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KATE UPTON BACK FOR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, AND THE SPONGEBOB RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY

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Kate Upton’s glorious return to Sports Illustrated isn’t exactly glorious, but it is a return. The problem has never been with Kate’s weight, as most people thought, including us. We jumped on the Kate is fat bandwagon, prematurely. And we aren’t ashamed to admit when we are wrong. Kate is back proving that she’s not fat. She’s thinner than she’s ever been. The problem with Kate Upon is she has a SpongeBob SquarePants body. Fat had nothing to do with it. If you slapped a pair of big tits and a bikini on SpongeBob, we suspect he’d resemble a yellow Kate Upton. Now, if you take offense, or you are Kate Upton, well we don’t care. We love SpongeBob. So in a way it’s a compliment.

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KATE UPTON SPORTS ILLUSTRATED 2017 NEVER SEEN BEFORE

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Sports Illustrated released some “never-before-seen footage from Kate Upton’s epic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2017 shoot.” They shot on location in Fiji by photographer Yu Tsai. If you like Kate Upton, then this is worth while, because it’s short anyway. We just feel like Kate is old news. Stop trying to bring her back, SI. Let it go.

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WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAY? CARL’S JR IS DROPPING THE HALF-NAKED BIKINI ADS

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After launching one of the most iconic American commercial series, featuring half naked-models and celebrities, like Charlotte McKinney, Kate Upton, Paris Hilton, Sara Underwood and Emily Ratajkowski, Carl’s Jr. says it is going back to burgers. With a newly released commercial announcing its new marketing philosphy, the company said, “‘Meet “our founder’, Carl Hardee Sr. After trusting the company to his son for a few years, Carl Sr. is back to focus on what we do best: making damn tasty food. Say goodbye to women in tiny bathing suits; now it’s all about grass-fed beef, hand-breaded chicken tenders, made-from-scratch biscuits and bacon on pretty much everything. We’re Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. See why we’re Pioneers of the Great American Burger.” What the fuck? We felt the need to recap below…

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KATE UPTON IS THE LAST OF THE LOVE ADVENT VIDEO CALENDAR THIS YEAR

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We have been vocal about our disappointment with Love magazine’s advent video calendar this year. So it is fitting that Kate Upton should deliver a less than stellar last video for the series this year. We appreciated the overly gratuitous cleavage shots of Kate’s busty breasts. But it didn’t make up for the lack of entertainment value. We’ll let you judge for yourself.

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MIKO GRIMES DESTROYS KATE UPON ON TWITTER

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Miko Grimes is the outspoken WAG of Miami Dolphins cornerback Brent Grimes. She always has something to say, but usually it is about sports, so we rarely have an opportunity to talk Miko Grimes. But we all know Miko, and love her. Miko recently waded into the Kate Upton Twitter rant, as Kate rambled about how her boyfriend Justin Verlander didn’t win the Cy Young award. Miko didn’t address the rant directly, but somehow found the need to talk about Kate, apparently in response to someone who had the tenacity to compare Miko to Kate. Miko responded like only Miko can, saying “The bitch looks dead w/o makeup and she’s shaped like a Samsung charger!” and “She look like she got a different hip structure than most super models. Like she was born with two seta hips on top of each other.” To make her point, Miko did a side-by-side comparison of Kate Upton and a Samsung charger, and we have to admit…

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MIKO GRIMES HAS PERFECT RESPONSE TO KATE UPTON, “SHUT UP BITCH”

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Miko Grimes is the outspoken wife of Tampa Bay Buccaneers corner Brent Grimes. She has never minced her words. And after model Kate Upton called “unacceptable” four Miami Dolphins players’ protest and support of Colin Kaepernick and his protest against racism and killing of blacks in the United States, Miko responded on Twitter, saying, “Dear: @KateUpton where in the FUCK was ur VOICE when #PhilandoCastile was MURDERED in front of his fiancé & step-daughter?SHUT UP BITCH!” Yeah, Kate, you should really just shut the fuck up now.

