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PORN STARS NOT SO POLITELY ASK TED CRUZ TO STOP WATCHING PORN

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Porn Stars Joanna Angel, Mercedes Carrera, Dana DeArmond, Mandy Muse, and Jaclyn Taylor have a message for Texas Senator Ted Cruz: Stop watching porn. This new Funny or Die video comes just days after Lying Ted got caught liking Cory Chase porn on Twitter. And we have to say, this video was actually funny. “Bottom line is we don’t want our films anywhere near Ted Cruz, because he’s too gross,” said Mercedes Carrera. She added, “I have seen things you can’t imagine coming out of the anuses of some of my co-workers.” Dana DeArmond said, “I’ve snorted cum.” And Joanna Angel finished saying, “And Ted Cruz is grosser than all of that combined. It’s like not even close.” “How am I supposed to explain to my family that Ted Cruz might watch my videos?” said Mercedes in closing. It was funny.

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JOANNA ANGEL DOES “THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE XXXMAS”

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Parodies are standard porn fare these days. In front of the major release of any blockbuster film, there is likely a porn parody with a series of X-rated releases (that was a porn pun if you didn’t catch it). Joanna Angel recently did a porn parody of Tim Burton’s classic The Nightmare Before Christmas, called The Nightmare before XXXmas. We’re not normally ones to plug a porn release, but Joanna actually brought the animated classic to life in a weirdly kinky, but you have to watch it sort of way, with some rather exceptional porn production. “This has the be the most adorable and romantic porno we have ever made,” said Joanna. “Me and Small Hands truly loved being Jack and Sally.” In talking about the work she put in (aside for the substantial number of fuck scenes), Joanna added, “Every frame of The Nightmare Before XXXmas took several hours to create with original graphics and music throughout its entirety.” And that seems to have paid off, in a pornographic twist on an already twisted Christmas classic. If you haven’t gotten your daily dose of Christmas kink, take the jump on over to this XXX scene of Joanna in full body paint, porn parodied up and fucking. It’s, uhhhhh, different.

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DID JAMES DEEN BITCH SLAP TORI LUX REPEATEDLY AND MAKE HER SNIFF HIS BALLS?

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Let us first say male porn star James Deen is denying some pretty damning allegations, saying on Twitter, “There have been some egregious claims made against me on social media. I want to assure my friends, fans and colleagues that these allegations are both false and defamatory. I respect women and I know and respect limits both professionally and privately.” But some female porn stars are telling a different story. First, just two days ago, former porn star (and ex-girlfriend) Stoya accused James of rape, tweeting, “That thing where you log in to the internet for a second and see people idolizing the guy who raped you as a feminist. That thing sucks. James Deen held me down and fucked me while I said no, stop, used my safeword. I just can’t nod and smile when people bring him up anymore.” Ex-girlfriend and porn star Joanna Angel chimed in in support of Stoya, tweeting, “He’s dead on the inside and dead to me . He’s literally the worst person I’ve ever met . That’s all I’ll say for now #solidaritywithstoya.”

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Second, and if that weren’t bad enough, now porn star Tori Lux has come out with another story about James. She said:

While James wasn’t performing with me that day, he was present on set—and almost immediately after I’d finished my scene he began to antagonize me. I hadn’t even had time to dress myself when he said, with a smirk on his face, “Tori Lux, would you like to sniff my testicles?” “Nope,” I replied in a neutral tone. “I’ll repeat myself: Tori Lux, would you like to sniff my testicles?” he asked, more aggressively this time. I replied with a firm “No,” in order to establish my boundary—which James then disregarded by grabbing me by the throat and shoving me down onto a mattress on the floor.

He proceeded to straddle my chest, pinning down my arms with his knees. Then, he raised his hand high above his head, swinging it down and hitting me in the face and head with an open palm. He did this five or six times—hard—before finally getting off of me.

Disoriented and nursing a sore jaw, I stood up—but before I could collect myself, he grabbed me by my hair and shoved me to my knees, forcing my face into his crotch several times before shoving me to the floor. I was completely stunned, having no idea how to react. I felt pressured to maintain a professional demeanor as this was a major porn set, with other people present and failing to intervene.


We don’t know who to believe, but the stories are mounting up against James.

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PORN STARS REVEAL THEIR DREAM JOBS

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AdultEmpire talked with porn stars about their “dream job,” that is, if they weren’t doing porn. You probably care less about what they had to say, than just getting more viewing time of your favorite porn stars, but a few were interesting. Kendra Lust might have been a pediatric oncologist. Joanna Angel might be serving you food at her own restaurant. Instead of “Man versus Food,” think “Woman versus Food” with Richelle Ryan. Just imagine if Nikki Benz walked into a deposition, as the opposing entertainment attorney in your case. Kayden Kross would have been a writer, we suspect writing cheesy romance novels. But all of those ships have sailed. They are porn stars. Maybe next lifetime. We might have enjoyed sitting down and seeing what Joanna would have prepared. Then, again, maybe not…

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RONDA ROUSEY PORN PARODY COMING SOON, RONDA AROUSE ME

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Porn is set to parody female UFC fighter Ronda Rousey in “Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded.” A favorite inked porn princess of ours, pornstar Kleio Valentien plays Ronda while Sammie Six plays ‘Miesha Taint’, the porn version of Rousey’s rival Miesha Tate. Joanna Angel told TMZ Sports “We changed the armbar to a dickbar. One of the guys in the film he plays Ronda’s trainer, his name is Derek Pierce and he knows a lot about fighting. Derek choreographed a bunch of stuff and fight moves and used a lot of Ronda’s moves and incorporated that into the movie. And all the fight moves led into sex scenes. So she’s fighting ‘Miesha Taint’, I don’t know what words I’m allowed to say. But Miesha Taint had a special right cross cunt punch. We had a lot of fun with it. Kleio Valentine, she looks so beautiful and really does have a lot of similarities as Ronda and she’s a big fan of hers and was really happy to play the role.” Here’s a couple pics of Kleio on set:

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Picture 13 Picture 14

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