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HOW NOT TO SOLICIT A PROSTITUE IN EAST HARLEM

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Mohammad Khalek, 46, drives a cab in New York City. It is a tough gig. What do you did when you want to get a quick release in between shifts? Don’t hate, it is a serious question, and everyone else can look up a prostitute, so why not your cab driver? Well, Mohammad went about the wrong way. He solicited a random woman in East Harlem by calling her over to his cab as she smoked a cigarette outside of her East Harlem apartment building at 2:35 a.m. in February (which, maybe by the neighborhood, by her smoking at almost 3AM, and who knows how she was dressed, maybe Mohammad just made a bad assumption). But instead of asking, which would have just been a minor faux pas, Mohammad allegedly showed her an porn clip of two people having sex, then, allegedly flashed a large amount of cash in front of her while whipping out his dick and going to town right then and there. Full stop, probably not wise, and what sense does it make, to start masturbating when you are seeking a prostitute to do it for you? Mohammad, presumably with his free hand, then allegedly pointed to the back seat of his cab, which the victim took as a solicitation for sex, according to her testimony at a June 7 hearing.

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Mohammad, a driver since 1999, denied the allegations, saying he was the one propositioned for sex as he drove near the 116th Street subway station looking for a fare. Mohammad said he called her a prostitute and yelled at her in Bengali and English after she approached his cab and made lewd comments about having sex. But an administrative law judge found against him, seemingly because he had a history of complaints against him including threats, service refusals and traffic violations, as well as harassment and abuse, according to the judge’s decision. The judge recommended that the Taxi and Limousine Commission revoke Mohamad’s license and fine him $1,000. So, again, this is the wrong way to solicit a prostitute. And why it is worth it to pay for extra data on your smartphone plan and just find a quick release on Backpage.com like everyone else does.

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WHAT CELEBRITIES THINK ABOUT PORN, BECAUSE WE NEED CELEBRITIES TO TELL US WHAT TO THINK

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Having a brain and exercising your own freedom of thought and judgment to make decision for yourself can be so tough. That’s where celebrities step in and tell you what to think, because by virtue of the fact that they can read lines in front of a camera pretty much makes them the authority on what is right and wrong and how we should all live our lives. Hell, if a celebrity didn’t say it, we really wouldn’t know what to think in life. Cosmopolitan amassed what various celebrities have said bout porn, so you don’t have to make up your own mind, you can just jump onto what some celebrity said. And if you’re that type of mindless twat, then, here’s what some of them had to say:

“I think porn, like anything else, can be enjoyed. It can be productive for both men and women.” —Scarlett Johansson

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.” —John Mayer

“I love porn! You know what I love about hotels? How discreet they are. They always give you that little thing at the bottom — ‘Your room will be charged the same as any other room, no titles will be used.'” —Cameron Diaz

“You can’t put a ban on [porn]. I mean, kids under age are still drinking. It just makes it that much more powerful. It’s freedom. You should be free to watch it whenever you want.” Amanda Seyfried

“A lot of men take porn as not that important, not that serious, whereas women tend to take it personally. It’s like, ‘How can he make love to me after watching something like this?’ I think the first time I was aware that [a partner was using porn] I was really shocked because I didn’t understand it. Lovemaking for me is related to feelings, and sensations with feelings, and so when you don’t have the feelings it becomes animal-like because you’re not in touch with your heart. There’s a sad and pathetic side to it.” -Juliette Binoche

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“Guys watch too much porn. Those girls don’t exist. They’re not real girls. And that’s like us watching romance movies. That’s girl porn, because, like, those guys do not exist.” —Miley Cyrus

“I like my porn like my comedy: Done by professionals, women who are at the top of their game. So, I like professional ladies who are enjoying themselves. I’m not an amateur person. I want everybody to look good and be good at their jobs.” —Amy Poehler

“I have no problem with porn … The problem with me is that there’s no regulation industry. The average age now where someone watches their first porn is 11, and that would be fine except to say ‘porn’ is such a broad term, like porn can be anything from like softcore and like mellow to like hardcore, violent, torture porn, which you know … For somebody to learn about sex from porn I think is really dangerous. And I think that happens a lot.” —Rashida Jones

