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SPORTS ILLUSTRATED KEEPS POSTING HOT AS FUCK BIKINI PICTURES FROM LOCATIONS RAVAGED BY THE HURRICANES, AND PEOPLE ARE CALLING VERY POOR FORM

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On Tuesday, Sports Illustration Swimsuit Edition posted pictures on its Instagram page of the Brooklyn Nets cheerleaders posing in bikinis in the Caribbean — which was slammed by hurricane Irma last week. Days before that, the Swimsuit Edition Instagram page posted topless shots of model Myla Dalbesio by a pool in Houston, which is recovering from hurricane Harvey. A commenter called the series of shots “incredibly shameless and inappropriate given the devastation in Texas and the Caribbean.” Sports Illustrated declined to comment. To be fair, Sports Illustrated did repost U.S. Virgin Islands native and former Sports Illustrated cover star Hannah Jeter’s plea for the people in the Virgin Islands affected by the hurricane: “People in the Virgin Islands are running out of fuel, water and food. People are dying!!! People are lost!!!! We are an afterthought and are not getting the help that we need!!! . . . This is an emergency!!!!!”. Though, clearly, people in the Virgin Islands are an afterthought in part cause Sports Illustrated has them thinking about tits, tits, and more tits, and not much else.





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SAMANTHA HOOPES GOES NAKED ON INSTAGRAM FOR BODY CONFIDENCE

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You might think that being a Sports Illustrated model would make you confident as fuck about your body. But Samantha Hoopes took to Instagram to say that just isn’t the case. She posted a naked black and white picture of herself, and said, “There’s something about a black & white picture that sets the mood… I am never open about things on IG but I feel like this is a platform to be used to help others… I may come off as a confident person but at the end of the day i’m so far from that… I am insecure, so hard on myself & I know other people are like that too ESP bc of instagram… I want to help others feel confident & strong we are much stronger than we think. I always try to tell myself that it’s not about what happened in your life it’s how you over come those obstacles & destroy them that makes you as a person Always remember what you see on IG isn’t necessarily real it’s only what people want you to see so let’s help each other in concurring own fears doubts & lift each other up”. We just don’t see how Samantha posting a naked picture of herself helps anybody else’s body confidence. But we like it.

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CHRISSY TEIGEN’S TALKING TITS VIDEO

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Chrissy Teigen is topless with her hands over her breasts, making them talk, in this Sports Illustrated behind the scenes video. Her tits apparently have a Southern accent. It really only goes to show that when Chrissy does wild and outrageous shit, it’s not likely cause she’s drunk, but because Chrissy is wild and crazy. Take for example, the talking tits…

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GYMNAST ALY RAISMAN TIGHT AND LIMBER FOR THE SWIMSUIT EDITION

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Two-time Olympian gymnast Aly Raisman, 22, is only 5’2″, so not exactly the stature of a model, not even a swimsuit model But she put her tight and limber body on display for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, in some erotic and suggestive poses. Most gymnasts aren’t that cute, and Aly was just barely pushing the cusp of fuckable girl-next-door, teetering on passable transsexual. But when you put anyone though a made-for-publication makeover, most will come out moderately decent on the other side. Aly sure as hell did, and upped her status a few points, to a solid 7 (up from a questionable 4, on a scale of 10). And her Sports Illustrated shoot puts her in a whole new category, of remotely desirable and certain chicken choking material.

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NINA AGDAL AS CLOSE TO NAKED AS POSSIBLE FOR THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT EDITION

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Since 2012, Nina Agdal, 24, has been a regular in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. She returns again this year, and is working hard to top her prior appearances. Nina is topless but covered, and revealing at least areola in some of the skimpiest bikinis to grace the pages of the Swimsuit Edition. In one shot, she covers her breasts and vagina with only pom noms. In another, Nina’s vag is covered by a jeweled seashell-looking merkin. If her goal was to impress, we were impressed.