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WEEKEND EDITION: KATE UPTON SAYING DUMB THINGS, BECAUSE BEING WHITE AND BLONDE WITH BIG TITS ISN’T ENOUGH

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As you probably have heard already San Francisco 49ers player Colin Kapernick took a stand, or didn’t take a stand actually for the national anthem, and it has caused controversy, because God knows we all have nothing better to worry about than a person exercising their First Amendment rights. Colin explained his reasons for not standing, which were pretty good, saying, “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.” This is exactly what American is all about, whether you agree or not, the right for one person to stand up (or sit down) for what he believes in, and express himself to the world. There is nothing more American than that right. It’s the FIRST Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. Today, four Miami Dolphins players, Arian Foster, Jelani Jenkins, Kenny Stills And Michael Thomas, also expressing their First Amendment rights, kneeled during the national anthem in support of Colin.

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Kate Upton, that scholar on the First Amendment, was disgusted that people in the United States would engage in free speech. Apparently, it wasn’t enough to be white and blonde with big tits, Kate had to prove she was stupid. She posted on Twitter, “This is unacceptable. You should be proud to be an American. Especially on 9/11 when we should support each other” and “Protest&speak ur mind whenever u want but during the 120secs you should support the people who protect our freedom.” She had a much longer diatribe on Instagram, but it was basically the same, in summary, “In my opinion, the national anthem is a symbolic song about our country. It represents honoring the many brave men and women who sacrifice and have sacrificed their lives each and every single day to protect our freedom. Sitting or kneeling down during the national anthem is a disgrace to those people who have served and currently serve our country. Sitting down during the national anthem on September 11th is even more horrific. … Today we are more divided then ever before. I could never imagine multiple people sitting down during the national anthem on the September 11th anniversary. The lessons of 911 should teach us that if we come together, the world can be a better and more peaceful place #neverforget.” We support Kate Upton’s right to be stupid and protest and speak her mind whenever she wants, but hopefully from here on out she decides she’ll stick to bad acting and plus sized model pictures.

The way to truly honor our soldiers is not to stand silently but to stand for the freedoms that they died for.

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WAS JUSTICE SERVED? ANOTHER CELEBRITY NUDE PHOTO HACKER ONLY GOT SIX MONTHS

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Just about every female celebrity hates nude photo hackers like Andrew Helton. He was not the source behind the infamous celebrity cell phone hack that came known as “The Fappening,” according to the federal prosecutors, but he engaged in similar hacking. He and others stole nude pictures of almost every celebrity worth seeing naked, many of whom had never appeared naked on film or in any other forum. They hit big names like Gabrielle Union, Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton and Hope Solo. And all the celebrities vowed revenge, mostly in the form of lawsuits and calls to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. As of last week, revenge was served as Andrew got six months in prison, plus two years of supervised release. The judge described his phishing scam as a “very serious invasions of privacy,” but also said he considers the sentencing “part of a new beginning.” Andrew admitted that he hacked into hundreds of accounts and stole some 161 nude and explicit images from 13 victims. The “victims” were never identified.

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Ryan Collins, a 36-year-old from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, was directly linked to “The Fappening,” and back in March, he agreed to plead guilty to a felony violation of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act arising from illegally accessing a protected computer to obtain information. He used a phishing scheme similar to Andrew’s, to hack about 50 iCloud accounts and 73 Gmail accounts between November 2012 and September 2014, mostly of female celebrities. He negotiated a recommended 18-month prison sentence. Jennifer Lawrence was one of the most outspoken celebrities, who in an interview with Vanity Fair, called the hack a “sex crime.” “It is not a scandal,” she said. “… It is a sexual violation. It’s disgusting.” So we can’t imagine she is happy with the current sentences.

