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PORN STAR KIM HOLLAND CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES FOR SHOOTING PORN IN CHURCH CONFESSIONAL IN HOLLAND, CAUSE BLASPHEMY AIN’T A CRIME

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Porn star Kim Holland shot a porn sex scene in a church confessional in Holland. The flick was shot in St Joseph Church and other areas of the Southern Dutch city of Tilburg earlier this year. Kim uploaded it to her website. The church board complained (how they found out is a mystery, probably not that hard to solve if you think for a second). But the public prosecutor in the nearby city of Breda decided that the criminal complaint against Kim and her partner will be dismissed after determining there was been “no punishable offence.” Blasphemy is no longer a crime in Holland. And the church is open to the public. Chief public prosecutor Charles van der Voort had to explain to pastor Jan van Noorwegen and vice chairman Harrie de Swart of the church board why it was impossible to prosecute anyone in the case, and apparently why Kim might be back to “confess” some more.
A spokeswoman from the public prosecutor’s office said: “While the recording is very offensive and shows little respect, there is no punishable offence.” The pastor said, “Of course I am not happy with this. Do we agree that the craziest things can happen in public buildings? Imagine. Be it inside a church, in the city hall or in a restaurant, apparently all is allowed.” (Time to head to Holland.). The St Joseph church was spiritually cleansed in a special church service after Kim defiled with with her pussy, as the pastor asked God for forgiveness for the desecration of the premises.

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IF REDTUBE GETS TO SPONSOR A NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY STOP, THEN THERE TRULY IS A GOD

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The New York City transit system needs repair. The State of New York needs assistance to pay for it. RedTube wants to help. New York state governor Andrew Cuomo announced a new corporate sponsorship program in July. The governor’s idea is being hailed as a first-of-its-kind public-private Subway Partnership Program in New York. Private corporations invest in a fund to support the New York City subway system as well as an Adopt-A-Station program. The money goes to improvements in the New York City subway system. RedTube asked to sponsor a subway station as part of the governor’s new plan. RedTube submitted a request to sponsor a subway station, decorate the station and even a few trains, with a proposed picture of how it would look. Sadly, not a single naked woman’s tits appear in the proposed design, which since it is going to get rejected anyway, would have at least gone a long way to making the ask that much more interesting.

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BRITAIN REQUIRING PORN WEBSITES TO PROVE AGE VERIFICATION WITH CREDIT CARDS

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The United Kingdom is getting tough on porn. For the first time, the country is requiring porn websites, both free and commercial sites, set up by commercial porn companies, as well as sites hosted abroad, to prove that individuals accessing their websites are over the age of 18, by using credit card verification. If websites fail, they risk being banned in Britain and potentially fined up to $325,000. Digital minister Matt Hancock said: “Now we are taking the next step to put in place the legal requirement for websites with adult content to ensure it is safely behind an age verification control. All this means that while we can enjoy the freedom of the web, the U.K. will have the most robust internet child protection measures of any country in the world.” The move comes as the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport reports that nearly half of all 11 to 16-year-olds have seen online porn, and 28% of children may have stumbled across pornography while 19% had actively searched for porn. The new rules, set to be part of the Digital Economy Act, seeks to have age verification for all online porn accessible in the U.K. by April 2018.

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CAMSODA IS OFFERING PRT TO LOCK YOUR SHIT UP — PENIS RECOGNITION TECHNOLOGY

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In case you didn’t know, your dick is as unique as your retina or fingerprint, so it is a perfect body part for security. CamSoda.com is putting this fact to good use and offering password protection, using your penis — penis recognition technology or PRT for short. They are calling it “Dick-ometrics.” CamSoda Vice President Darren Press gave an interview talking about how it all works. The biggest question, of course, is how safe is your dick picture for recognition purposes. Darren said, “The pictures are encrypted. Our team has worked tirelessly to ensure Dick-ometrics is satisfactory and completely safe. We understand people’s sensitivities and would never do anything to jeopardize their confidentiality. Dick-ometrics is being introduced to help ensure their confidentiality, not the other way around. The original picture someone takes is used to create a hashed datastore, but is never kept in an image format. Once we have the attributes of the user’s penis, we are able to authenticate it.” And the only question after that is, once you drop your pants and flash your dick, does it work? “Right now it identifies penises with a confidence of about 76 percent. The goal is to get it above 95 percent. The differences in the penile state, however, make this more difficult. Girth, length, curve, vascularity are all affected by the level of arousal. At the moment, we are focusing on erect penises as our go-to for login.” Maybe the FBI will catch on and use this as a way to secure our secrets against Russian hackers.

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sPASS1

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PORNHUB IS REQUIRING SOCIAL MEDIA LOGINS IN RUSSIA. IS THIS THE FUTURE OF AGE VERIFICATION COMING TO AMERICA?

