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KENDRA SUNDERLAND’S PUSSY NOW IN THE FLESHLIGHT FOLD

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Porn star Kendra Sunderland has joined an exclusive group of porn stars to have their pussy modeled into a sex toy for thousands of men to pretend they are sticking their dicks into as if it were real, and they were actually fucking that porn star, in this case, Kendra. Kendra’s now part of the Fleshlight team. “I cannot believe how realistic this is,” she said after seeing her Fleshlight. “Whoa this is unbelievable. I am honored to be a part of such an elite group of girls. Not everyone gets a Fleshlight, I know that, and I am proud to represent the brand and bring pleasure to my fans. I am grateful to Greg Lansky, Fleshlight and the Vixen team for this.” Fleshlight advertises Kendra’s toy by saying, “Angels are spiritual beings created by a higher power. Kendra will help ascend you to a heavenly climax with her transcendent sensation. Featuring multiple layers of spiral-shaped pleasure halos to make you rise up and meet your creator.” So if sticking your dick into a toy is what gets you hard, now you can do it to one in the shape of Kendra.

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CRYOFREEZE YOUR DICK OR PUSSY, IT’S THE NEW TREND

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Freezing your dick and pussy is what’s new. It is a new service offered by Cryotherapy UK, which they are calling the “Love Mist.” It is for both men and women, administered by trained professionals (meaning, don’t try to freeze your ball sack at home). It is supposed to boost endorphin levels and sex drive, and enhance appearance. According to Cryotherpay, getting your nuts blasted improves sex drives because “when the sub-zero temperature covers the skin, the sudden drop in heat stimulates the temperature receptors”. It causes the blood vessels to undergo “vasoconstriction,” producing quicker blood flow and increased endorphin levels, and a natural high. As to appearance, the company said, “While the skin continues to feel the ‘freeze’ the body sends signals back and forth to the brain. These messengers tell the brain if there is damage to the tissues, to repair them.” Cryotherapy added, “It’s this that along with the instant endorphin level energy boost and natural high, generates a tighter, youthful, clear and vibrant genital skin appearance through boosting collagen.” As to the process, a trained professional hits your dick or pussy with a -160 degree vapour blast from a liquid nitrogen tank. The nitrogen is filtered and distributed through a funnel. It is a 30-minute treatment, and costs £50 (or $62).

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DONALD TRUMP VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS THAT ARE SO WRONG BUT FEEL SO RIGHT

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Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. If you haven’t figured out the right way to tell someone how much you love them, perhaps president Donald Trump can help. Valentine’s Day cards featuring parodies of some of the president’s most famous lines from his unconventional campaign have been circulating the Internet. Here is a sample of some of the best from a collection we found. You know there had to be a pussy one. (We do not advise you to give this to someone, unless you are both die-hard Trump fans and you get a hard on or lady wood at just the sight of the man. But it’s a free country, right? Well, not if your an immigrant, Muslim, or a woman not willing to have her pussy grabbed at random by celebrities (but what woman doesn’t want that?))

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SORAJA VUCELIC BARE ASS BENDING OVER AND SLIGHTLY NOTICEABLE PUSSY

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Soraja Vucelic, 28, is a former Serbian Playboy Playmate, and Playmate of The Year in 2011. She is supposedly currently studying psychology in Belgrade, and dating Cengiz Siklaroglu, the CEO of Turkish defence company Silahsan Holding. She is also still modeling. She recently released pictures of her bare ass bending over and reaching into a Mercedes, in Serbia. So old habits die hard.

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SUBSTITUTE TEACHER LACEY SPONSLER DOES COMMANDO CARTWHEEL IN CHOIR CLASS, EXPOSES HER PUSSY TO ALL HER HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS

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Lacey Sponsler, 34, was a substitute teacher at Pawhuska High School in Pawhuska, Oklahoma. That is until she tried “just dancing with the students” and “trying to be a cool teacher,” by doing a cartwheel without wearing panties (going commando) and exposing her pussy to her entire class. According to police, she performed a cartwheel in a high school choir class “with no under garments on.” She was wearing a long dress, but no underwear, “which caused her to expose herself to the students in this class,” police claim. “This act was captured by a student on their cell phone,” said Police Chief Scott Laird. Lacey performed her indecent exposure in the “Junior High Choir room,” where he dress was “flipped up,” exposing her ass to the class, and an officer who reviewed the student video added, “I further noticed that the Defendant was not wearing any type of underwear.” The student snitch told Police that Lacey “had said that she was not wearing underwear before performing the cartwheel,” which exposed her “bare vagina.” The student said that she saw Lacey’s “vagina open and close, as her legs were in the air.” The snitch also said that Lacey “had been talking about using drugs” and commented on how she “thought fourteen year old boys were like men.” While Lacey initially denied it, when confronted with the video, she started to remember her performance, but said she “did not remember performing a cartwheel or exposing her vagina and buttocks.” And the teacher of the year award…does not go to Lacey Sponsler (pictured below left, the .gif is just a close approximation).