“I look at porn, but I still only trust manual DVD porn purchases.” —Kanye West

“I love porn. I’m all for porn.” —Khloé Kardashian

“If it’s a good sex tape, I’ll watch it. I like some adult stars. I have a couple favorites. But I will say this: That Tommy Lee-Pamela Anderson video wasn’t very good. I wouldn’t fuck Tommy Lee … Guys can masturbate. So why can’t girls? Why is that such a hidden topic from the world?” —Taylor Momsen

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PORN STAR NICOLLE BITTENCOURT FILMED PORN SCENE IN PUBLIC ON OLYMPICS BEACH VENUE IN RIO DE JANEIRO

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Brazilian porn star Nicolle Bittencourt, 27, and Yuri Machado, 33, got completely naked and shot a porn scene on the beach in Rio de Janeiro, in full view of the public, some of whom recorded the scene on their phones and posted it across the Internet. The videos have gone viral, largely across Portuguese-language media. Residents were obviously offended by the choice of location for a few reasons, one being the beach, Recreio dos Bandeirantes, is popular with families. Another is the fact that the beach will also host Olympic 2016 events, including beach volleyball. Nicolle and Yuri shot the scene, filmed by Brazilian director Brad Montana, at 1PM, so not much effort at being discreet. But Brad said: “There were no sunbathers on the beach, much less women and children, and the stretch of road where we made the recording was closed. We also requested permission to film from the owner of a nearby kiosk.” “We chose the area because we thought it would be quiet,” he added. Nicolle spoke out as well, saying, “People have been really rude and offensive. Some have even threatened track me down and harm me. But I was only doing my job.”

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About the film that has been circulating the Internet, Brad said, “Whoever recorded the video of us at work on their cell phones didn’t complain at the time. Everyone who saw us appeared to be enjoying it.” A police spokesperson said, “Investigations are underway and those involved have been called in for questioning to explain what took place and why.”



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MCDONALD’S BLOCKS PORN ON ITS WIFI, TIME TO HEAD TO BURGER KING

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After two years of pressure from advocacy group Enough is Enough, McDonald’s joined Panera Bread, Subway and Chick-fil-A in blocking porn from its free Wi-Fi. “We discovered that corporate America is not aware of how some people use their free Wi-Fi,” said Donna Rice Hughes, the group’s chief executive. But Starbucks is still porn friendly. Enough Is Enough’s campaign includes ending free Wi-Fi access to porn in almost all public places, including shopping malls, restaurants, stadiums, hotel lobbies and airplanes. Donna also wrote to Subway to end its unrestricted Wi-Fi, during the heigh of the Jared Fogel scandal, saying, “Through your current unfiltered internet access, Subway is allowing patrons to view illegal child pornography and even seek opportunities to sexually exploit children or teens.” She added, “None of these scenarios match the family-friendly environment that you have worked so hard to create.” Subway has confirmed that it does not allow porn access, though it is not clear whether it was in response to Donna or the already bad publicity that Jared created.

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While Donna is now an anti-porn crusader, her past is not exactly squeaky clean. In 1988, she had an alleged affair with Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Gary Hart, which ended his White House campaign. Adultery good. Porn bad.



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PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA OFFICIALLY CONFIRMS SHE IS DONE WITH PORN, SHE’S NOW A MILLION TIMES LESS INTERESTING

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Porn star Mia Khalifa, the almost instantly popular Lebanese powerhouse who shot to the number one ranked porn star on Pornhub in only a few months, hasn’t done any porn in a while, so people have speculated that she is “retired,” though Mia has never officially confirmed her retirement, until today. In an article in The Washington Post,, Mia said, she only did porn for three months, and stopped more than a year ago. “I guess it was my rebellious phase,” she said. “It wasn’t really for me. I kind of smartened up and tried to distance myself from that.” So if there was any doubt, Mia said officially she is done. That of course, appears to be in an effort to build a brand for herself in more mainstream media, where the porn image has held her back, she felt. “Honestly, I think the teams try to separate themselves from me because of the reputation of being a former adult actress, which I totally understand and respect,” she said. “But I’m still gonna support them.” She isn’t deterred by the cold shoulder. “I love representing D.C. and their sports teams everywhere I go, and I try to do it as best and as hard as I can.” These days Mia is working a normal job, but maintaining her social media presence so she can continue to rep D.C. “Since I gained a social media platform, I decided right away that I want to bring as much attention to Maryland and D.C. and the DMV area as I can,” Mia said. “I want to promote D.C. sports. I want to promote how amazing Maryland is and how gorgeous D.C. is and how great of a city it is. Because that’s home. Other than Wale, it’s not very well-represented [in certain circles]. So I want to help out with that. I really care about D.C.” We will miss, Mia, and wish her well in her new efforts. Though, we suspect she’ll be back.

