SAFE SEX BUSTS MASSAGE PARLOR PROSTITUTION RING, CAUSE THEY CLOGGED THE FUCKING PIPES WITH ALL THE CONDOMS
An Asian massage parlor was really a front for a prostitution ring. Big surprise. We really wished we could have asked, “What do we get for 10 dollars? Everything?” Though we doubt they would say back, “Every-ting.” It’s just something we’ve all been dying to say. The big surprise is that it was the safe sex practices of the parlor that got them busted. Apparently, hundreds of used condoms backed up a waste disposal unit connecting Jade Massage Parlor in Austin, Texas and its shopping strip to the city sewer system. The realty company that took over control of the property, called the police. Police traced the clog back to Jade, and allegedly found female employees providing extras in addition to the backrubs. Jade also advertised illicit services on Backpage.com as many as two to three times a day. The advertisements contained pictures of women and parlor owner Juan Wang’s phone number, a police investigation found. (Again, no big surprise, but funny the owner’s name was “Wang”.) Juan and her co-owner husband, Joseph Emery, were arrested and charged with organized criminal activity and money laundering. And what should have been even another clue, was that two days before cops got tipped off about the condom backlog, Juan was stopped at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport headed to China with $30,000 in cash. “Me love you long time…”
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As a matter of general principle, we will always run with a porn star behind the scenes video. Especially when it features one of our friends, Jillian Janson. So when we came across this video with porn stars Darcie Dolcie and Jillian Janson, it didn’t take long to agree to run with it. It is short, but definitely worth a click.
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Apparently, sticking your fingers up Kanye West’s ass, makes you fingers worth more, like a sweaty t-shirt he wore in concert or a napkin he used to wife his head. Just refrain from smelling your shitty Kanye West fingers. Whatever you do, don’t wash! They’re valuable. Or, it seems, so believes “Sex toy Dave,” owner of SexToy.com, the largest distributor of sex toys sold online. He said, “I am very thankful for your Tweet since it’s help to educate many people on the joys of Prostate Stimulation. … The shape of a prostate massager is very similar to a finger, since prostate massages are traditionally given digitally. This is where you FIT in Amber… We need your finger! We would like to speak to you or your representatives as soon as possible about casting a mold of your hand, especially the one that contains Kanye’s favorite finger. I am prepared to present you with your own line and big percentage in this type of toy. We know there are a lot of people who are now curious what it feels like to be Kanye- We also know that there are many who would like to give him the finger. Feel free to hit me up at my email address listed below. I can assure you this can be a huge WIN/WIN for both of us and that I am not full of…well u know what.” And Kanye West’s ass continues to be a trending topic, in spite of the start of presidential party nomination voting and a crisis in Flint, Michigan killing children. That’s one big asshole.
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