on Anthony Weiner’s computer, since Huma was Hillary’s right hand woman), after all of that, Huma is still giving Anthony an opportunity to change his online public pervert ways. They split back in August, one day after reports that Anthony sent another explicit pic of himself to a woman, this time showing his toddler son asleep beside him. But it seems now all is forgiven. “Huma has been working hard on her relationship with Anthony,” said a source close to the family. “He has been spending 80 to 90 percent of his time at the [Irving Place apartment] they share … If there is a disagreement, he goes to his mother’s apartment in Brooklyn.” The source added, “Both [his and her] families are hoping they will reconcile.” Anthony completed outpatient therapy for sex addiction last year, and is continuing treatment in New York City. “A lot of [their] friends believe this is an illness, that he is sick,” said the friend. But “Huma takes it into consideration that there’s been no affair, or physical contact that anybody is aware of. He never met [the women].” Another source, who worked closely with the Clintons, corroborates Huma’s desire to reconcile, saying the breakup was “more for optics for the campaign and [under] pressure from Hillary’s camp.” What the fuck?

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DID BILL CLINTON GET CAUGHT EYE FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF IVANKA TRUMP? SURE LOOKS LIKE IT

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Being Hillary Clinton is not easy. She suffered through national embarrassment, first with the allegations that Bill cheated with Jennifer Flowers when he first ran for president, then the national scandal that proved he cheated with Monica Lewinsky at the end of his presidency. But Hillary stood by her man. And in doing so, she became the darling of the Democratic party. Her loyalty paid off. But right when she thought she had the presidency for herself, out of nowhere came some guy named Barrack Obama, who grabbed it for himself. And then she stood by Barrack. And for her loyalty, she again became the darling of the Democratic party. And then again when she tried to become president, it looked like another nobody was going to steal her lunch, Bernie Sanders. But with the help of her Democratic party stooges, she stole the nomination and all seemed right. But that was only to get fucked again by Donald Trump of all people. Today, she had to see him inaugurated, and Bill was again on the prowl. Clips of Bill eye fucking the shit out of somebody having been circulating, with the speculation that he was looking in Ivanka Trump’s direction. Bill, you horny devil. Being Hillary Clinton just ain’t easy.

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PORN STARS ANGELINA CASTRO AND MAGGIE GREEN NOW OFFERING CONSOLATION BLOWJOBS TO EASE THE PAIN OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION RESULTS

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Porn stars Angelina Castro and Maggie Green promised to give all their Twitter followers blowjobs if Hillary Clinton won the election. Hillary failed. So sadly no mass blowjobs (affectionately known as a “blowbang”) are going out from #TeamBJ this year. But the porn stars would not be denied their opportunity to blow some random fans. Now as a consolation, they are offering blowjobs, but only two, one to a Trump voter and one to an anyone-but-Trump voter (meaning you could have thrown away your vote on Gary Johnson or Jill Stein, or some other nobody candidate or write-in and still get a blowjob). To qualify, fans must follow both Angelina Castro and Maggie Green on Twitter, must have voted and must tweet the girls telling why they should be selected for a blowjob. The girls will reveal the lucky blowjobees on TeamBJ.com.

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Reacting to the election, Angelina said, “I was really shocked when Trump won the election. Maggie and I absolutely planned on giving all our followers BJs if he lost. The country is completely divided. What better way to bring everyone together than with a BJ to both sides. I think we can bring even the most ardent Trump and Clinton supporters together with a BJ. I guarantee they won’t leave angry.” She added, however, “I am a citizen but Trump still might deport me when he gets in office for being too Cuban…. Hopefully he doesn’t revoke my papers by executive order!” Maggie said, “I was on the edge of my seat election night and was super bummed when Trump won. Our followers were incredibly disappointed. We still want to put a smile on the voters’ faces. There’s so much division in the country it would be nice to see people who don’t see eye to eye… get off together.” Angelina and Maggie explained further in this video:



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JENNIFER LOPEZ PUTS HER ASS ON THE LINE FOR HILLARY CLINTON, LITERALLY

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Add Jennifer Lopez to the list of celebrity offering their body for Hillary Clinton. Jennifer was in Miami, Florida on Saturday at a rally to perform and formally endorse Hillary Clinton for president. “Now I’m getting excited,” Jennifer yelled to the crowd. “Because we about to have… our first woman president!” She then performed “Respect” and “Let’s Get Loud,” pushing out and shaking her ass for the presidential candidate. “You know we’re at a crossroads,” she said. “And we have to take the right road to the future. And we have the perfect person to take us there, and it is my honor to introduce you to her tonight.” Jennifer then introduced Clinton as “the next and first female president of the United States.” That is, until the FBI and Department of Justice arrest Hillary and indict her over her email server scandal. It will have been good while it lasted. But it’s not a Clinton presidency if it doesn’t end in impeachment.

