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PORNHUB ADVERTISING CORY CHASE PORN VIDEO LIKED BY TED CRUZ, USING TED CRUZ

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Texas Senator Ted Cruz liked porn star Cory Chase’s porn video, “Dick For Two”. Lying Ted said it was all a mistake. A staffer. Sure…. Whatever really happened, Pornhub, who owns Reality Kings, who produced the video, is wasting no time taking advantage of Ted’s now infamous like. You can now watch “Dick For Two” on Pornhub for free, which has been retitled “TED CRUZ DID NOTHING WRONG! – CORY CHASE LIKED BY TED CRUZ.” Pornhub vice president, Corey Price, said “Dick For Two” is “the fastest porn video to reach one million views.” And all thanks to Ted Cruz. At least he’s winning at something, even if it’s promoting porn.

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PORN STARS NOT SO POLITELY ASK TED CRUZ TO STOP WATCHING PORN

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Porn Stars Joanna Angel, Mercedes Carrera, Dana DeArmond, Mandy Muse, and Jaclyn Taylor have a message for Texas Senator Ted Cruz: Stop watching porn. This new Funny or Die video comes just days after Lying Ted got caught liking Cory Chase porn on Twitter. And we have to say, this video was actually funny. “Bottom line is we don’t want our films anywhere near Ted Cruz, because he’s too gross,” said Mercedes Carrera. She added, “I have seen things you can’t imagine coming out of the anuses of some of my co-workers.” Dana DeArmond said, “I’ve snorted cum.” And Joanna Angel finished saying, “And Ted Cruz is grosser than all of that combined. It’s like not even close.” “How am I supposed to explain to my family that Ted Cruz might watch my videos?” said Mercedes in closing. It was funny.

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18-YEAR-OLD TED CRUZ WAS A TIT-CRAZED NAPOLEON BENT ON WORLD DOMINATION

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If you asked most 18-year-olds, “what are your aspirations in life,” most would be happy to have a job in this horrible economy. Not Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz. He wanted wanted to be in a titty film and dominate the world. This video features “[i]n 1988, high school senior Ted Cruz reflect[ing] on his life’s ambitions while attending Second Baptist School in Houston, TX.” When asked about his aspirations, young Ted said, “Aspirations? What is that like sweat on my butt? My aspiration is to, oh, I dunno, be in a teen tit film like that guy who played Horatio. You know, he was in Malibu Bikini Beach Shop?” So of course, now that the video has surfaced, Ted got an offer to do porn. Steve Hirsch, of Vivid Entertainment, said he would “donate $1 million to your campaign through any Super Pac you want” for Cruz to show off his “sexual prowess for all the world to see.” Steve said, “I noticed one goal was to be a porn star and I want to give you a chance to do just that.” The video would be entitled, “Cruzin for Bush.” If only 18-year-old Ted Cruz were here.

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JENNA JAMESON ENDORESES MARCO RUBIO FOR PRESIDENT, SO EXPECT MORE PORN STAR ENDORSEMENTS

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Porn legend Jenna Jameson recently endorsed Florida Senator Marco Rubio for president. “I’m very looking forward to a Republican being back in office,” Jameson said in a VIP room at Gold Club in San Francisco. “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office.” And in spite of all the drugs, Jenna still has an estimated net worth of $10 million, so it makes sense she’d want a Republican in the White House to protect her wealth. Even if her wealth was build on a porn industry that Republicans traditionally oppose. But since Jenna isn’t making any more money (or at least not that much money) from porn anymore, we can see why she wouldn’t care about the conflict. As for Marc, we’re sure it’s the endorsement that Senator Rubio has been waiting for. Even though she dropped this great endorsement on October 18, 2015, Marc hasn’t really seen a jump in the polls (though, we suspect Jenna caused a jump in his pole).

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