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Producing porn in Russia is illegal. Watching it is not. So Russians watch a lot of porn, like everyone else in the world. But Russia is strict on age verification. Something the rest of the world is not, particularly the United States. You can get online in the U.S. and watch porn at 8 years old, so long as your have grossly negligent American parents (which most do). To avoid being banned in Russian, porn juggernaut, Pornhub.com, is requiring Russians to verify their age by logging in with their social media account on VKontakte, Russia’s Facebook. “This was the most effective and simple way to ensure compliance with Russian laws about the access to the content for adults.” Dmitry Kolodin, a representative of PornHub in Russia said. “It is a safe and simple answer to checking compliance with the 18+ rating.” Before the change, porn seekers only had to state their age, but Dimtry said this was “obvious to get around for users.” “We are forced to adhere to Russian law in order to continue working actively on Russia’s territory,” he explained. “This (new) option has shown itself to be more workable.”

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But obviously Russians, who don’t want their grandmother knowing what kind of kinky porn they like, are not happy. PornHub promised third parties would not get more users’ information than before, but not all Russians are warming up to the idea. Now, we don’t exactly care what happens in Russia. None of us are members of the Trump family. But if this is the future of age verification calls, everyone should be a little bit afraid. Cause this could be coming to America soon.

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SHOULD BARBIE HAVE CAMELTOE/LABIA?

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It started when people questioned Barbie’s proportions. She’s too tall. Her legs are too long. She’s a doll people! It continued. People questioned whether she should be fat, because every American is fat, and why shouldn’t Barbie be fat, they asked. A body-positive Barbie for fat kids. Well, it continues. Now people are questioning whether Barbie should have labia. An anatomically correct Barbie, because now her pussy is too smooth, and that creates body image issues with girls who have meat curtains for labia (also known as roast beef). British journalist Ellen Scott, recently led the charge for labia on Barbie in an article called, “Barbie needs to be given vulva.” She wrote, “Every girl, when given a Barbie, will one day see their Barbie sans clothes. Typically when they’re giving them an outfit change, or want to simulate some loved up time with Ken (even when they’re too young to know about sex, girls with Barbies still seem to magically know that Barbie and Ken need to be naked under the covers). When they strip off their Barbie, they’ll see breasts. A slim waist. A bum. But not a whisper of labia.” As Ellen writes, “vagina-related insecurity starts before we first see a woman moaning on camera. It starts young, as noted by recent research that suggests that girls as young as nine years old are already thinking about getting surgery to change the appearance of their vaginas, such as labiaplasty.” So the anatomically correct Barbie is the solution, according to Ellen. By that thinking, Ken should have a dick, cause right now he too is a smoothed Eunuch. But then the debate will be how back should Ken’s dick be?

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COLTS OWNER JIM ISRAY’S TWITTER ACCOUNT SHARING PORN THEN DELETING AND CALLING IT A HACK

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For about 12 minutes, we got a glimpse into Indianapolis Colts’ owner Jim Isray’s porn tastes, or insight into the tastes of the person who hacked his account, which we’ll never truly know. Jim claims he was hacked. His account tweeted a cropped picture Hungarian porn star Anette Dawn, focused in on her lady parts. The tweet was quickly deleted. Denials and apologies were issued. Just after the porn appeared a second tweet targeted toward news organizations and the Indiana Pacers went out, which people are saying suggests a hack (or a Machievellian cover up). We will never truly know the source of the porn tweet, but it does give us a moment to appreciate porn stat Anette Dawn, we found the full image and included it below.

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CLEVELAND DROWNED ITS SORROW AFTER LOSING THE NBA FINALS IN PORN

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We all know the answer to the question, “You just won the [Superbowl, World Series, etc.], what are you going to do next?” The PG answer, of course is, “I’m going to Disney World.” A phrase of course promoted by Disney World. Because who the fuck wins anything and goes to Disney World. The real answer for most professional athletes is, “I am going to the strip club or to the local whore house to get my dick sucked.” And when you lose the [Superbowl, World Series, etc.], that seems to be the answer too, as most of Cleveland went and drowned their sorrow in porn after the Cavaliers lost the NBA Finals. So says Pornhub, and they’re usually right about these things.

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The Golden State Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers with a final score of 129 to 120 last Monday, June 12, to win the NBA Finals. When the game began at 9pm EST, traffic on Pornhub was down -15% in the San Francisco Bay Area, and down -17% in the Cleveland area, compared to an average Monday. Across the United States, traffic was down -8%. After the game, traffic in San Francisco returned to normal, but in Cleveland traffic surged +28% between Midnight and 1am, according to Pornhub. And that’s how you do it in Cleveland.