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#TEAMBJ IS BACK, PORN STARS ANGELINA CASTRO AND MAGGIE GREEN PROMISING BLOWJOBS TO VOTE AGAINST TRUMP

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With the presidential election polls tightening, two porn stars are putting their blowjob skills behind Hillary Clinton. Angelina Castro and Maggie Green promised to give blowjobs to any of their Twitter followers who vote against Donald Trump, if Hillary Clinton wins. Angelina currently has 209,000 followers and Maggie Green has 78,000 followers. So that’s a lot of blowjobs coming, if Hillary wins. The #TeamBJ hashtag and porn star blowjob offer isn’t new, and Angelina has done it before with Sara Jay for the Miami Heat in the NBA finals, among other porn stars. But before, the blowjobs were pegged to sports teams winning championships. This is the first blowjob offer to buy votes for a presidential election (which is a bit questionable, we think, under election laws).

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About this new #TeamBJ offer, Angelina said, “#TeamBJ is one of the highlights of my career. It was a thrill to see all my followers go literally nuts. Anyone who follows my social media knows I am not a big fan of Trump. He’s against us ‘nasty women’ and isn’t exactly friendly to the Spanish community. I thought it would be fun to take what has been a divisive election and put smiles on people’s faces. The elections suck. What better way to bring the country back together than BJs?! As Trump would say, ‘Believe me … this will be huuuuuge.'” Maggie Green added, “This is my first-ever #TeamBJ so I have no idea what to expect. I am nervous and excited at the same time. I can’t believe Trump will win the election so follow me on Twitter… it will give you something else to think about when you are casting your ballot for president this year!” Angelina joked, ”A vote against Trump is a vote for BJs. It’s a win-win and might help stimulate the economy.”

Details on how to cash in after voting (and Hillary winning) are expected to be posted on www.TeamBJ.com three days after Election Day (November 8). The blowjob duo said they are tentatively planning to deliver all those blowjobs on Inauguration Day.

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REMINDING MILLENNIALS THAT BILL CLINTON WAS A HORN DOG BACK IN THE DAY (THAT’S WHAT THEY CALLED SEXUAL PREDATORS IN THE SOUTH)

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Millennials probably don’t remember the impeachment trial of William Jefferson Clinton way back before the turn of the millennium. But there was a time when the governor of Arkansas, who later became the president of the United States, fucked everything that moved. He fucked everybody. EV-E-RY-BODY. And since this presidential cycle is all about who supports women, and who has sexually assaulted more women, it is a mad race between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton. There have only been two presidents impeached (Hillary will likely make three soon). And the whole impeachment of Bill was because of two women, one whom Bill allegedly sexually assaulted, who later sued him, Paula Jones. And one who Billy let suck his dong, and then lied about during his deposition in the Paula Jones lawsuit, one Monica Lewinsky. Monica is staying quiet this election cycle. But it seems somebody went to Arkansas and pulled Paula Jones from some Pick-n-Save to talk about the whole sordid affair again. While you may quickly dismiss Paula’s claims as unbelievable based on her looks, like Donald Trump, keep in mind, she probably looked better some 40 years ago when this alleged assault happened, and remember, this was Arkansas, there weren’t a lot of options back then. We don’t see how this will help you decide who to vote for in the upcoming election, but we don’t see how the debates did that either.

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PORN LEGEND JENNA JAMESON DEFENDS DONALD TRUMP AS “KIND AND RESPECTFUL”

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While Donald Trump has his detractors, he has his supporters too. Even though his “grab em’ by the pussy” comment over a decade ago has been a rallying cry for Hillary Clinton and her supporters, a number of women have come to Donald Trump’s aid, including porn star Jenna Jameson. Jenna went on a Twitter crusade last night following the debates. In response to a fan who said, “I love you, but I also believe #trump would call you names after you told him no and we’re vocal about it. He’s awful,” Jenna said, “Absolutely untrue. I know Me. Trump, and he’s never been anything but kind and respectful to me.” She added, “I believe the media exploits stories … the presidency needs to be taken out of the hands of the current corruption.” and about the presidential debate said, “Powerful debate… I think it’s sad the media will now fixate on something that has no real bearing on our real issues at hand.” As to Hillary Clinton and her much touted foreign policy experience, Jenna said, “Hillary’s blatant disregard for ethics and her inability to be truthful to the American people scares me when it comes to foreign policy.” Jenna summed it all up by saying, “you’d thing these soft ass lefties would know by now, I’m not to be fucked with.” While Madonna might be giving blowjobs for Hillary, we take Jenna Jameson any day of the week. It’s not even a contest.

