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PLAYBOY PLAYMATE DANI MATHERS WILL DO COMMUNITY SERVICE, CAUSE CUTE WHITE GIRLS DON’T GO TO JAIL

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Playboy playmate and model Dani Mathers faced justice today as she was sentenced for making fun of a fat old lady on social media (and posting the woman’s naked picture online). The Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office confirmed that Dani pleaded no contest and got 30 days of graffiti removal along with 36 months probation. She also has to pay $60 to the victim for restitution. As we said, that was for her now infamous posting of a photo to Snapchat of a naked woman in the locker room of an L.A. Fitness, with the caption, “If I can’t unsee this, then you can’t either.” Dani’s lawyer, Tom Meserau, said, “She is very relieved that this ordeal is coming to an end. She is very apologetic and remorseful about what happened. She looks forward to a new chapter in her life. We are very relieved she is not going to spend one day in jail and did not have to plead guilty to any charge. She plead to ‘no contest’ to a misdemeanor.” We don’t think Dani should have gotten jail time for what in our minds was a juvenile prank, magnified only because Dani has such a large social media presence. But some people do. And for the believers, well, today ain’t that great of a day. But perhaps Biblical justice is more fair in this case. We post a naked picture of Dani, cause, “If we can’t unsee this, then you can’t either.” Though, somehow, we suspect, that doesn’t make the believers feel any better. But we do. So we’re good calling it a night.

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FORMER PENTHOUSE PET SIMONE FARROW SENTENCED FOR DRUG SMUGGLING RING

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We have no clue what leads hot nude models and porn stars to smuggle drugs. They seem like they would draw the most attention trying to transport kilos of cocaine stuffed up their ass (though, perhaps it is because they are more comfortable with large objects stuffed in those areas). Maybe it is the allure of fast money. But another former nude model, Penthouse Pet Simone Farrow, 41, was recently convicted and sentenced for drug smuggling. Simone was sentenced to a minimum six-and-a-half years for helping smuggle the drug “ice” into Australia concealed in bath products. An Australian judge found that Simone played a principal role in helping to smuggle methamphetamine into the country over a seven-and-a-half-month period before her arrest in October 2009. Her overall sentence was 11 years, so she’ll be eligible for parole in February 2019. Simone denied being the leader of group, saying she was set up by her underlings. Simone can at least take solace in the fact that she got caught in Australia and not Thailand, where she would likely face a death sentence.

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PORN STAR TEANNA TRUMP SENTENCED FOR POSSESSION OF 6LBS OF WEED…6LBS!

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Sometimes you get caught with a 6 pound stash of marijuana and you are gonna do some time. It happens. We’re not certain why porn stars are ever selected as drug mules, cause they draw a shitload of attention. Seriously? The hot girl with the big fake tits, that’s the one you choose to handle your product? We question the Mexican drug cartels these days. They are getting sloppy. But, as we said, sometimes it happens. It happened to porn star Katie Morgan. She did her time and she’s had a successful career since. This time around, it happened to porn star Teanna Trump. You may know Teanna from such films as “Brown Sugar Fuck Dolls,” “Black Bombshells” and “We Fuck Black Girls.” She was caught with 6 pounds of weed. She tweeted about it back when she was busted in March, saying “I got caught with 6lbs of weed I was in oaklohoma,” “Wow… I was in jail for 5days,” and “Damn I can’t smoke for 5years…” (Yes, Oklahoma was misspelled, so apparently she hadn’t stopped smoking at that point.) Her last pair of tweets on the subject was on Wednesday, as she went to court, when Teena said, “I am going to court today. Hopefully everything goes ok. If not I’ll be in jail the remainder of the year,” “Hopefully I’ll be back on here later. I don’t deserve to go to jail.” The judge disagreed. And, when you get caught with 6 pounds, not going to jail is not an option. Somebody’s got to go to jail. Teanna got hit with 6 months. So she’ll be gone till November….

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