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HAS SPORTS ILLUSTRATED GONE MILF? MEET MILF ROOKIE BIANCA BALTI

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Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Rookie of the Year voting is open. Italian model Bianca Balti is the MILF of the group, married with two kids. “I just want to have a lot of kids. I don’t have a lot of interests besides cooking and making kids,” Bianca told SI. “At least four, but not in a hurry. I don’t want to be overworked. When they start to get their independence I will make another. I’m 32 and I just got in Sports Illustrated!” So maybe there’s a chance to step in and give Bianca those extra two. She’s also the cool mom, who’s comfortable that her kids have seen her nude pictures. Her oldest, 9-year-old Matilde has seen her nudes. Bianca said, “She’s already seen some of my naked pictures. I have no problem showing her nudity is totally fine. But the message she gets from these photos is that mommy works hard to give her the things she wants. I want to show them that they can do whatever they want.” With 63-year-old Christie Brinkley appearing in the Swimsuit Edition with her daughters, MILF seems to be a secondary theme of the issue. If Bianca is the the face of MILF, we’re good with that.

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Also in the non-traditional category, Biance has four tattoos: She has an M on her left ring finger that stands for “mama,” her husband, Matthew, and her daughters Matilde and Mia. She also has the word “cat” on her left arm, a toy soldier on her right arm and Pope Francis’s name under her breast because he is “almost like the hippie saint,” she said. In previewing Bianca, SI said, “Bianca got her start with modeling while in university, where she was studying web and graphic design, but her schoolwork didn’t hold her attention for long. ‘I was very naughty,’ Bianca told SI. ‘That’s the reason I didn’t go very much to the university, because I was partying with my friends more than going to the university. When I found this job [as a model], my mom was so relieved.’ Bianca has since settled down, moving to the suburbs of California, which remind her of her hometown of Lodi, Italy and allow her to enjoy a slower pace of life. ‘Now I just have a new perspective on life,’ she said. ‘No, I’m not naughty anymore, but I’m still crazy!'” We’d have preferred naughty, but crazy will do.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRATED REVEALS NEW ROOKIE VITA SIDORKINA

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Russian model Vitalina “Vita” Sidorkina, 22, is the newest Sports Illustrated rookie revealed for the upcoming Swimsuit Edition. About Vita, SI said, “You might recognize her from rocking the runway in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show or steaming up the pages of magazines in ads for Lilly Pulitzer, BCBG and Rebecca Minkoff, but there is more to Vita than meets the eye. The blue-eyed beauty grew up in Khabarovsk, a small town in Russia that’s just two hours from China by boat. She hasn’t been home in nearly five years, due partly to the frigid climate — the temperatures there can sink to nearly -30 degrees Fahrenheit! Not ideal weather for a Swimsuit model.” But if you’re thinking of trying to steal Vita away from her fiancee, according to her SI interview, she’s a bit of a high maintenance girl. She used to eat buttered bread with caviar before school every morning. “It might sound fancy, but…it’s something I’m used to, something that reminds me of my childhood.” We could only offer toast and a slice of Kraft cheese. So it isn’t happening for any of us.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRATED IS DROPPING SWIMSUIT EDITION ROOKIES ALL WEEK, MEET MYLA DALBESIO

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Myla Dalbesio is one of three rookies recently dropped by Sports Illustrated as part of its Rookie Week for the Swimsuit Edition. The first three were Kelly Gale, Lais Ribeiro, and Myla. She is not exactly a plus-sized model, but she is a size 8, which is outside the normal range. But the former Miss Wisconsin Teen USA did pose nude but covered for the first non-nude issue of Playboy for a spread called “How To Photograph A Woman.” This is what SI said about her: “Myla was born in Pennsylvania but grew up in Racine, Wisconsin, where she cultivated a love for cheese and brandy. ‘It sounds so cheesy to say this, because everyone says, oh, [you’re from] Wisconsin, you must love cheese! But I do love cheese,’ Myla told SI during her casting call. Her other loves include art, concerts, Real Housewives, camping (though she’s really bad with directions) and making her signature campfire-roasted breakfast burritos.” Not bad looking for a girl that loves cheese and burritos.

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NINA AGDAL FALLS SHORT OF SEXY BUT WE FORGIVE HER

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Nina Agdal, 24, recently shot with Sports Illustrated for its upcoming 2017 edition of the Swimsuit Edition. The Danish swimsuit model first appeared in Sports Illustrated in 2012. In parts of her new video with SI, Nina goes topless, but covered, and in parts topless in a see through mesh bikini top. It is not the best we’ve seen from Nina, but we are still committed to one of the hottest and most sought after models in the world. You can’t deny she’s got status, when she’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s new arm candy, cum dump, whatever you want to call it. You may not get the view that Leo gets, but when’s the last time you won an Academy Award?