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KINK.COM PENS OPEN LETTER TO REPUBLICAN DELEGATES, AND OFFERS FREE PORN

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Kink.com director Maitresse Madeline Marlowe wrote an open letter to Republican Party delegates, entitled, “An Open Letter to the Republican Delegates Voting on the “Porn Menace” Platform”. It is posted on the Kink.com website. In it, Kink.com addresses the fact that “Republican Party platform committee has endorsed a plank declaring ‘porn a public health crisis’ and a ‘menace.’” Madeline fires back that, “While it may not fit with your morals, studies have repeatedly shown that access to adult entertainment is positively correlated with decreases in sex crimes, better performance in bed, and more feminist views of women.” And, that “Porn isn’t harmful, but shame around sexuality is.” Ain’t that God’s truth.

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To help education Republican delegates, Kink.com said, “we want you to have an informed decision. That’s why we’re offering every credentialled Republican delegate free access to our sites from now until November 8.” Free porn! All delegates need to do is provide “proof of your delegate credentials, sent via email,” for which Kink.com promises confidentiality. As a last suggestion, Kink.com recommended “for poor ‘bound’ delegates who are still #NeverTrump … starting with Kink’s Trump-themed primary smash, ‘Make America Gape Again.’ Even the Republicans on our site loved it.” This is probably the only time we’ll say it, but damn, we wish we were Republican delegates.



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COSPLAY GALLERY: RILEY STEELE’S TINKER BELL WILL HAVE YOU BELIEVING IN FAIRY TALES

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Wicked Pictures released Peter Pan XXX back in 2015. It featured porn stars Keira Nicole, Riley Steele, Aiden Ashley, Mia Malkova, Vicki Chase, Ryan Ryder, Steven St. Croix. We never much believed in the resurrection of porn though parodies, but we have since come to find the cosplay an overlooked but exceptionally forward-thinking part of the parody genre. That became more and more apparent as parodies began to focus on superheroes and fairy tales, which have all but become the blockbuster signature of Hollywood feature films. So why not porn as well. Riley Steele played Tinker Bell, who we at first mistook for a Woodland Elf. Cause there are very few things miniature about Riley. Either way, Riley pulled off the perfect fantasy fairy tale cosplay. As Tinker Bell, she’s the perfect petite spinner. Sadly, there’s something too emasculating about role play as Peter Pan. But that doesn’t mean we can believe in and fantasize about Riley in Tinker Bell cosplay.

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sRIL3 sRIL4 sRIL5 sRIL6

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REPUBLICANS SET TO DECLARE PORN “A PUBLIC MENACE,” ONLY TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE POPULAR

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Porn is dying. The industry has taken so many hits over the last decade that it is a wonder porn is still standing. But it is about to get a shot of adrenaline, an endorsement better than had Jesus himself come down and resurrected it himself (well, maybe not better than Jesus). Republicans are about to declare porn a “public menace.” And just when porn was getting repetitive and uninteresting, leave it to Republicans to try to destroy it only to give it more cache. Republican Party delegates adopted an amendment by unanimous vote to include in their draft platform a provision calling pornography “a public health crisis” and a “public menace” that is destroying lives. “Pornography, with his harmful effects … has become a public health crisis that is destroying the life of millions. We encourage states to continue to fight this public menace and pledge our commitment to children’s safety and wellbeing,” the amendment stated. Like the War on Drugs launched by Ronald Reagan and his band of Republican misfits, a War on Porn will just make porn that much stronger. Their biggest problem clearly is not Donald Trump.

