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PORNHUB WANTS YOU TO SAVE HELP SAVE THE PANDAS BY CREATING COSPLAY PANDA PORN

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Pornhub.com is on a mission to help save the pandas with porn. Here’s the problem, according to Pornhub: “Giant pandas are one of the world’s most vulnerable populations and currently on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species, the world’s most comprehensive inventory of global conservation status of plant and animal species. The main reason stems from male pandas’ reluctance to fornicate. Male pandas spend an average of 16 hours a day eating and generally sleep for the rest of it. Female pandas – who are sexually receptive only two or three days each year – have a very slim chance of mating with males because of their inactivity.”

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Here’s the solution, according to Pornhub: “To get pandas in the mood again, scientists and zookeepers have resorted to various methods to encourage fornication, including using ‘panda porn’ that helps to increase these cuddly little tumblers’ sexual appetite. However, there aren’t many videos readily available and most of them are of poor quality. Pornhub is inviting its viewers to film their own ‘panda porn’ that zookeepers can show pandas to encourage them to get it on. Those who are interested simply need to slip into a panda costume, or use black and white body paint, and get it on…panda style. Fans are encouraged to upload their videos to Pornhub’s new ‘Panda Style’ category with the intention that scientists can use it as a resource for their panda breeding efforts.”

For every “Panda Style” upload, Pornhub offered to donate $100 to panda preservation charities (through the end of yesterday, which was National Panda Day (March 16)), and make additional donations to those videos that racked up the most views. You can check some of the uploads here.

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PORNHUB IS OFFERING TO BLOW THE ENTIRE CITY OF BOSTON, SNOW BLOW THAT IS

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Storm Stella has wreaked havoc on the Eastern seaboard, dumping tons of snow along the way. And Pornhub is answering the call for help. It is offering snow plow services with a fleet of over 24 plows in Boston and Monmouth County, New Jersey. “After hearing about the severeness of Stella, we thought we’d help our PornHub community in the East Coast get plowed, safely,” the company’s vice president, Corey Price, said. “We wanted to send our crew out in areas that typically get hit hard, in and around Boston and New Jersey, so our fans can go about their day without worry. They are important to us and we hope to plow other states in need.” Requests for a plowing are being accepted via email at phubplows@gmail.com, but they are not plowing individual driveways, only streets, parking lots and small business lots. Pornhub, apparently, wants to keep individuals inside rocking their servers in search for porn.

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MARINES ARE STILL SHARING NUDE PICTURES OF FEMALE MARINES

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The Marine Corps is now figuring out that the now deleted Facebook page Marines United, where over 30,000 members posted pictures of nude female Marines, isn’t the only game in town. The investigation that rocked the Marine Corps is spreading not to other websites but also other branches of service. Marine officials said they have received reports of at least a half dozen other similar sites. James LaPorta, a former Marine who is now a journalist, said Marines United is spreading like a cancer to other chat groups, like message board website Anon-IB. Some former Marines United members are said to have migrated to a new private Facebook group called Marines United 2.0. Others have taken to Pornhub.com. According to veterans’ news site Task & Purpose, members are posting from their personal Facebook accounts and are not only reconstructing the original collection of nude photos from the original Marines United on a new DropBox folder, but are also posting on porn sites.

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Some jarheads really are jarheads. One wrote on the new Facebook page, “It would be hilarious if one of these FBI or [Naval Criminal Investigative Service] fucks found their wife on here.” Another wrote: “They can investigate all they want. It’s not illegal to share nudes lol.” One of the Marines United members who allegedly posted the link to the explicit photos cache said on the new page, “My dad just asked if I was a part of the group Marines United. He just saw all the hubbub on the interwebs about the ‘scandal’ going on. Statements made by the media, ‘The group was shut down with hours,’ and ‘The pictures have been removed,'” adding, “bwahahahahahaha. Not nearly boys!” The new group is said to have settings to filter out “blue falcons,” a Marine term for snitches.