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PORNOSEXUALS: THE NEW EMERGING SEXUAL ORIENTATION

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MedicalDaily.com is trying to make “pornosexual” happen. It is a sexual orientation term for someone whose “sexual orientation is linked solely to porn,” according to the website. One self-identified pornosexual said, “If I had to choose to have one or the other for the rest of my life, I would choose porn over real sex any day.” But it isn’t exactly clear whether MedicalDaily views pornosexuals as new sexual orientation or as a psychological disorder. The website quotes Christene Lozano, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex addiction therapist, saying it is more of a lifestyle choice for people who find find porn more “convenient” than sex with a real person. “The convenience of getting off online without the potential work, vulnerability, intimacy, and connection with others can be appealing to some,” she said. But another marriage, family and sex therapist, Amanda Pasciucco sees it a bit differently. She said is more about fear of rejection. “Unfortunately, in my years of practicing sex therapy, anxiety and fear of rejection has led to people identifying as pornosexuals,” she said. It is a growing occurrence is young men more than than women, as they are more likely to view porn. We will likely hear more about pornosexuals as porn becomes a part of almost daily life, and for some, replaces entirely physical sexual relationships with other people.

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sPORN1

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RHODE ISLAND LAWMAKER INSISTS “I AM NOT A PERVERT,” DESPITE DISTRIBUTING SCREEN SHOT WITH A BUTTLOAD OF PORN TABS

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Check your tabs. We say again: Check your tabs. That is before you go distributing a screenshot to your colleagues in the Rhode Island House of Representatives, like Rep. Ramon Perez did last week. His tabs were full of porn. “MILF Blonde” was the most prominent, the others were edited, but included “Teen” and “Brunette.” Poor Ramon only wished to inform his colleagues on the House Finance Committee of a Wikipedia entry for the Puerto Rico Automobile Accident Compensation Administration, as part of his testimony on an automobile crash protection bill he sponsored. The document was a screen shot of the Wikipedia page, and was time stamped at 2:07 a.m. At first, Ramon blamed the tabs on a “friend” who he said gave him the screenshot. He said, “I was asking a friend if they know something about it. So a friend sent me that picture with the information I was looking for. I used that picture to make copies. I didn’t see the stuff at the top.” After the backlash , last Friday he posted an apology on Facebook, saying “Tell me people what you see wrong in this picture ? I was send this picture with information I need it for one of my bill ,I didn’t notice what was wrong with it, until I got a few calls about it. My fault for no noticing the That picture I had receive ,had something bad on it, and use it by mistake”. He has since deleted his Facebook page.

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He recently went before the House floor to say, ““I am not a pervert. I made a big mistake of trusting too much in people,” he said. “I know people in here don’t believe me. They say that’s the excuse everybody makes. But I think it is a possibility because I don’t check that page … that stupid page.” He added, “Just give me a chance and don’t judge me so quick. It was an innocent mistake.” Ramon, check your tabs.



sRAM1

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VIRTUAL REALITY PORN AND SEX IS GETTING BETTER EVERY DAY

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We aren’t at the point where you will stay in your basement locked up watching porn all day, no, wait, we are at that point. But what is better about it is it will be interactive. We were on Vimeo, and happened across the virtual reality sex simulation and were pretty shocked at how far the virtual sexual experience had come. There is still a long way to go, it may not take that long to get there. Take a look at how far we’ve come already.

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PORN TUBE SITE REDTUBE SPONSORS D.C. AMATEUR SOCCER TEAM

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Amateur soccer club Washington Square FC now has a huge corporate sponsor, but not the one that most clubs would covet publicly. They’ve got porn tube site RedTube.com emblazoned across their chests, and they are proud. Why the fuck not? So proud in fact, they using the hashtag #RedTubeARMY to generate social media support. They recently tweeted, “Only the beginning. Best support in the world from @RedTube and our loyal #RedTubeARMY #COYSQ”. Captain of the side Jon Klippert told the story behind the sponsor. He said: “He and I (former player Jaime Skelton) were slightly intoxicated one night with a few other players and we were joking about getting sponsored by a Porn Company. We thought it would be funny but also, I thought of it as one of those jokes where it’s funny but would never happen. But Jaime has a great talent for writing and is one for great whit. So, he crafted a letter than he and I did some edits, took a screen shot and sent it to RedTube’s Twitter. Here is where we met Emma, who runs their social media account and as soon as it went up, we got over 50 likes and are still getting more.”