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50 CENT CONCERNED OVER STRIPPER WHO LIGHTS SPARKLER DANGLING FROM HER PUSSY, THROWS A FEW DOLLARS

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Rapper 50 Cent is a man who cares about women. He was somewhere in Philadelphia with a stripper naked on the floor with a lit sparkler dangling from her pussy. Someone of course captured the moment, which he promptly posted onto Instagram, saying, “When i saw this in Philly i said damn, what is going on? Oh no she is gonna burn it off. Lol look at my face.” And then he promptly followed up with, “The shit scared me, I started thinking is there any insurance or coverage for this. LMAO SMH baby you fuck that up its over.” This was interesting for two reasons. One, how 50 Cent got some stripper’s bare pussy, with a lit sparkler dangling from it no less, on Instagram is a pure fucking mystery. And two, last we heard 50 Cent didn’t have a cent to his name. So where did all the dollars beneath her pussy come from?

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HERE’S THAT CLOSER LOOK AT MARNIE SIMPSON’S PUSSY YOU’VE BEEN ASKING FOR, COURTESY OF MARNIE SIMPSON

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British reality celebrity Marnie Simpson, 25, went without panties in a sheer dress to the British National Television Awards. But Marnie knew exactly what she was doing, it was no wardrobe malfunction. She had a small black strip to cover just enough of her clitoris so you could see down pretty far, but not all the way to her goodie box. Marnie seemed quite pleased to show her goodies on the red carpet.

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JENNA JAMESON OUTS BILL MAHER AS A PUSSY GRABBER TOO

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By now you all know that our current president once said, as a celebrity, you can do anything to women, you can “grab ’em by the pussy,” whatever. It has sparked a lot of pussy protesters. Pussy has now become a powerful political term. Bill Maher decided to talk about our president for his pussy comments. But that turned out to be a bad idea, because he then got outed by porn star Jenna Jameson. Jenna said, “Just watched @billmaher for shits and giggles. You rail Trump about his grabbing pussy statement? lol I’ve seen you at the PB mansion,”, “Lol trust in fact, I saw his behavior… he fits right in with us ‘pussy grabbers,'” and “My point is that he can’t be shocked at Trumps comments many years ago, when he is truly the deplorable one.” Damn, looks like Jenna’s got Bill by the pussy.

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RITA ORA NO PANTIES PUSSY UPSKIRT

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Everyone’s looking at Rita Ora’s pussy today, after she was caught with her panties down and bending over, for the perfect upskirt from behind, if you’re into that sort of thing and you liked Rita Ora (or at least Rita Ora’s pussy, and even if you didn’t “like” it, you still probably looked, because, pussy). She was on the streets of Rome filming for her new movie Wonderwell. Rita bent over to pull up her thigh-high boots, after getting out of a car, and her faux fur outfit rose up, putting her ass on full display. All of Rome and the rest of the world got a full view. And, on another note, Rita recently hit 11 million followers on Instagram, so there’s that too.

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WEEKEND EDITION: MADONNA URGES TRUMP PROTESTS WITH PICTURE OF NIKE’S “JUST DO IT” SWOOSH SHAVED INTO PUBES ON INSTAGRAM AND TWITTER

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It is not clear whether Madonna shaved a Nike swoosh into her pubic hair in the picture she posted to both her Instagram and Twitter accounts, saying, “Yasssssssss! Just Do it! @nakid_magazine 1 Million Women’s March!! Be There!! Washington D.C. Jan. 21,” referring to the anti-Trump women’s march in Washington, D.C., on January 21. She credited Marius Sperlich as the photographer of the picture set to appear in next month’s issue of Nekid magazine, presumably when we’ll know more about the pussy in question. Piers Morgan said “I just threw up my breakfast. Literally,” cause it seems the prospect of Madonna’s pussy was too much for his British sensibilities. Ann Coulter commented on Twitter, “Madonna vagina tattoo to protest Trump is not as silly as you think. More people will see that than CNN & MSNBC combined.” We agree. Using your pussy as a billboard does have a way of attracting more attention.