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KAT UPTON STILL WORKING ON HER PROBLEM AREAS

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There isn’t really a nice way to say it. Kate Upton is still dealing with her weight issues, weight issues as a supermodel that is (if she were a girl from around the block, she’d be worth a pizza and Slurpee date). Kate is returning to modeling after she failed at acting. She left modeling amidst a tide of criticism about her weight. When she was 16 the baby fat was cute. Now at 24, she’s pushing it. Kate has lost weight, a lot of weight, no doubt. But when your panties are being swallowed by your labia fat, there are still a few problem areas. Is that hypercritical? Perhaps. But when your body is your business, people tend to notice.

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KATE UPTON RETURNS TO MODELING AFTER FAILING AT ACTING

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Kate Upton dropped IMG Models in 2014, and packed her bags to be a Hollywood actress. She was already famous from modeling, acting paid more money, and Kate had done a couple cameo roles, as well as appeared in a supporting actress role in Nick Cassavetes’ “The Other Woman.” So it wasn’t far fetched for Kate to think she could make something of herself as an actress in Hollywood. But like so many other women who headed West in search of acting fame, Kate had one problem, she’ couldn’t act. So much for that. But Kate is still keeping her agents at WME to manage the toilet swirl that has become her acting career. Though now she’s headed back to what made her a success in the first place, returning to modeling. Good for Kate. You gotta know what you’re good at in this life, and what you’re not. Kate was not a good actress. Kate’s skill lies in not talking. She was really good at it. We wish her all the best and she returns.

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KATE UPTON’S BARE ASS ON INSTAGRAM

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We still have not come around to Kate Upton. She’s lost much of her appeal since Charlotte McKinney came on the scene. Kate is pretty much old news. And we’re still a little raw that her lawyers tried to sue us. But like the good Jesus Christ we are learning to forgive those who trespass against us, so long as they give us a little ass in return, which Kate Upton did recently on Instagram. So we are getting close to all being forgiven, though we still ain’t wholesale converts.

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KATE UPTON’S NUDE BREASTS PULLED FROM THE CLOUDS (iCLOUD, TO BE EXACT) AND LEADKED INTO THE PUBLIC CONVERSATION

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Photoshop artists can put down their styluses. (You can see a compilation of the fake Kate Upon nudes they’ve worked so hard to produce on Sex.com (and the real ones are amassing there too.) Yesterday marked a release we have been waiting for for some time, though we hadn’t anticipated that Kate Upton’s nude breasts would descend down from the heavens, which they did, so to speak. The stunning (unauthorized) release of pictures of Kate Upton’s nude breasts, among a number of self-shot nude images of Kate from her smart phone, were part of a larger leak of hundreds of other intimate, private pictures of celebrities who’s accounts were breached in a massive iCloud storage attack by an alleged single hacker. Actress Jennifer Lawrence was also
sKATT5part of the hack, among 100 other celebrities. You might call it “celebrity revenge porn” on a much larger scale, or merely an invasion of privacy with incrementally larger consequence. But in reality it is the natural (even if perverse) evolution of the public obsession with celebrities, and in particular obsession with Kate Upton….nude. It is a desire enticed and emboldened by Kate Upton herself, and one that, while unlawful in the first instance, is now exposed for public consumption and debate.

    You might ask, why? What public debate? It may not be as politically salient as leaks from Edward Snowden or Julian Assange, but it is the same question, asked in the celebrity sphere: what does the public have a right to see? What is the dividing line between public and private? And will the public embrace this so far unknown hacker or deride him or her as a criminal? We favor the former.

There is nothing private about Kate Upton’s breasts. Kate herself made her breasts a topic of public conversation long before yesterday, and can hardly be surprised that people now want to see them. Kate is a model, to some a supermodel, squarely placing her body as a matter of public conversation. And she has profited immensely from the public interest in her breasts. From Sport’s Illustrated to other sexualized shoots for magazines, commercials, and on YouTube, Kate’s career has flourished in no small measure because of her breasts. And by flourished, we mean flourished. Kate Upton, only 22-years-old, made an estimated $82 million in the last year in combined income, making her the highest paid model in 2014 ($50 million ahead of her closest rival), according to People With Money magazine. She has an estimated net worth of $245 million. Admittedly, some of that is attributable to savvy business investment, but mostly it is a fortune amassed on the appeal and public interest in her body, particularly her breasts.