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It was a match made in heaven at that point. “She DM’d us and I spoke with here about what would be in the details of the agreement. It’s actually pretty legendary because no one else has this from the top teams all the way down to amateurs. It’s a bit odd to have it and some people think it’s controversial but let’s be real here, it’s a men’s league club and we have done something that is unique.” Well, not exactly. A Kent University club called Rutherford Raiders used to be sponsored by tube site PornHub.com, before the university shut that shit down. But for any of you still thinking porn isn’t mainstream, take a look at the future.



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PORN STAR DAKOTA SKYE CATCHES A DOMSTIC ABUSE CASE

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Former mixed martial arts fighter War Machine just got life for his domestic beat down of porn star Christy Mack and her friend. And while nothing like that, female porn star Dakota Skye recently caught a case of misdemeanor domestic battery charge, for punching her boyfriend after he asked her to get the fuck out after they had sex. According to reports, Lauren Kaye Scott, also known as Dakota Skye, is facing charges of domestic battery, after she “struck [Robert Anderson] with an open right hand” at 4.55am on Saturday. Robert suffered a “swollen lip with a cut”, and a severe case of being a pussy snitch. Dakota is apparently married to Zachary Lecompte-Goble of Los Angeles. The bitch slap happened after Dakotaa “would not get off the phone” after giving her boyfriend the PSE (the porn star experience), so he asked her to leave his home. Dakota then, according to the police report, “became upset” and struck Robert, her boyfriend of six months, in the face. Dakota was booked and released. In a handwritten motion, Dakota asked a judge for permission to go to Los Angeles, where she said she lives with her husband Zachary.

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sKOTA1 sKOTA2

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IT’S A WONDER YOU PEOPLE FIND ANY PORN AT ALL, CAUSE YOU CAN’T SPELL WORTH SHTI

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80 million people visit Pornhub.com every day. 80 million. Each day. Most of them can’t spell worth shit. But neither can the President of the United States, so they find themselves in good company, or at least high profile company. Speaking of The Donald, according to Pornhub, “the newly minted term ‘covfefe’ has already been searched over 9,000 times on Pornhub.” Pornhub released that little nugget of modern truth as it released the most popular misspelled porn terms for each state. The two biggest nationwide are “porm” and “hentia” or “henti.” “Wbony” showed up in South Carolina and Florida. Cause apparently “Ebony” porn is big in the South, even if they can’t spell it. We can’t exactly make heads or tails of what misspellings reveal, but it was interesting.

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PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR FIDGET SPINNER PORN, BUT THERE AIN’T MUCH OUT THERE

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Fidget spinners are the new toy craze for students. You probably heard a few stories about them. They were designed to relieve stress among kids with ADHD and anxiety. The woman who created them let her patent lapse because she couldn’t afford the several hundred dollars it cost to keep it active. Now, companies have sold millions of the spinning ball bearings toy that she created and don’t have to pay her a dime. Sad. Life. But now the craze has taken a porn turn. In only ten days, Pornhub.com reported there were more than 2.5 million searches for fidget spinner porn. And searches for fidget spinner porn were up 282%. It was the 5th most popular search for the month on the website. It was the most popular search for people between the ages of 18 to 24, with women being 19% more likely to “get fidgety with it,” according to Pornhub. But we searched for fidget spinners on Pornhub. And we didn’t find very much. So if you’re looking, you might be disappointed. As a consolation, we found this ass fidget spinner porn video. We feel less stressed already.

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NEBRASKA BANS ALL PORN IN PRISONS, AND HARD TIME JUST WENT LIMP

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Fuck Nebraska. No, seriously, the Cornhusker State just banned all pornographic material in prisons. All. The Nebraska Corrections Department defined pornography as “depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement” and materials with “nudity and/or graphic depictions of sexual behaviors/acts.” In a memo announcing the change, effective January 8, 2018, State Corrections Director Scott Frakes said that allowing pornography was “counter-productive” to the goal of promoting “pro-social behavior and thinking” among inmates. “Pornographic materials are exploitative and create a hostile work environment for (prison) staff members,” Scott wrote. “These materials do not promote a positive culture and distract inmates and staff from focusing on the (department’s) vision of safe prisons, transformed lives and safe communities.” Other states have adopted similar bans. Scott actually came to Nebraska from Washington, where its state prison system banned all pornography in 2004. A Nebraska prison spokeswoman, Dawn-Renee Smith, said the policy change had been discussed for some time and was part of the “positive changes” being undertaken to “create a safer, more re-entry-focused environment.” Courts have generally upheld these kinds of bans, so Nebraska’s ban is likely to stand against any legal challenges. In Pennsylvania, for example in 2009, the Pennsylvania corrections department presented statistics that showed that prison assaults and sexual misconduct cases dropped after a ban was imposed. But how un-American. Fuck Nebraska, Washington and Pennsylvania. We view an assault on porn anywhere as an assault on porn everywhere. We just can’t agree.

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sPRIS1

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