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TEXAS OFFICER MICHALE COPPOCK SUCH A COP-COCK, ASKS TEEN FOR NUDE PICTURES TO GET RID OF TICKETS

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Officer Michael Coppock, 33, has a name so perfectly fitting to his story that we thought it was fake news. But we have now seen this story on a few news outlets, including CBS News, so we are good to go. Cop-cock (we told you it was so perfect and ripe for a parody nickname) got busted coercing a teen into sending him nude pictures to change her speeding tickets into warnings. Cop-cock is a nine-year veteran of the Baytown Police Department, but is now under an internal investigation and criminal probe. Reports are that he pulled over an 18-year-old woman, and ticketed her for speeding and having an expired registration. All good so far. 18-year veteran on his shit. Then, Cop-cock decided, only one hour after the traffic stop, that it was a good idea to contact the teen through social media and text messages and offer to change the tickets to warnings. In exchange, the officer asked the teen to “send him nude photographs of herself,” according to court documents. Bad idea. The teen sent photos, but then snitched. Reportedly, police have said they viewed screenshots of the conversations and characterized the messages as “clearly coercive in nature,” and “putting pressure” on the teen. Cop-cock.

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MICHIGAN COPS ABOUT TO LOSE IMMUNITY FOR FUCKING PROSTITUTES THEY’RE INVESTIGATING, BUT ANYTHING GOES OFF DUTY

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Michigan is the last state that still provides immunity to police officers for soliciting prostitutes and engaging in a little sexual intercourse while cracking down on the world’s oldest profession. You gotta collect the evidence, you know. But undercover cops won’t be getting any free games of hide of the salami soon anymore. They will no longer be allowed to have sex with the prostitutes they investigate, under a bill that unanimously passed a Michigan Senate committee Tuesday. “This is as succinctly written as anyone could make it. It eliminates the opportunity for those in undercover law enforcement to engage in sexual intercourse with someone they’re investigating,” said Sen. Judy Emmons, R-Sheridan, who sponsored the bill. “We have the dubious distinction of being the last state in the nation to have this law in our books.” The Senate Judiciary Committee agreed with Chairman Sen. Rick Jones, R-Grand Ledge, who said, “As a former sheriff, no modern-day police department would ever allow this. This makes so much sense.” University of Michigan law professor Bridgette Carr has tried for several years to get the exemption removed, but wasn’t successful until this year when Rep. Gary Glenn, R-Midland, offered to help, introducing a similar bill in the House of Representatives. So far, the House has not voted. So Michigan cops are still immune from prosecution for fucking prostitutes during an investigation, if they wish. But that trick is almost done.

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sPOL1

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PORN STAR JEWELS JADE’S HUSBAND MOONLIGHTED AS A PORN STAR WHILE A NAVY SEAL, NOW HE’S UNDER INVESTIGATION

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The Navy is investigating porn legend Jewels Jade’s husband, Navy Chief Special Warfare Officer Joseph John Schmidt III, 42, a 23-year veteran, because unbeknownst to the Navy, he also appeared in at least 29 porn films, mostly with his wife, Jewels, under the name “Jay Voom” (pictured top below with porn star Mena Li). The Navy tends to frown on being a porn star. But what is the focus of the investigation is that Joseph didn’t fill out the required paperwork for Naval officers when doing additional side work. Joseph did fill out the required forms to sell herbal supplements, but not for his porn work (which, the Navy wouldn’t have approved anyway). But Jewels is speaking out about the investigation, calling it unfair, cause she says, the Navy knew all about it. “They knew about it at work,” Jewels said. “He got called in and they said, ‘Look, keep it on the low, don’t mention the SEAL name and blah, blah, blah.’ He was always pretty open about it with the command. I mean, honestly, all of his buddies knew about it. Everybody knew about it,” she said. But that may not matter. Forms are forms. And any potential Naval sanction could put at risk Joseph’s pension, and he’s only eight months away from retirement.

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Jewels isn’t taking this lying down (she’s pictures bottom below). She has been talking about the circumstances that led to her husband shooting porn with her and how it was to help their family. Jewels said she started in porn in 2001, but stopped two years later to focus on being a wife and a mother. In 2005, she and her husband tried their hand at real estate, but failed. And after two years of losses the family went into debt and filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. They had $1.8 million in personal debt, according to Jewels, and Joseph’s $60,000 military salary wasn’t going to even make a dent. So Jewels went back to stripping and eventually porn again. While Jewels is a big name porn star, she said, starring in porn isn’t as profitable as you might think. “It’s helped our family. It got us out of a lot of financial issues we were going through,’ Jewels said. “I could take care of the child. I could try to get us out of financial debt.” But being a success in porn limited other jobs. And as porn became less and less profitable, Jewels said the films she produced rarely made money, and in order to cut costs, she cast her husband to work as an actor. And that is where the Navy comes back in. Because servicemen are barred from work that risks “press or public relations coverage” or could “create an improper appearance.” And porn has that in spades.