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NAKED HILLARY CLINTON STATUE DEBUTS IN NEW YORK, CROWDS DEFACE IT QUICKLY

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We reported on the naked Donald Trump statue a couple months ago. Now there’s a naked Hillary Clinton statue recently erected in New York. Hillary’s statue appeared in lower Manhattan during rush hour yesterday morning, a few steps away from Wall Street’s famous Charging Bull sculpture and the entrance to the Bowling Green subway station. It quickly attracted a crowd. Some wanted pictures, as happened with the naked Donald Trump. But some were outraged. The statute depicted Hillary Clinton naked with hoofed feet. A video from the New York Daily News showed a confrontational crowd three hours after the statue made its appearance and woman angered by the statue toppling it to the ground. The artist, 27-year-old Anthony Scioli, tried to save his work, but the woman sat on the statue to prevent him from erecting it again. The statue was then quickly removed before police arrived at the scene.

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LARRY FLYNT WANTS YOUR EMBARRASSING TRUMP VIDEOS, AND WILL PAY $1 MILLION FOR THEM

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Just when you thought the presidential election couldn’t descend to a new low, it has. Larry Flynt has jumped in. He’s a democrat. And he’s ready to put money down for the tape that puts the final nail in Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. While we are perfectly willing to let Donald self-implode all by himself, a skill for which he has shown exceptional aptitude, Larry’s not taking any changes. He’s offered $1 million to any person who can deliver. He has a website, www.thedonaldtapes.com to field submissions. He is seeking “verifiable video footage or audio recordings for use prior to the November 8 election clearly showing Donald Trump engaging in illegal activity or acting in a sexually demeaning or derogatory manner.” As for his reasons, Larry said, “I have always celebrated women. Women in all shapes and sizes. To treat a woman like Mr. Trump himself has is both disappointing and unbelievable, especially coming from someone who wants to be our President.” The website adds, “Mr. Flynt continues to be appalled by the hypocrisy of our elected officials who dictate how the American people should live their lives behind closed doors while themselves engaging in the variety of activities they publicly condemn. Mr. Trump claims that ‘nobody has more respect for women than me’ despite tremendous amounts of evidence to the contrary. Mr. Flynt has made it his mission to call these hypocrites out and provide the public with as much information about their indiscretions as possible.” We’re all for hypocrite shaming, so if you have a Trump tape and you want to make $1 million (though we think Donald Trump might pay you more for it), you may want to take Larry up on his offer.

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HILLARY AND BILL CLINTON’S WIKIPEDIA PAGES HACKED

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Hillary and Bill Clinton’s Wikipedia pages were hacked by apparent Trump supporters today, who posted a message with a yellow backdrop and red text, with pictures of women’s asses, that followed as users scrolled down the page. The message read: “Reminder that voting for Hillary Clinton this Novmeber [sic] means proving how much of a spineless, boring cuck you are. Nuclear war will be inevitable, as will be Bill Clinton raping more women and children. Save the America you know and love by voting for Donald Trump. Also girls send as pics to @Meepysheepy. This message has been brought to you by Meepsheep and the Gay Nigger Association of America. Thank you for your time.” While the pages were quickly restored, one of the hackers wrote to Jezebel to explain his or her actions, saying, “I know a lot of people who really blindly support the Clinton campaign for what I interpret as very trivial (and more or less retarded) reasons. I have a hard time understanding why someone concerned with issues such as women’s rights would support the same woman whose husband’s legacy included sexually harassing nearly every women he came in contact with. At the same time I view Trump as being the objectively better candidate.” When asked about the proper gender pronoun to use, Meepysheepy, responded, “I only identify by the pronouns All/ahu/akbar.” Somewhere Donald Trump is happy (and sexually assaulting some poor innocent woman). The choice is clear, people:

KANYE WEST FOR PRESIDENT

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LENA DUNHAM, HILLARY CLINTON HATES YOU TOO. THANKS WIKILEAKS

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Now it is clear that everyone hates Lena Dunham. Thanks to WikiLeaks (which has been weaponized by Russia, according to Democrats), we now know that while Lena Dunham is a staunch Hillary Clinton supporter, the Clinton campaign wants nothing to do with her. According to a leaked Clinton staffer email, “Lena Dunham and Gloria Steinem are nails on a chalkboard to the average American woman”. Damn, burn.

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IF IT WERE 1916, TRUMP WOULD BE KILLING CLINTON (CAUSE WOMEN COULDN’T VOTE BACK WHEN AMERICA WAS GREAT)

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Now we know why Donald Trump wants to “Make America Great Again.” He doesn’t want women to vote. Women got the right to vote in 1920. It changed elections forever after. It is probably the deciding factor in this election. If women were not allowed to vote, FiveThirtyEight.com showed that Trump would be winning by a landslide of 350 electoral votes to only 188 for Clinton (you only need 270 to win). Mitt Romney would have beaten Obama for re-election back in 2012 too. But if only women voted, Hillary Clinton would have this election in the bag, if she doesn’t already. The infographics by FiveThirtyEight show that, again, men and women think differently, and dramatically differently about the upcoming election. Regardless if you’re a man or a woman, vote November 8, 2016.