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COUPLES DRAMATICALLY DROP OFF OF PORHUB AT 9PM, THE LONELY LOOK FOR LOVE AND ROMANCE PORN ON VALENTINE’S DAY

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According to Pornhub.com, men and women (we are assuming couples) start dropping like flies from the website at 9PM on Valentine’s Day, representing a 17% drop off of average traffic. That’s the witching hour for couples looking to get a little Valentine’s Day nookie, when “love” or hormone seems to be the strongest and the chances for getting a blowjob the highest, that is, if you bought flowers and candy. But for the poor saps that have nothing but a pocket pussy or a big black dildo to comfort them on Valentine’s Day, they are still believers, in love and all that, and increasingly searching for porn with terms like “love,” “passionate” and “romance.” Strangely, “rough sex” and “babysitter” also see a spike on Valentine’s Day, but we could think of stranger. Babysitter sort of makes sense, cause you’d think the guy in any couple with kids, is thinking of getting back and banging the hot babysitter. But funny enough, babysitter searches increased more for women than men on Valentine’s Day, 34% to 13% respectively. So fact is, it’s likely the woman thinking about bisexual pussy scissoring with the hot babysitter (the guy likely just thinking of watching). Happy Valentine’s Day…

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RUSSIA BLOCKS BRAZZERS, AFTER BLOCKING PORNHUB, BUT THEY LET YOUPORN BACK

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If you are looking for porn in Russia, you have one less option, as Brazzers was just blocked by Russian officials. A Russian court recently determined that Brazzers’ content has “a negative influence on the human psyche; [it] violates citizens’ rights and impacts the psychological development of children as well.” According to reports of the decision, the official charge of a Samara region district court’s full verdict was that Brazzers’ domain was not registered appropriately and so it has not been properly reviewed for safe use, whatever that means. A local prosecutor brought the case against Brazzers in the “interests of the Russian Federation”, citing “minors and young people” in need of protection. This is not the first time that Russia has blocked a major player in the porn market. In September, Russia’s Internet and communications police, Roskomnadzor, put PornHub and its sister site, YouPorn, on the blocked list. Now, of course Brazzer’s is trending on Twitter in Russia. Russians apparently love their porn. But they can take some solice in the fact that Roskomnadzor also announcemed on Tuesday that YouPorn will be unblocked. Brazzers tweeted, “Disappointed to hear that on such cold winter nights the good citizens of Russia have been denied the warm embrace of Brazzers entertainment.” If only we could send them Donald Trump, he would “Make Russian Great Again,” and bring back Pornhub and Brazzers.

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IN 2016, THE WORLD WATCHED 524,641 YEARS OF PORN ON PORNHUB, MOSTLY OF PORN STAR LISA ANN

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The world watched a lot of porn on Pornhub.com in 2016. The numbers are staggering. Take this one, for example, the world watched 524,641 years of porn. People viewed 91,980,225,000 porn vides on Pornhub. That is 12.5 videos for every man, woman and child on the planet. Now clearly some people were watching more than their fair share. But it is now undeniable that the world is addicted to porn. The most viewed categories were of course the usual suspects: Lesbian, Teen, Ebony, MILF, Anal, Big Dick, Hentai, Big Tits, Threesome, Mature, Babe, Female Friendly, Japanese, Amateur, Ass, Squirt, Shemale, Babysitter, Creampie, and Cartoon. And even though she is retired, Lisa Ann is still the reigning porn queen, as the most searched porn actress in the world. She is followed by Mia Khalifa (also retired last year), Kim Kardashian, Riley Reid, Sunny Leone, Brandi Love, Asa Akira, Madison Ivy, Alexis Texas, Dillion Harper, Mia Malkova, August Ames, Nicole Aniston, Sasha Grey, Sara Jay, Dani Daniels, Christy Mack, Piper Perri, Ava Addams and Rachel Starr. But 2017 is a new year. Though it seems clear that we will waste over a half million years of life just watching porn. If that effort was put to something just a little more useful, we might already be living on Jupiter.

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THE CHRISTMAS PORN STATS ARE OUT, AND SANTA AND MRS CLAUS ARE IN DEMAND

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By now Pornhub.com has made clear that with every holiday there is a surge in porn searches related to the holiday. And Christmas is no different. According to Pornhub, “While ‘Christmas’ is the most popular seasonal search, ‘Santa’ tops the list of related terms, increasing 447% compared to it’s average level.” Other Christmas favorites like “christmas creampie,” “christmas blowjob,” “black santa” and “dick in a box” made the list. The more interesting result was the contrast between men and women. Overall, according to Pornhub, “Men are 34% more likely to search for Christmas related terms compared to women.” When it came to specifics, women were 220% more likely to search for “old santa claus” compared to men, and had a tendency to search for St. Nick terms like “santa claus”, “santa” and “santa blowjob”. Men, on the other hand, were 313% more likely to search for “Christmas POV” compared to women, and have more maternal related searches like “Christmas MILF”, “Christmas Mom”, and “Mrs Claus.” “Christmas Anal” was also on the list for men, but not for women. But women went for more related group activity than men, like “christmas gangbang” and “christmas orgy.” At least, we know that everyone seems to be in the holiday spirit.