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FRENCH CABLE PROVIDER HAS RACY AND FUNNY ADS PROMOTING THEIR PORN

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Cable provider Canal+ claims to have the best porn in France. “All for the sake of our pleasure, CANAL+ has gathered the best of porn, including Dorcel TV, XXL, Penthouse on its X platform which is loaded with quality productions and a large selection of premium content. In other words, for the French audience, the best of X has gone to CANAL+ leaving the rest a bit.. empty handed..” To showcase its porn credentials over that of rival networks, Canal+ has launched a NSFW advertising campaign, with the theme, “Sorry, the best of porn has gone to Canal.” It features porn scenes, with real porn stars but with one porn star missing, to demonstrate the quality of the other networks. It’s actually kind of funny to watch. Canal+ said, “Playing with the caricatures of porn, in terms of music, decor and style, the films star real porn actors. Even though they seem to be enjoying the sultry scenes, it’s hardly A-list stuff – but hey, how could it be when the premium porn has gone to CANAL+?” Here are a few videos of the commercials. We can’t exactly endorse their porn catalog, and since its in France few of you are likely to be able to watch it anyway, but the commercials were good.

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NEW TECHNOLOGY MAKES IT EASY TO LOOK AT PORN IN PUBLIC ON YOUR SMART PHONE

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All you want to do is check porn on Twitter or Snapchat, or just porn porn. But you’re on the subway, you’re in the office, you are somewhere where watching porn just isn’t Kosher. So what do you do? You risk being labelled a pervert or, check this out. Some Turkish guy, who apparently really loves porn, has a new technology that allows you to watch without anyone else seeing (hearing is another issue). Celal Göger, a mobile phone repairman from Bismil, Turkey, created an app that turns your phone screen white to the naked eye, but the content on the screen is still viewable through special glasses. Turkish news outlet Hurriyet reported on the technology, saying, “Göger installed a modified chip between the smartphone’s RAM and processor chip that was programmed to turn the display white. He then installed a correlating chip into a pair of smart glasses that connects to the phone via Bluetooth and turns the screen readable to the wearer, simply by pressing a button.” Celal said it took about four months to develop and could be used to hide content on a tablet, computer or even a television screen. He added, “Production is very cheap. Currently, the glasses would cost $3 (£2). It is $4 in total with the software I have installed on the phone.” He is now hoping to get a patent on his device. He anticipates that an end-product could be sold for as little as $10 including the Bluetooth system used to power the device. So now you can watch in peace, just turn down the volume.

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PORN IS STILL “MORALLY UNACCEPTABLE” IN AMERICA, BUT STILL WINNING

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According to a new poll by the Gallup organization, Americans find pornography “morally unacceptable” by a two-to-one margin, as 61% of Americans say porn is morally unacceptable, to 34% who say it is acceptable. We find this interesting, because, while the Gallop poll did not explain this issue, we wonder how many of those 61% who find it “morally unacceptable” also find themselves morally watching it. But the upside is that porn is making a moral move in its acceptable numbers. Gallup has tracked moral trends for several years, and sex trends on on the rise. Homosexuality has made the biggest gains, as 40% found it morally acceptable in 2001, and 60% do today. Teen sex was only had 32% acceptability in 2013, with 37% finding it morally acceptable today. And porn, porn was at 31% in 2011 and has risen to 34% today. The poll did reveal several gaps. A gender gap: while the majority of both men and women disapprove of pornography morally, men approve 43% as compared to only 25% of women. There is also a big political gap. Twice as many Democrats (46%) approve of pornography as do Republicans (22%). Sometimes progress can be slow.

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PORN STAR ESPERANZA GOMEZ IS SAFE, THANK GOD, BUT PROBABLY SHOULDN’T KINK AND DRIVE AGAIN

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The porn world would have suffered a huge (and by huge we mean busty) loss had porn star Esperanza Gomez not survived a recent car accident. But thank the porn gods, she is safe. Somebody up there must love her porn and hopes she lives to do more scenes. The 33-year-old Colombian porn star recently revealed that she drove her car into a ditch, but came out unharmed. She tweeted, “I just came off the road, this happens to me for going around having erotic dreams, jejejejeje. Thank God I am safe and sound. I want to give peace to all those who love me and worry about me. So let’s carry on enjoying life with more zest and love than ever. I love you all.” Erotic dreams…sounds suspect. We’re thinking more likely an erotic encounter behind the wheel.