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PICS FROM PORNLAND: HILLARY CLINTON BLOWJOB

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Somebody put a lot of thought into how to make a Hillary Clinton blowjob picture that wasn’t just a graphic Photoshop job. We have to give credit to this guy who came up with the best celebrity, in this case Hillary Clinton, blowjob picture we’ve seen.

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MEET ALICIA MACHADO WHO DONALD TRUMP ALLEGEDLY CALLED “MISS PIGGY”

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After Hillary Clinton named dropped Venezuelan nude model and former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, Alicia has been at the epicenter of a social and news media storm. In the presidential debate, Hillary accused Donald Trump of calling Alicia “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeping,” saying, “And one of the worst things he said was about a woman in a beauty contest — he loves beauty contests, supporting them and hanging around them — and he called this woman ‘Miss Piggy,’ then he called her ‘Miss Housekeeping’ because she was Latina. Donald, she has a name. Her name is Alicia Machado. And she has become a US citizen and you can bet she is going to vote this November.” Donald seemed to be caught off guard at the debate, saying repeatedly, “Where did you find this?” Since the debate, Donald has gone on the offensive and said on “Fox and Friends” that, while denying Hillary’s allegations, Alicia had “gained a massive amount of weight, and it was a real problem.” Back in 1996, Donald told reporters, “She weighed 118 pounds or 117 pounds and she went up to 160 or 170. So this is somebody who likes to eat.” On a recent media call, Alicia said, “For me, this election has been like a bad dream, watching this guy again do the stupid things and stupid comments so misogynous and so machista.”

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But as the media looks into Alicia more, she hasn’t exactly been a model citizen or example for Hillary Clinton. According to reports, in the late 1990s, after her reign as Miss Universe, Alicia was accused of abetting an attempted murder committed by her then-boyfriend, by reportedly driving the getaway car. She didn’t face charges, but the judge in the case said that Alicia had threatened to kill him, which she denied. Asked about her role in the attempted murder, Alicia told Anderson Cooper: “I have my past. Of course, everybody has a past. And I’m not a saint girl. But that is not the point now.” And for her part, Alicia also had choice words for Donald’s wife, that were less than feminist. Alicia said,“I don’t see anything about this girl. She’s a doll. She’s a decoration.” News outlets also were quick to dredge up Alicia’s reality show past, where she had sex in front of the cameras with Spanish TV host Fernando Acaso while engaged to Philadelphia Phillies baseball star Bobby Abreu (he quickly called off the wedding afterward). The reality show aired Fernando on top of Alicia, with her whispering in Spanish, “Oh your dick, my love, what a tasty dick! Your dick is divine,” moaning as they had sex.

People keep digging now that Alicia is a household name. We stopped at her nude pictures for Playboy. We kinda doubt Hillary will continue to use Alicia, but we doubt that will stop Alicia from continuing to capitalize on her newfound media attention. We’re tempted to accuse Alicia of fame whoring, but we don’t need Hillary Clinton dropping our name in the next debate.

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MADONNA SHOWS NOTHING IN HER NUDE VOTING POST BUT THE INTERNET REWARDS HER ANYWAY

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Madonna recently posted a naked-ish picture on her Instagram page, which really wasn’t naked at all. Madonna was technically naked, but the picture was cropped to the point of being pointless. It was part of her endorsement of Hillary Clinton, saying “Im voting naked with Katy Perry!! Vote for Hillary. She’s the Best we got! Nude Voting series # 1” We’re hoping that the “series # 1” implies that there is more to come, but our hopes aren’t all that high today.

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COLIN POWELL SAYS BILL CLINTON STILL DICKING BIMBOS AND HE’S PROBABLY RIGHT

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Retired general and former Secretary of State Colin Powell’s emails got hacked. And we are now seeing the fruits of Russian spies intervening into American politics, cause Colin had some great things to say about everybody. Everybody. He called Donald Trump a “national disgrace.” But that doesn’t mean he’s voting for Hillary. In a hacked email that has been verified as authentic by the Powell camp, Colin said, “I would rather not have to vote for her, although she is a friend I respect. A 70-year person with a long track record, unbridled ambition, greedy, not transformational, with a husband still dicking bimbos at home (according to the NYP).” It could have only been better if he said, “fucking skank bitches.” Colin Powell everybody (mic drops…..silence).

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