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PARIS HILTON TAKING HER PUSSY OUT FOR A WALK ON THE BEACH

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Paris Hilton, 35, was on the beach in a maxi dress, say news reports, when along came a gust a wind, and you know how this story goes. Paris either wasn’t wearing any panties or as it appears, whatever cover she was wearing was adjusted to the side, and end result, Paris’ pussy is now splashed all over the Blogosphere. Having seen much more compromising video and pictures of Paris, this new “wardrobe malfunction” of a much older Paris, isn’t all that scintillating. And since you have to squint or blow up the picture quite a bit to see much, and even then it isn’t much, we can’t call this all that earth shattering. But it is another look at Paris’ pussy on a relatively boring Friday. What else have you got to do? Perhaps it can serve as good office masturbation material. Perhaps.

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JLO CAMELTOE IS OUR FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND

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Jennifer Lopez is only a few years off of 50, she’s 47, but still somehow news. Younger starlets and models may try, but still few have drawn as much attention as Jennifer for their ass. Jenny did make it a trend. While speculation swirls about JLO and Drake, and why the fuck Drake would be interested, Jennifer was recently out and about shopping in Beverly Hills. And surprisingly her ass was not the center of the story. JLo wore yoga pants and we all got a super dose of JLo cameltoe. And big ass booty too. We end this weekend on this high note, JLo cameltoe, which will keep us amused all weekend. We have simple needs.

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LAUREN BROWN NAKED FRUIT

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We have been looking for more about this shoot with Lauren Brown. We couldn’t any. But we couldn’t resist a woman who poses nude with fruit. We have been staring at Lauren naked trying to figure out the meaning behind squeezing a grapefruit over your tits and holding a cut open papaya over your pussy. Yes, the shape of the papaya mimics the shape of a vagina, but all the seeds look like an STD. So we didn’t exactly get it.

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ROMEE STRIJD VICTORIA’S SECRET

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Victoria’s Secret had Dutch blonde fashion model and Angel Romee Strijd, 21, in Islamorada, shooting lingerie. She also posted from pictures from her time in Florida to her Instagram page. What has been driving the Blogosphere crazy hasn’t been the sexy lingerie, but of course the deep ass (and we mean deep) cameltoe show Romee put on in a few of the pictures. Coming from an experienced fashion and lingerie model — she’s been an Angel since 2015 — and a photographer team, we have to believe this deep inside Romee look was on purpose, to give the shoot a little more kink and attention. As always, we’re game.

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MELISSA LORI HOT PINK YOGA PANTS AND LEGS SPREAD EAGLE CAMELTOE

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Melissa Lori, 26, demonstrated exactly why men love yoga pants, because they accentuate every part of the female body that men love. As a nude model, who has appeared in Playboy, among other adult nude roles in pictures and film, there are few men that haven’t seen every part of Melissa’s body. But she gives a sexy but short of explicit recap of her ass and pussy, covered only by tight pink yoga pants.

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CHISSY TEIGEN’S DRESS CUT JUST A BIT TOO HIGH, AND EXPOSED HER PUSSY AT THE AMAS

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Chrissy Teigen was just among a long list of celebrities ready to parade their vagina in front of the red carpet the American Music Awards. Though, we will say, Chrissy did it with some style, in black Yousef Akbar gown, with splits up to her ribcage. With splits that high, you know something is bound to pop up. Now, the design did have gold safety pins, intended to keep Chrissy’s pussy under wraps. But that rarely even happens. It’s a breeze, it’s a wardrobe malfunction, let’s be honest, it’s indecent exposure. Chrissy’s pussy got out. And social media had things to say, criticizing Chrissy as “unladylike” (the kinder version of “whore”). Chrissy took it in stride, and going with the play on words, responded, “I am pretty sure you could clearly see I’m a lady.” And, yes, you could. She later apologized-sh, offering on Instagram her “apologies to anyone harmed mentally or physically by my hooha” while also letting everyone know her “laser hair removal is @sevlaseraesthetics,” just in case you wanted a smooth pussy just like Chrissy.

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