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MIA KHALIFA OFFERS UP HER TITS TO CHANGE JOHN WALL’S NBA RATING

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa is back in the habit. As many who follower her after porn know, she is a big Washington Wizards sports fan, among other D.C. teams, and in particular a fan of point guard John Wall. In the upcoming NBA 2K18 video game, John was rated a 90. In contrast, Steph Curry was rated a 94. Mia was displeased and felt John at least deserved a 93 rating. So she took to Twitter and tweeted at Ronnie2K, the video game’s marketing director. First she said, “Play me in HORSE to change Wall’s 90 to a 93”. That failed. Then she tweeted, “I’ll let you touch my tiddies”. Ronnie said, “The ratings more sacred.” (More sacred than Mia Khalifa’s tits, blasphemy!) So Mia tried again, reply, “A lot of 14 year olds in Brazil would disagree. Take the tiddies and change the rating.” But no dice. We would have taken that deal, though, without thinking twice.

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PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA PLAYS SISKEL AND EBERT, CAUSE NOW SHE’S A MOVIE CRITIC

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa is now playing movie critic. She recently took to critiquing Christopher Nolan’s latest film, Dunkirk, which is centered on the evacuation of Allied soldiers from the North of France during World War II. Mia started on Twitter, saying, “I love Chris Nolan more than I love my dogs, but Dunkirk sucked more dick than I did in 2014”. She then posted a video critic on YouTube. She wrote in the description, “Jerf is drugged and swollen from his wisdom teeth extraction, but we managed to get out of the house and watch Dunkirk. We were less than impressed and both agreed, had we not possessed basic knowledge regarding the rescue at the beaches of Dunkirk, we would have had no fucking clue what was going on in this movie…. 7/10, though. Chris Nolan can do no wrong.” Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 92 out of 100 and the film has mostly received praise. But Mia wasn’t having it. “I didn’t know if this whole thing lasted 23 hours or if the rescue mission took like two and a half months,” Mia said. “You never knew what time of day it was, what the fucking temperature was… I’m like, ‘What the fuck is going on?'” She added, “Did this end World War II, or was this like… a random battle? You could not tell. There was no context.” Mia’s no Siskel and Ebert, but she was still a hot fucking porn star.

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sMIA1 sMIA2

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MIA KHALIFA FUCKS WITH BOSTON, BOSTON FUCKS BACK

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Isaiah Thomas is the 5’9″ stellar point guard for the Boston Celtics. In the NBA, 5’9″ is relatively short. But porn star Mia Khalifa is only 5’2″. So she can’t really talk much about height. But she did, attempting to troll Isaiah during the Celtics-Wizards game last night. She tweeted, “Yo, @Isaiah_Thomas, I’ll let you touch my tiddies if you can reach them.” Relatively short as he may be, Isaiah can certainly reach Mia’s tiddies. So it wasn’t that great of a troll attempt. And Twitter responded:

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@thatHoesFuneral — “You’re basically at his penis Ma”

@Celtics59 — “Considering they sag to your knees I don’t think he’ll have much trouble”

@mindofjosh_ — “They ain’t your tiddies anyway home girl. He can touch them implants though”

@tblhedman77 — “They are starting to sag, he’ll be ok”

@ItsGmanFool — “You mean your frankintiddies! #badboobjob”


Now, we don’t know about all that. Mia’s tiddies look worth the feel. But Boston fans can be cruel.



sMIAK1

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FORMER PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA DROPS “MR. IRRELEVANT” ON CHAD KELLY IN THIS YEAR’S NFL DRAFT

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Ole Miss quarterback Chad Kelly and former porn star Mia Khalifa have history. He tried to slide into her DMs, and she’s been calling him out ever since, not the least of which because she’s a diehard University of Florida fan (and alumnae). Chad was the last pick in this year’s NFL draft, going No. 253, to the Denver Broncos, reportedly after Broncos general manager John Elway talked with football great Jim Kelly, who vouched for his nephew. And as is tradition, the last one to go in the draft is given the title “Mr. Irrelevant,” and Mia didn’t hesitate to let Chad know with a tweet. You can just feel the sexual tension between the two. They might as well have sex already, and make a porn video out of it. Chad’s career isn’t going anywhere. And to be honest, neither is Mia’s. It would make a great comeback video.