sJAY1

sJAY2

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SECRET SERVICE AGENT ON VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE DETAIL BUSTED FOR VISITING PROSTITUTE

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Guarding the Vice President of the United States (that is Mike Pence, by the way), is, we suspect, a tough job. It requires sharpness, poise, concentration and focus. Those are of course all basically saying the same thing, but the point is it is fucking difficult. So we will not judge a single (or even married) Secret Service officer tapping a little ass on his days off. Helps keep the mind sharp. But for some reason, national news was that a Secret Service agent on Vice President Pence’s detail was caught walking out of a Maryland hotel, after busting a nut inside a prostitute. Now, this says more to us about the state of pay for the Secret Service than the character of the agent, that he had to meet a hooker at a seedy hotel rather than being in a position to pay a high-end escort to service him at his home (but since Backpage isn’t trading in flesh anymore, that has become more difficult). Anyway, the agent has been suspended. According to reports, the police responded to a call from the hotel manager who became suspicious of activity in one of the rooms. This was supposedly not a Democratic setup or a sting operation, just two people looking seedy as fuck and probably banging a bit too loud. The agent was arrested and was charged with solicitation. He self-reported his arrest to the Secret Service, and they are now trying to decide how to punish the agent. The agent was off-duty and did not present himself in his official capacity, according to law enforcement sources. But during his investigation, the agent was required to surrender his weapon and official gear and was placed on administrative leave. His security clearance and access to all Secret Service facilities has also been suspended. “We are exploring the full range of disciplinary actions,” a Secret Service spokesperson said. We doubt Washington, D.C. is the place to be dolling out moral punishments for lascivious behavior, but you gotta appease the base.

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REAL HOUSEWIVES STAR VICKI GUNVALSON’S TITS TRIGGER FBI INVESTIGATION

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While shooting the Real Housewives of Orange County, star Vicki Gunvalson flashed her tits, because Heather Dubrow was FaceTiming her husband, “Botched” plastic surgeon Terry Dubrow, and Vicki wanted him to examine her nipples, which she felt were uneven. And according to sources, Tamra Judge took a picture of Vicki’s tits (censored below, but we’ll hopefully soon have the uncensored). Tamra then is said to have sent the topless picture to other cast members and producers. And somehow it ended up on the social media account of a 15-year-old girl, who tweeted it. Rosalie Coleman saw the photo and filed a complaint with the FBI. This is a testament of course to how fast tits circulate in the modern age of smartphones and Twitter. Offended, this Rosalie, whoever she is, claimed “Tamara Judge … sent a nude photograph of an acquaintance of hers (taken at a small gathering) to a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD girl & asked her to distribute it online in an effort to humiliate & harass one Vicki Gunvalson.” Tamra’s camp is denying she leaked the picture or gave it to a minor. The FBI has not yet opened a formal investigation. They are likely too busy going through Hillary Clinton’s emails on pervert Anthony Weiner’s computer to try to issue a damning report before Election Day, next Tuesday.

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FORMER PORN STAR CHLOE MAFIA INVITED TO COCKPIT BY PILOT, NOW HE’S FUCKED

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Being a pilot has its privileges. You can fuck hot stewardesses. Steal alcohol from the beverage cart. And damn if it ain’t cool to call a porn star on your flight up to the cockpit to have her sit on your lap, drink and smoke during the flight. That is, all until your government finds out and you find your ass neck deep in a shit storm. But for former porn star Chloe Mafia, maybe it’s all worth it. Here’s what happened on the Kuwait Airlines flight from London Heathrow to JFK, according to Chloe, as reported by the Daily Star: “We were sitting in business class about 30 minutes after take-off,” Chloe said, quoted by the daily. “The seatbelt signs had just gone off and a stewardess came and said the pilot wanted us to go to the cockpit. They locked the door and the captain introduced himself and said ‘Hi, I’m the naughty pilot’. He said he lets sexy girls in the cockpit, even though he is not supposed to, because he ‘made the rules’. The pilot told the stewardess to get us a bottle of champagne, which me and my friend drank. He started smoking, which I thought was odd, but he said he was the pilot and could do what he wanted. I asked if it was safe as I was worried and he just said people were ‘too fussy’ about safety. I was stunned,” she said.

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“He was showing us what each of the buttons did and said we could sit on his knee and wear his pilot’s cap and fly the plane. I pushed something. I don’t know what it did but he said it was fine as the plane flew itself,” Chloe was quoted as saying. “He was boasting he’d slept with half the stewardesses, which we thought was funny as he wasn’t attractive. I wasn’t drinking much and when he asked why, I said I was recovering from a boob job. He asked if he could see them but they were bandaged up so I said no. He was a total sleaze. He was calling us sexy and asked us to call him naughty. You could tell he was getting off on it. The co-pilot didn’t smoke or really say that much – he made a couple of jokes but thankfully he seemed more concerned with flying the plane.”

The Kuwait Airlines pilot was recalled from Bangkok, where he was no doubt fucking hookers and tranny strippers, two at a time. He is currently under investigation.

sCHL2

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