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And Kate is not shy about talking about her famous breasts. In a recent interview with The Sun, Kate lamented “I wish I had smaller boobs every day of my life” and that “[e]very single day I’m like, ‘Oh man, it would be so much easier’, especially if people didn’t constantly bring them up” (kinda like she just did…..) But in spite of it all, Kate added, “I love my boobs and I’m proud of my size. That’s an important message to young girls – love who you are and be proud of who you are.” And so she should, Kate’s boobs have been the center-piece of her popularity. Her boobs have been the defining characteristic of her roles in both the films The Three Stooges and The Other Woman, as the busty blonde beauty on the screen (she also made a brief appearance in
the same type of role in Tower Heist). Her 20-million-viewer Cat Daddy YouTube Video for Terry Richardson was all about her boobs, as she Cat-Daddied in a bikini, with over-sized flapjack boobs flopping all around (from our perspective, a truly inspired video), as well as in her unforgettable “Teach Me How to Dougie” video at the Los Angeles Clippers game in 2011. Kate Upton’s boobs are almost the only thing anyone talks about.

To her credit, up till now, Kate has kept them hidden. In an interview with Detail.com, Kate explained why she has not allowed herself to be photographed nude, saying, “Your body is art, your body is beautiful, and to be photographed in that way is amazing and it’s received in a very positive way. But with social media and the Internet and not so great blogs and the attention like that, I don’t think that my pictures would be received in the way that I’d want them to be received. That’s why I’ve stayed away from them. … I think social media and the Internet has prevented me from putting myself out there like that.” But that didn’t stop Kate from taking nude pictures of herself, and storing them in a semi-public space…..didn’t she watch the movie Sex Tape?

But who is Kate to decide how the public conversation about her breasts should take shape? You might say, she’s Kate Upton, and they’re her breasts. And we would agree, if Kate remained some relative nobody from Michigan. But she’s Kate Upton. She put her breasts into the public conversation (repeatedly) when profitable to her. She made them a national obsession, above and beyond the national obsession with breasts generally. You may contrast Kate Upton’s reluctance to reveal her breasts against, for example, the Free The Nipple, GoTopless and Femen movements, which all seek to demystify the female breasts as sexual organs and their sexual exploitation, mostly by men, but by women too. And in particular, Kate Upton.

sKAT1    No doubt the real injury to Kate apart from any claim of an invasion of privacy, is the potential loss to her profiting from exposing her breasts herself, in Playboy or some other publication. Actress Keira Knightley recently posed topless for Interview magazine. Her breasts have been a topic of conversation for some time. Kate simply fell victim to a demand that had spiked to a fever pitch, and she lost control of the exploitation that she has for some time favored. What we’re saying in this: In the United States, no one controls free speech. Kate attempted a kind of control that not even Presidents could wield. And like it or not, long before yesterday, Kate Upon’s breasts became matters of a public interest so strong that it was bound to at some point outweigh her privacy, and spill over into a public exposure, as it did yesterday. Inch by inch she was complicit in the erosion of her privacy.

    And now they’re ours – the public’s. Because, in spite of our appeals to morality, this is who we are as a nation. The debate isn’t about Kate, her privacy or her breasts; the debate is about us. We wanted her breasts, and we wanted them so much that were willing to be complicit in the hacking. To cause it to happen. To spread the pictures around the Internet. And to continue to search for them. The debate is what we feel we have a right to see because of who we are as a people. And we felt we had the right to see Kate Upon’s breasts. What does that say about us, that’s the debate.

And Kate, by the way, having now seen them, we love them too.