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MIA KHALIFA TROLLS THE FUCK OUT OF OLE MISS QB CHAD KELLY, POOR CHAD

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Ole Miss quarterback Chad Kelly has had a rough year. To top off all of his troubles, he was not invited to the NFL combine based on off-field issues. And former porn star Mia Khalifa let everyone know it. They have some history. Chad tried to slip into Mia’s DMs. Mia outed Chad to the world for it. And then trolled this shit out of him as he imploded. So Mia didn’t miss the opportunity to punk Chad again over the combine. She said, “He wasn’t invited in my DM’s either, so he’ll prob show up to the combine drunk asking Gruden if he wants to FaceTime”. So much for not kicking a guy while he’s down. Mia kicked him in the balls and then gave him a golden shower to boot. You gotta love a girl that ruthless.

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PORN STAR MIA KHALIA CALLS FAN WHO GOT HER FACE TATTOOED ON HIS LEG AN “IDIOT”

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa has no lover for “fuckery,” like getting her face tattooed on your leg, like a fan did recently. We agree with Mia, this is absolutely dumb fuckery. We would have said that even if this “fan” had met Mia, fucked her, dated her, even was head over heels in love with her and married her, none of which he has done. We’d say that still because getting a tattoo of a partner on your body is absolute dumb fuckery. It always ends the same way, with a break up. And this tool doesn’t even know Mia. If you were going to do something so stupid, at least get a hot porn scene of Mia, or Mia fully nude. Something. A nipple. Well, Mia had this to say: “First of all, you’re an idiot. Second of all, my eyebrows are uneven. Third of all, what kind of two-for-one special did you get this tattoo on? I look like I just crawled out of the depths of hell nose first. What kind of dumbass would permanently mark their body with this? This isn’t cool or flattering… you’re an idiot lol. Good luck explaining this to any future significant others. Idiot.” She added on Twitter, “Y’all, I found a piece worse than the Cowboys SB LI Champs tat. Hope he didn’t expect a ‘thank u’ from me. I will not condone this fuckery.” Harsh, but spot on.

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sKHAL1

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FORMER PORN STAR MIA KHALIA TRIED TO FUCK WITH THE SIXERS, GOT FUCKED HARD IN RESPONSE

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa has trolled some of the best college athletes and made them look like fools for attempting to creep into her DMs. But when she went out to troll Philadelphia Sixers center Joel Embiid, it backfired on Mia hard, cause Joel rode Mia’s ass hard with the perfect response. Mia posted a picture on her Instagram page of Joel and fellow Sixers, saying “Room full of L’s.” Joel didn’t take the slight too kindly, and responded, “Says the woman with miles of D.” Mia promptly replied on Twitter, “Lesson learned: don’t mess with the Sixers.” We doubt Mia has learned her lesson, but she just isn’t ready for the pros. In case you were wondering, there are 63,360 inches in a mile. Now assuming that the average porn star penis is 9″ long, Mia would have had to have teen 7,049 dicks to get to a mile, so miles may be a bit over the top, but point well taken, Joel.

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IN 2016, THE WORLD WATCHED 524,641 YEARS OF PORN ON PORNHUB, MOSTLY OF PORN STAR LISA ANN

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The world watched a lot of porn on Pornhub.com in 2016. The numbers are staggering. Take this one, for example, the world watched 524,641 years of porn. People viewed 91,980,225,000 porn vides on Pornhub. That is 12.5 videos for every man, woman and child on the planet. Now clearly some people were watching more than their fair share. But it is now undeniable that the world is addicted to porn. The most viewed categories were of course the usual suspects: Lesbian, Teen, Ebony, MILF, Anal, Big Dick, Hentai, Big Tits, Threesome, Mature, Babe, Female Friendly, Japanese, Amateur, Ass, Squirt, Shemale, Babysitter, Creampie, and Cartoon. And even though she is retired, Lisa Ann is still the reigning porn queen, as the most searched porn actress in the world. She is followed by Mia Khalifa (also retired last year), Kim Kardashian, Riley Reid, Sunny Leone, Brandi Love, Asa Akira, Madison Ivy, Alexis Texas, Dillion Harper, Mia Malkova, August Ames, Nicole Aniston, Sasha Grey, Sara Jay, Dani Daniels, Christy Mack, Piper Perri, Ava Addams and Rachel Starr. But 2017 is a new year. Though it seems clear that we will waste over a half million years of life just watching porn. If that effort was put to something just a little more useful, we might already be living on Jupiter.

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sporse1 sporse2

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WILL PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA BE THE NEXT AMBASSADOR TO SAUDI ARABIA? NOT A CHANCE IN HELL, BUT THERE’S A CHANGE.ORG PETITION TRYIN’ TO MAKE IT HAPPEN

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa (who is Lebanese) will never be appointed nor confirmed as United States Ambassador to Saudi Arabia. Never. Ever. Donald Trump may be unconventional, he may be crazy as fuck, but Mia is nowhere close to even appearing on the intern’s first draft list of potential nominees, not even by accident or as a joke. But Dalcolm Rodriguez-Goldstein feels she would make a great ambassador, and he’s even made a Change.org petition extolling her virtues for the position. “Mia Khalifa has a proven track record of bringing people together regardless of cultural background for the betterment of our country and international community. She will be a great leader representing us in the middle east as well as a symbol of the melting pot that is America.” So far, 3,810 people have signed on to the petition. You can join by adding your name to Mia’s supporters on Dalcolm’s petition here.