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THANK FIDEL CASTRO DYING FOR AN INCREASE IN CUBAN PORN SEARCHES

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Former Cuban president or dictator (depending on your political view) Fidel Castro died on November 25, 2016 at the age of 90. He ruled over Cuba for 47 years. It made international news. And whenever there is an increase in news coverage there is an increase in porn searches. As you might expect, there was a significant increase in Cuban porn searches on Pornhub.com. Searches for “Cuba” or “Cuban” doubled in the wake of news coverage. The most popular Cuban related searches were “cuban maid” followed by “Cuban”, “Cubana” and “big booty Cuban”. “big ass cuban” and “cuban ass” were also top among searches. That certainly helped Cuban porn stars, like Angelina Castro, Luna Star and Diamond Kitty. We found 47 Cuban porn stars on Freeones.com. Our favorite no doubt is Luna. Viva Luna Star!

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WHAT WOMEN WANT IS LESBIAN PORN

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Pornhub Insights tell us a lot about who we are. Today, we look at who women are. And the women who look at porn, appear to be mostly lesbians, or at least women interested in lesbian porn. Pornhub found, among its vast porn statistics, that among women, “lesbian” was their number one favorite search term. That is especially true for women in North America. Women in North America are 186% more likely to search for lesbian porn compared to men. Women in North American are 63% more likely to search for lesbian porn than women elsewhere in the world. The most popular lesbian related searches by women include “lesbians scissoring,” “lesbian seduces straight girl,” “lesbian strap on” and “ebony lesbians.” In fact, women are proportionately 695% more likely to search for “lesbians scissoring” than men, and 906% more likely to search for “ebony lesbians eating pussy” than men. That may be because Pornhub also found that women searching for lesbian porn are more concentrated in the South and in the Midwest in the United States, areas with heavy concentrations of black women. In Canada, lesbian porn is most popular with women on the East Coast in provinces like New Brunswick, Newfoundland and Nova Scotia. But who knows why the fuck that is, cause…Canada.

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TRUMP FAMILY PORN SEARCHES SURGED ON PORNHUB, WITH TIFFANY TRUMP LEADING MELANIA AND IVANKA

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The day after the election, the world got thirsty for Trump family porn, with Tiffany Trump dramatically leading the pack in terms of search increases. According to Pornhub, “As the day progressed, searches for ‘Donald Trump’ increased +874% on Pornhub. Searches for other members of the soon-to-be “first family” skyrocketed as well. Current wife “Melania Trump” was searched +1538% more, daughters ‘Ivanka Trump’ +1169% and ‘Tiffany Trump’ +2548% more than their average levels. Together, they accounted for nearly 250,000 Pornhub searches on November 9th, and have remained higher than normal in the days that have followed.” While things returned to normal for other members of the Trump family in terms of porn searches, as of November 15, searches for Tiffany remain strong. “Tiffany is now a trending search on Pornhub, up +9128% based on her previous averages,” Pornhub said as of November 15, 2016. Donald is still the porn patriarch of his family, as his porn searches remain much higher than Tiffany, based on “raw search volume, mostly due to the large number of porn parodies produced in his honor.” This is the bold new, great American Trump has ushered in.

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NO BIG SURPRISES FOR HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE IS SEARCHING FOR HARLEY QUINN PORN

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Pornhub offered some Halloween insights, from its treasure trove of porn statistics. One was obvious: Everyone and their mom is searching for Harley Quinn porn. Duh! But when broken down by gender, women are 116% more likely to look for a “Captain America,” followed by clown, Spiderman and vampire (and then snow white, cause, well, lesbians like porn too). Men, on the other hand, are 170% more likely to search for “batgirl,” then black widow, cat and witch. So hopefully you still have time to go back and exchange that Pee Wee Herman costume, which did not make the list this year. In terms of overall search growth during the Halloween time period, of course “costume fantasy” was up 4169%, followed by a 3474% increase in searches for “slutty halloween”. We have no idea why “fucking a pumpkin” increased 1540%, but we have a good idea — and it is a bad idea. But we know that won’t stop most of you. Happy Halloween.