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THE GREATEST HACK OF THE CENTURY, NUDE PICS OF JENNIFER LAWERENCE, KATE UPTON AND TONS MORE…

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Lawyers are busy this Labor Day weekend, furiously trying to send cease and decist emails and letters to websites across the country for posting nude pictures of a series of celebrities who are part of the greatest hack of the century. Some 100 celebrities were all part of an iCloud hack. Top of the list was Jennifer Lawrence, but also on the list were Kate Upton, Kristen Ritter, Bar Refaeli, Arianna Grande, Victoria Justice, McKayla Maroney, Brie Larson, Lea Michele, Kirsten Dunst, Becca Tobon, Jessica Brown Findlay, and Melissa Benoist. The biggest story, of course, is Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton. Jennifer Lawrence has already confirmed that the pictures of her are authentic. Mary Elizabeth Winstead also confirmed her pictures are real. Kate Upon’s people are “looking into” it, but recent reports are that they have now confirmed the pictures are real. Victoria Justice and Arianna Grande are denying that their pictures are real. “These so called nudes of me are FAKE people,” Victoria tweeted. “Let me nip this in the bud right now. *pun intended.*” The photos were originally posted in 4chan.org, but have also appeared on Reddit.

And the legal threats are pouring in. “This is a flagrant violation of privacy,” Jennifer’s representatives told TMZ. “The authorities have been contacted, and will prosecute anyone who posts the stolen photos of Jennifer Lawrence.” And so too is the shaming. “To those of you looking at photos I took with my husband years ago in the privacy of our home, hope you feel great about yourselves,” Winstead tweeted. Glee celebrity Becca Tobin also tweeted: “Merry XXXmas!”

Our lawyers have advised us to stay out of this one. So until the legal threats settle down, we’ll just tell you were you can find them: New Celeb Leaked Pics All in One Place on Reddit. But you better look fast, they are dropping off like flies. And they’re also showing up on Sex.com, but who knows how long they’ll stay up there either, so click here. And as you’re looking, and likely masturbating, like Mary Winstead, we hope you feel great about yourselves. This one’s just a fake:

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KATE UPTON BLAMES THE INTERNET AND BLOGS FOR WHY SHE HASN’T YET GONE NUDE

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In a recent article for Details.com, Kate Upton explains why she hasn’t let the world see her tits. And she blames the Internet. Here’s the Q&A: (Detail.com) Is your voice also the reason why you have stayed away from being photographed naked? Being shot nude by great fashion photographers is very common among famous models like Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, and Lara Stone. (Kate Upton) For me those photos are art. Your body is art, your body is beautiful, and to be photographed in that way is amazing and it’s received in a very positive way. But with social media and the Internet and not so great blogs and the attention like that, I don’t think that my pictures would be received in the way that I’d want them to be received. That’s why I’ve stayed away from them. I really appreciate those photos and I think those women are beautiful, but I think social media and the Internet has prevented me from putting myself out there like that.

So for now, we’ll have to rely on the fake nudes:

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THE KATE UPTON FLOPPY CAMELTOE OUTTAKE YOU DIDN’T SEE

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People are still talking about Kate Upton’s Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Edition appearance, and here’s why. This is one of the most unfortunate (unintentional) outtake releases we’ve seen in some time. Kate Upton’s incredibly sexy topless body paint shoot, but with the unedited floppy taco cameltoe that hangs a good 3-4 inches deep. It looks like Kate has been ridden hard by every player in the NFL, NBA and then some. With the magic of Photoshop this kind of sad display usually gets a more glamorous edit, but the raw shoot, is just more raw than we needed to see.

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HOT MODELS’ FIRST POLAROIDS

Polaroid throwbacks of model’s (some supermodel’s) first test shoot reveal that, not surprisingly, they were hot back then too. Not much has changed for models Kate Upton, Miranda Kerr, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Candace Swanepoel, Abbey Lee Kershaw and Hilary Rhoda. Take a look at their first Polaroid and you can see why everyone knew they were going to be supermodels.

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