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“MAKE PORN GREAT AGAIN,” XHAMSTER AUDITIONS DONALD TRUMP PORN STARS

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And then there were three. Donald Trump has inspired many things in his few short weeks as President of the United States, including a resurgence of Trump porn. xHamster is riding the wave of that resurgence and plans to ride it for the next four years, with an open casting call for Donald Trump porn star impersonators for a series of Donald Trump parody porn. They’ve been hunting for candidates with “unique hair,” “small hands” and “the ability to make incredible deals, and bring the HUGE-ness (or ‘YUGE’ in the parlance of Trump) of the president-elect to the small screens and tablets of our consumers” since November, receiving “many” submissions, which have been narrowed down to three. Their video auditions have been posted onto xHamster’s YouTube channel. And now xHamster users are being asked to vote for their favorite of the final three, the winner to be announced during the first 100 days of Trump ‘s presidency. The candidates sure do have the president down. One said in his video, “I’m here to tell you that I don’t lose. Okay, I’m not gonna lose.” And then asks, “Is this the face of a loser,” while holding a Hilary Clinton doll. Another said, “Yeah, we’re going out tonight”, pointing towards a Melania Trump doppelganger, “I’m gonna be with this pig, horrible woman, but we’re gonna do our best!”

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xHamster spokesperson Alex Hawkins said, “The Trump transition has been turbulent for all of us. We apologise for the delay in getting out this request. There is nothing more that the American public needs that quality adult content parodies to help them understand that ever shifting landscape of their Executive Branch of government.” About the final choice, xHamster said, “this performer would need to be in the ‘best health of any actor to do porn’, to have even more in common with the President-elect, whose own physician said that Trump is the ‘healthiest person to run for President in history.’ The ability to harness both Trump’s complete understanding of all issues without any actual knowledge of an issue, is also an optional trait.” xHamster is also casting a Trump cabinet, Trump family, and Trump Supreme Court nominations. The winner of the Donald Trump casting gets his own Twitter handle, @TheRealxHDonaldTrump. So who will it be?







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WHO’S QUEEN OF THE ASSES?

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We just came across this video from Fusion Comedy, though it was posted a year ago. It parodies Nicki Minaj, Iggy Azalea and Jennifer Lopez, with a special appearance from Kim Kardashian. It starts out simple enough with just Nicki but turns into booty feud. The description starts, “Nicki Minaj had a feud with Iggy Azalea long before the Twitter war with Taylor Swift” and continues from there. But (spoiler alert) Kim puts an end to it all, literally.

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COSPLAY GALLERY: DUNNA NUNNA NUNNA NUNNA DUNNA NUNNA NUNNA NUNNA BATGIRL!

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We’ve been feigning for some cosplay. It has been a few weeks since our last hit. As we have covered, Wicked Pictures has done so many hot cosplay shoots, we’ve only still begun to scratch the surface. But like a fiend, we’re scratching, cause we need it, we need it bad. Lexi Belle gave us a fix, with her Batgirl cosplay from Wicked’s Batman v. Superman XXX. That parody was cosplay gold.

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COSPLAY GALLERY: DILLION HARPER GOES WHERE NO PORN STAR HAS GONE BEFORE, STAR TREK PORN

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Star Wars cosplay and porn is dramatically more popular than Stark Trek, it’s an obvious fact. But it is surprising because trekkies are near cult-like in a way that Star Wars fans have not matched. Apparently they are more wholesome, cause the cult-like devotion has not flowed into porn and cosplay, even though Star Trek has many more female characters to porn parody and cosplay. Seven of Nine, played by actress Jeri Ryan — who is basically single-handedly responsible for Barrack Obama rising to the presidency (you can Google Jack Ryan and get the whole sorted details of how Jeri sank his senate campaign against one relatively unknown Illinois state senator named Barrak) — sits at the top of a ground swell of Star Trek fake porn pictures, among a number of other hot potentials. In balancing out the inequity, Porn star Dillion Harper did Star Trek cosplay as Yeoman Malone in Hustler’s Star Trek Parody, This Ain’t Star Trek 3 XXX, and pictures were more than enough to make up for the lack of Star Trek cosplay. Now, the most iconic Star Trek hottie was hands-down, Uhura. In the first two Hustler parodies, Uhura was played by porn star Jada Fire, and in the third along with Dillion, Ana Foxxx played Uhura. We’ll come back to Uhura cosplay. But for today and into the weekend, Dillion dominates our cosplay gallery this evening, for good reason.