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PIZZA PORN STILL A STAPLE OF PORN SEARCHING

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October is officially “Pizza Appreciation Month.” So naturally, pizza porn is on the rise, but only with a recent spike in the last couple months. Historically, pizza porn has been stable. Since 2013, the popularity of pizza porn has remained relatively the same. According to Pornhub, pizza searches have grown only 9% since early 2013. But the recent spike in searches likely caused by ads promoting a new pizza delivery video, Pornhub said. They also noted a few interesting pizza porn trends. First, “The number one pizza porn loving nation is Romania, followed by South Korea, India and Portugal. The United States is 43rd worldwide when it comes to the popularity of pizza searches.” Second, “the most searched for pornstar names combined with ‘pizza’ are ‘Riley Reid,’ ‘Sara Jay’ and ‘Jenni Lee,'” in the top three, followed by Madison Ivy, Ava Devine, Kendra Sunderland, Angelina Valentine and Eva Angelina. Age is a dramatic factor in pizza porn searches. “Men are 23% more likely to search for pizza porn when compared to women. People in the 18 to 24 age group are proportionately 18% more likely to search for pizza porn when compared to all other age groups,” Pornhub said. What kind of pizza porn are people search for? Well, the most popular is “pizza delivery” followed by “big sausage pizza” and “pizza boy.” Somehow “pizza cum” and “pizza that ass” also made the list. Interesting…

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PORNHUB OFFERS OLE MISS QB CHAD KELLY A PORN STAR CONSOLATION, CAUSE MIA KHALIFA DIDN’T BITE

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University of Mississippi quarterback Chad Kelly has made himself a national joke, after having tried twice to hit up (former) porn star Mia Khalifa in her DM, and getting publicly rejected and humiliated by Mia. And now Pornhub has gotten in on the game, offering to give Chad dating lessons with a porn star. In an open letter to Chad, Pornhub said, “we wanted to intervene and offer our assistance before you strike out for a third consecutive time,” offering “an opportunity to go on a date with a porn star and learn how to best pick up women. Think of PornHub as your dating coach. We can arrange a lovely dinner with one of our beautiful porn stars and she can show you the ropes. You can try various pickup lines on her, see which ones work, which ones fall flat. She can offer guidance and break down the X’s and O’s of dating so you’re best equipped for further situations.” Porhub was kind enough to leave the offer open indefinitely, saying “the offer will remain beyond your graduation,” so Chad does not run afoul of NCAA rules. While it might seem humiliating at the moment, we say, Chad you’ve hit the jackpot, buddy. Cause this is the closest you’re getting to sliding into Mia’s DMs.

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KILLER CLOWN MANIA SEES RISE IN CLOWN PORN, AND A RISE IN SEXUAL ASSAULT FEARS

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So the killer clown craze is sweeping the nation, and in some cases, the world. People are dressing up as scary clowns and scaring the shit out of people. Mostly, it is harmless pranks. But it has started to get out of control. And people are suggesting that there may be real concerns that as some have suggested, there is an increase in clown porn on Pornhub, and there may be an increase in killer clown sexual assault. It is a leap, no doubt. But not exactly a far one. The Daily Star Online reported an increase from an escort agency of people asking for escorts to dress as clowns. An anonymous madam said, “I’ve had guys asking for girls to dress as clowns and guys asking if they can be dressed as clowns during meetings. My answer is ‘no’ on both scores. This kind of fetish is a little beyond the wearing of a sexy uniform of some description. In my experience – 30 years running an agency – guys who want this kind of service are trouble and possibly even dangerous.” So far, there are no reports of clown sexual assaults, but with Halloween around the corner, people are getting anxious.

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THE UNCENSORED VERSION OF PORNHUB’S LUBSLIDE

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Yesterday, we brought you the YouTube friendly version of Pornhub’s Lubeslide video. Today, we have the uncensored version from Pornhub directly. It is full of naked porn stars soaking in Pornhub lube. You can’t get much of a better endorsement than that.

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FUCK A WATERSLIDE, PORNHUB’S GOT THE WORLD’S LARGEST LUBESLIDE

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You might feel sticky after, but Pornhub just released video of its newest achievement, the World’s Largest Lubeslide. The Guinness Book of World Records hasn’t confirmed it, but it is a pretty big slide. And who would think to lube up their waterslide? Pornhub made a video, to promote their lubricants brands. We excuse the shameless self-promotion, because we like the concept. Pornhub invited porn stars Alix Lynx,Cherie Deville, Peta Jensen, Abigail Mac, Raven Bay, Rachel Roxxx, Alexis Fawx, Alex Grey and Blake Eden to break in the new lubeslide. Keep in mind though it is YouTube safe.

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