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PORNHUB IS OFFERING PORN FOR THE BLIND

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Described Video porn is Pornhub’s newest philanthropic effort, porn for the blind, or more politically correct, “visually impaired.” Because, as we all know, that is exactly what blind people want in the world, their fair opportunity to masturbate to a full catalog of free porn just like everyone else. That’s why Pornhub Cares, the actual name of their philanthropic arm. “Each video includes special narration that has been tailored and crafted to give the user full enjoyment of the scene,” Pornhub said. “The original audio remains intact but will act as an underscore to the scene,” Pornhub added. The audio descriptions apparently go into detail about what the porn stars are doing, what they’re wearing, where they are and how shots are edited. Pornhub is launching 50 videos, from it’s most viewed videos, and the voiceovers are recorded by professional voice actors and Pornhub Aria. Pornhub is planning to add more videos in the future and is encouraging users to make and upload similar videos, saying “Our Described Video campaign seeks to help institute a larger dialogue within Pornhub’s community with regards to how we can not only better serve the visually impaired, but to also understand how to make the site accessible to all. Each video includes special narration that has been tailored and crafted to give the user full enjoyment of the scene and includes descriptions of the models, their actions, position changes, outfits, and settings—the original audio remains intact but will act as an underscore to the scene.”

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In a YouTube demo, the audio description says, “The video begins with a small Latina with dirty blonde hair, lying face down on a massage table with nothing but a small towel covering her ass…” We know how this ends already. But now blind people can enjoy too.





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NEVADA SENATE CANDIDATE LINKS OPPONENT TO HENTAI PORN

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Politics is known for mudslinging. Nevada Tea Party senate Sharon Angle is now pornslinging, hentai porn to be exact. In her recent online newsletter to her supporters, Sharon invited her followers to take a closer look at her opponent, Representative Joe Heck at joeheck.com. But the URL redirected them Hentai porn site Cartoonsex.com. Sharron’s people are calling it a harmless accident. Joe’s campaign manager said the redirect wasn’t an accident or an unrelated prank. In an interview with The Las Vegas Review-Journal, he described it as “the latest, ridiculous, dirty trick” in a series of smear attempts by Sharron. We too are having trouble understanding how the HTML link went from joeheck.com to www.cartoonsex.com. They’re not even remotely close. And why Hentai porn? Cause we think that makes Joe look much more sophisticated than if Sharron’s minions had linked him to cuckold porn, as one example. The accident has since been corrected. But Joe ain’t in a forgive and forget mood. We suggest he link Sharron with www.grannypornpics.com. Now that’s political pornslinging….

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EMPLOYEES ARE CHECKING THE WEATHER MORE THAN PORN AT WORK

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For everyone that believes there is a porn epidemic, we’re talking to you Utah, well, a new survey from CareerBuilder suggests there isn’t need to worry about porn at work at least. According to the survey, employers believe smartphones are the number one reason for less worker productivity, with nearly 20% of bosses believe workers put in less than five hours a day of actual work. (That’s probably about right…) About 80% of employees own smartphones and 70% keep them “within eye contact” at work, the survey found. Respondents were surveyed between February and March 2016 and included more than 3,000 private workers and more than 2,000 managers. But much to our chagrin, the biggest distraction is not porn. Personal messages, weather, news and games, all come well before porn. Porn only accounts for 4% of the time employees are wasting away at work. We would have guessed higher, much higher.

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HENTAI PORN, CAUSE IT’S THE SOPHISTICATED PORN

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We are exploring Hentai more, cause it’s supposed to be more sophisticated porn for people with class (something we’re working on). Maybe. It’s mostly censored. So, strike one. We do not like censorship. And, what’s the point of watching porn but for seeing the adult parts? But if you can watch porn and impress your partner at the same time with your knowledge of Japanese culture and Hentai, then we gotta say, Hentai sounds like win-win.

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