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smia1

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PORNHUB OFFERS OLE MISS QB CHAD KELLY A PORN STAR CONSOLATION, CAUSE MIA KHALIFA DIDN’T BITE

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University of Mississippi quarterback Chad Kelly has made himself a national joke, after having tried twice to hit up (former) porn star Mia Khalifa in her DM, and getting publicly rejected and humiliated by Mia. And now Pornhub has gotten in on the game, offering to give Chad dating lessons with a porn star. In an open letter to Chad, Pornhub said, “we wanted to intervene and offer our assistance before you strike out for a third consecutive time,” offering “an opportunity to go on a date with a porn star and learn how to best pick up women. Think of PornHub as your dating coach. We can arrange a lovely dinner with one of our beautiful porn stars and she can show you the ropes. You can try various pickup lines on her, see which ones work, which ones fall flat. She can offer guidance and break down the X’s and O’s of dating so you’re best equipped for further situations.” Porhub was kind enough to leave the offer open indefinitely, saying “the offer will remain beyond your graduation,” so Chad does not run afoul of NCAA rules. While it might seem humiliating at the moment, we say, Chad you’ve hit the jackpot, buddy. Cause this is the closest you’re getting to sliding into Mia’s DMs.

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smia1

shub1

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OLE MISS QB GETS BLOWN UP AGAIN FOR TRYING TO SLIDE INTO PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA’S DM

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Chad Kelly, quarterback for the University of Mississippi, is both dumb and horny as fuck (they often go hand in hand when chasing pussy). He has been trying to get into (former) porn star Mia Khalifa’s DM and to be honest into her pussy, for some time, but each time getting shut down hard and publicly humiliated — cause she’s a committed Florida State University girl. Over the weekend, Mia posted Chad’s most recent attempts to rub skins, saying “YO, @OleMissFB, come get your man.” This time around, Chad’s DMs were met with “Is this a joke?” and “Are you drunk?” from Mia, along with a finishing, “Oh my god. Was I too subtle last time?” Mia was not at all subtle the last time, back in September, when she responded to Chad’s DMs by saying, “I’m only following you for seminole recon to find your weaknesses before the game. Also because last chance U.” and “Weakness 1: can’t resist urges to slide into DM’s of girls outta his league”. Then she again posted his DMs to the world, saying, “Shoulda spent more time in your playbook and less time in my DM’s #NOLES,” after Florida State destroyed Ole Miss 45-34, following a 28-6 lead. Poor chad, all he wanted was some porn star pussy. After having seen Mia Khalifa nude (and in porn), can you blame Chad for trying? and trying again?

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smia1

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CAUSE FORMER PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA IS A FLIRT

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The Internet has opened our eyes to things we never realized before. Things we probably should have known, mostly suspected, but every said you were crazy for thinking. What is undeniable today is how much ass athletes are getting on the side, and from every corner of the planet. Porn stars especially. Lisa Ann sexes up professional and college athletes. And Mia Khalifa, now that she is retired, is stepping up her professional athlete game, flirting with NFL rookies. (But they say she’s just a friend.) For instance, Mia appears to have been sliding in and out of Redskins rookie linebacker Su’a Cravens’ DMs. Su’a started the speculation by tweeting, “Since she missed last weeks game had to make sure she’s on her Ps and Qs this week,” on Friday morning, with a screenshot of himself FaceTiming with Mia. Su’a explained later, after shit started blowing up, that after he was drafted this spring, Mia “hit me up then, just to congratulate me. So we just talked then, and we’ve just been friends ever since. She’s a real good fan, as well as a hockey fan. I’m not a hockey fan at all, so she’s been trying to get me to watch hockey and stuff. She’s a die-hard Capitals fan, so she gets mad at me whenever I make fun of her for watching it. But she’s just a friend.” Wait, wait, let us clear some bullshit out our throats. Haaaa-bullshit!

