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MICHIGAN COPS ABOUT TO LOSE IMMUNITY FOR FUCKING PROSTITUTES THEY’RE INVESTIGATING, BUT ANYTHING GOES OFF DUTY

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Michigan is the last state that still provides immunity to police officers for soliciting prostitutes and engaging in a little sexual intercourse while cracking down on the world’s oldest profession. You gotta collect the evidence, you know. But undercover cops won’t be getting any free games of hide of the salami soon anymore. They will no longer be allowed to have sex with the prostitutes they investigate, under a bill that unanimously passed a Michigan Senate committee Tuesday. “This is as succinctly written as anyone could make it. It eliminates the opportunity for those in undercover law enforcement to engage in sexual intercourse with someone they’re investigating,” said Sen. Judy Emmons, R-Sheridan, who sponsored the bill. “We have the dubious distinction of being the last state in the nation to have this law in our books.” The Senate Judiciary Committee agreed with Chairman Sen. Rick Jones, R-Grand Ledge, who said, “As a former sheriff, no modern-day police department would ever allow this. This makes so much sense.” University of Michigan law professor Bridgette Carr has tried for several years to get the exemption removed, but wasn’t successful until this year when Rep. Gary Glenn, R-Midland, offered to help, introducing a similar bill in the House of Representatives. So far, the House has not voted. So Michigan cops are still immune from prosecution for fucking prostitutes during an investigation, if they wish. But that trick is almost done.

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GATHER UP YOUR MILK MONEY, TIME TO GO TO FLORIDA, BANGABLE HOMELESS WOMAN FUCKING TEENS IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS

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You are probably better off saving your money and yourself from a case of almost certain gonorrhea. But a decent looking homeless woman is having sex with teens in Ocala, Florida. (We don’t know if she’s doing it for money or the thrill of sex with teens in public bathrooms, apparently that’s a thing now.) According to the Ocala Police Department, Maria Lynn Baker was arrested by a detective on Saturday morning on two counts of lewd and lascivious battery. Police said that Maria called the police herself on Friday, supposedly to tell on the teenage boys before they told on her, but didn’t tell police exactly what the boys did. So the police went to check it out, and found Maria arguing with another woman. That woman told the officer that she had evidence Maria was having sex with boys. The woman showed the police a video of Maria having sex with a boy. Maria had allegedly had sex with two 12- to 14-year-old boys inside a bathroom. Police officials said she may face more charges, because they believe there may be more victims.

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