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HBO SUING PORNHUB OVER “GAME OF THRONES” SEX SCENES

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So far, Pornhub has been an unstoppable force, with users pirating porn without consequence. Many production companies have tried to sue Pornhub, many porn stars have complained. But Pornhub’s seemingly invincible piracy platform is facing it’s toughest challenger yet, HBO. Since the return of “Game of Thrones,” sex scenes have increasingly been uploaded to Pornhub. And there are also videos of parodies, with porn stars pretending to be characters such as Cersei Lannister and Lord Varys played by Lena Heady and Conleth Hill. While 2.5 million viewers watched the return of “Game of Thrones” last month, 6 million people went to Pornhub to look for “Game of Thrones” porn, including clips of the sex scenes and parodies. One parody called “Daenerys Targaryen pleasured by lesbian sex slave in Game of Thrones,” has more than 1.7 million views, and expands on the Season 1 intimacy lesson Daenerys gets from a handmaiden. Searches for the show’s leading ladies spiked by 370% when the show returned. Emilia Clarke, who plays Daenerys Targaryen, Queen of Dragons, was the top search. She was closely followed by Natalie Dormer, as Margaery Tyrell, and Sibel Kekilli, who played Shae. An HBO spokesman said: “HBO is aware of the issue and is in the process of getting material taken down from Pornhub.” We will see whether Pornhub can stand up to HBO.

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LESS THAN 10 DAYS TO THE STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS RELEASE, SO NUDE STORMTROOPERS

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You nerds will all go crazy today, since we had nothing better to do than assemble some Star Wars nerd porn. The Force Awakens is now less than 10 days from its official release on December 18, 2015. We have all been teased with very cryptic trailers. Reviews have already been posted, but we’ll say nothing to avoid any spoilers and upsetting you freaks already bringing down ticketing websites buying tickets every day for ten days straight. We’ll admit some of us bought early too. But The Force Awakens is only rated PG-13, so no nudity (well, that’s kindof a spoiler). And what a disappointment. Though, that’s where the Internet is the perfect gap filler. We thought, well, still with a few days left, we might as well cover some Star Wars porn. And what better than naked Stormtroopers? Many of you will note that stormtroopers are all male, so this little collection isn’t nerd accurate. You got us. But did you really want to see naked male stormtroopers?

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COME TO MY BASS DROP

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At first we thought this video was a joke, and then we thought, no, it’s just European, and then we figured out, yes, it’s a prank video by Robert James Hoffman III. But the bass ass effects are pretty hot. In case you were wondering, the seemingly endless parade of lingerie ass is of models Gina Gina Katon, Krystal Ellsworth, Jillian Schmitz, Athena Perample, Tarin Pratt, Daniela Dib, and Danielle Acoff, so hats off to them…

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GOLDEN GIRLS PORN PARODY IS STUFFED WITH GILF AND A GREAT THEME SONG

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Porn’s new parody is “This Ain’t The Golden Girls XXX,” starring porn stars Nina Hartley, Luna Azul, Karen Summer, and Darla Crane. Here’s the catchy theme song: “Thank you for fucking my friend, Granny pussy don’t mean it’s the end. We love dick we love balls, But we’re stuck inside of these four walls. And if you threw an orgy, Invited four broads to come, We’ll lube up the slit, And then we’ll pull out your big dick, And the card attached would say, ‘Feels good, please do it again. And again. And again. And again.'” Classic.

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AMIA MILEY’S REVENGE?

Fresh off of being mistaken for Kim Kardashian (at least from behind), Amia Miley recently released a three-minute-plus skit, entitled “Kim Kardashian Nude Photo Scandal Truth,” described on Miley’s website as being a “hilarious parody of what really might have happened when Kanye tweeted [the] naked photo of Kim that was actually Amia.” If you were hoping for Amia to at least flash some skin, remember it was made for YouTube.




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