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Su’a said he FaceTimes with Mia “all the time,” but they haven’t yet met in person. He added that it’s “pretty dope” that Mia is a Redskins fan, and he said his teammates “thought it was cool, so I guess that’s all that matters.” As for the speculations, he said, “I didn’t specify, so I knew I was gonna let people assume what they wanted to, but I don’t really care. She’s just a friend, so it didn’t bother me too much.” Yeah, right, friends, like the television show.

sMKA1

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FORMER PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA SHARES HER SUMMER BIG BOOB PROBLEMS

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa is trying to find her way outside of porn, with a large social media following, but few opportunities to use her “talents.” It is a dilemma that faces a number of former porn stars who want to crossover into mainstream. No one lets you forget you did porn. And, there was a reason you did porn in the first place, so frankly, you still look like porn star. Mia is trying. She did a video entitled, “9 Reasons Why Having Big Boobs Is The Shittiest Part Of The Summer.” Admittedly, it’s not that good. But there are plenty of shots of Mia Khalifa cleavage, which may be all we’re getting these days. (So we added an extra reminder, cause they’ll never let you forget.)

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PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA OFFICIALLY CONFIRMS SHE IS DONE WITH PORN, SHE’S NOW A MILLION TIMES LESS INTERESTING

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Porn star Mia Khalifa, the almost instantly popular Lebanese powerhouse who shot to the number one ranked porn star on Pornhub in only a few months, hasn’t done any porn in a while, so people have speculated that she is “retired,” though Mia has never officially confirmed her retirement, until today. In an article in The Washington Post,, Mia said, she only did porn for three months, and stopped more than a year ago. “I guess it was my rebellious phase,” she said. “It wasn’t really for me. I kind of smartened up and tried to distance myself from that.” So if there was any doubt, Mia said officially she is done. That of course, appears to be in an effort to build a brand for herself in more mainstream media, where the porn image has held her back, she felt. “Honestly, I think the teams try to separate themselves from me because of the reputation of being a former adult actress, which I totally understand and respect,” she said. “But I’m still gonna support them.” She isn’t deterred by the cold shoulder. “I love representing D.C. and their sports teams everywhere I go, and I try to do it as best and as hard as I can.” These days Mia is working a normal job, but maintaining her social media presence so she can continue to rep D.C. “Since I gained a social media platform, I decided right away that I want to bring as much attention to Maryland and D.C. and the DMV area as I can,” Mia said. “I want to promote D.C. sports. I want to promote how amazing Maryland is and how gorgeous D.C. is and how great of a city it is. Because that’s home. Other than Wale, it’s not very well-represented [in certain circles]. So I want to help out with that. I really care about D.C.” We will miss, Mia, and wish her well in her new efforts. Though, we suspect she’ll be back.

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sMIA1

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THE SEXY 16 OF #PORNSTARMADNESS KICKS OFF TOMORROW WITH THESE SEXY EIGHT

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We had four days of #PornStarMadness last week that left us with 16 porn stars. We are about to kick off another four days of madness to end with only 4. Tomorrow is the first day of our Sexy 16 matchups, with some heavy hitters coming out, like Kendra Lust, Tasha Reign, August Ames, Julia Ann and Nicole Aniston. Mia Khalifa, Alexis Texas and Mia Markova are heavy hitters too, but haven’t yet put up the numbers of their competitors, so tomorrow will be a proving ground going into the Erotic 8 and then the Fantasy Four next week. We wish everyone the best, and look forward to the madness starting again tomorrow.

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PORNBX1-6

S16AugustAmes S16KendraLust S16TashaReign S16MiaMalkova

S16NicoleAniston S16MiaKhalifa S16JuliaAnn S16AlexisTexas

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IS MIA KHALIFA IN OSAMA BIN LADEN’S PORN STASH? WE MAY KNOW SOON

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Back in June 2015, Judicial Watch, a D.C.-based foundation that focuses on uncovering governmental misconduct, filed a Freedom of Information Act request with the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) for “[a]ll pornographic material collected during and/or after the U.S. military operation in Abbotabad, Pakistan on or about May 1, 2011 that killed Osama bin Laden” as well as a “catalog or index” of all of those materials that would have been prepared after their seizure. They want Osama bin Laden’s porn. The CIA apparently never responded, so now Judicial Watch is suing in federal court in Washington, D.C. to get their hands on Osama’s porn, saying, “Plaintiff is being irreparably harmed by reason of Defendant’s unlawful withholding of records responsive to Plaintiff’s FOIA request, and Plaintiff will continue to be irreparably harmed unless Defendant is compelled to conform their conduct to the requirements of the law.” The big question everyone wants to know, of course, is what was Osama’s fetish? BBW? Muslim women? Transexuals? Hopefully we will all know soon. All we have to go on now is Reuter’s description that Osama’s porn stash “consists of modern, electronically recorded video and is fairly extensive,” citing current and former U.S. officials who spoke on condition of anonymity.

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