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A LOOK BACK: HANNAH FERGUSON BEHIND THE SCENS NUDE BODY PAINT

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Sports Illustrated is preparing for the 2017 Swimsuit Edition. In December 2016, they released a behind-the-scenes interview with Hannah Ferguson about her nude body paint shoot for the 2016 issue. She said, “I was nervous because I’d never been that revealed on camera before. But it was a fun experience. I just embraced it, went with it and actually really had a fun time.” In talking about feeling naked, she said, “I think because everyone else thought I was wearing something, I felt like I was wearing something. Just a little mind game. But it was really cool. It looked so realistic.” Sports Illustrated also recently dropped a behind-the-scenes YouTube video with Hannah about the same body paint shoot from last year. It was definitely worth a look back.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRATED RELEASED NEW RONDA ROUSEY BODY PAINT PICTURES NOW THAT SHE’S BACK

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Ronda Rousey is back, set to fight for the UFC championship title she lost last year. Yawn. Nobody cares. To make this return more interesting, Sports Illustrated released nude body paint pictures of Ronda from earlier this year, that weren’t published with the original batch. Yawn. Next.

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FLIP CUP IS NOT THE SAME AS BUTT CUP FLIP

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When we heard Samantha Hoopes did a Flip Cup video for Sports Illustrated, we were all stoked and excited. That’s cause we were thinking Cup Flip, the butt challenge, though they are often used interchangeably. So we were of course sorely disappointed when we watched Samantha drink and flip cups with her hands for 44 seconds, hoping at some point she’d rest a cup on her ass and start popping it up in the air. But now we know. And we can only hope that Samantha next does the Cup Flip.

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IRINA SHAYK HALF-NAKED FOR GQ ITALY

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Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Irina Shayk, 30, is nude but covered for GQ Italy. While to you it may just be more naked fare, to Irina it is a “milestone.” She was quoted as saying, “It’s such a honor to be on the September Vogue cover of my home country. I shot with Mert and Marcus in LA, so it was truly a dream team and once-in-a-lifetime experience.” She added, “After over 10 years in the industry it’s a milestone in my career. I will never forget, plus my mom and family can read the entire magazine!” Call it what you want to, it is Irina nude and while Irina has been nude before, we agree this one is a “milestone.”

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TSANNA LATOUCHE MAKES AGENT PROVOCATEUR RELEVANT AGAIN

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Tsanna Larouche tried but was denied Sports Illustrated’s 2016 Swimsuit Issue, wrongly denied in our opinion. The Ontario, Canada native, who now lives in London, is 26 and has been in the business for six year. She walked the runway for Kanye West’s fashion show, notable, but not really an accomplishment. For her SI application, she was quote as saying, “I feel sexiest when I buy new lingerie.” And she looks sexiest in new lingerie too. She did a solid for Agent Provocateur, cause she definitely caught our attention where we feel Agent Provocateur may be slipping in its cutting edge reputation. Tsanna was not one of those slips.

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CHERYL TIEGS IS CALLING BULLSHIT ON BODY POSITIVE, FAT SWIMSUIT MODELS

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Cheryl Tiegs, 68, has been featured on Sports Illustrated’s covers multiple times (some time ago now), and she’s not happy about this “body positive” movement, in particular that plus-sized model Ashley Graham is on one of the covers of the swimsuit Edition. She said recently, when asked about the cover at the 13th Annual Global Green USA Pre-Oscar Party, “I don’t like that we’re talking about full-figured women because it’s glamorizing them because your waist should be smaller than 35 [inches]. That’s what Dr. Oz said, and I’m sticking to it. No, I don’t think it’s healthy. Her face is beautiful. Beautiful. But I don’t think it’s healthy in the long run.” Well, cause Dr. Oz said it…

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NICOLE ARBOUR IS TALKING ABOUT FAT PEOPLE AGAIN, THIS TIME SPORTS ILLUSTRATED MODEL ASHLEY GRAHAM

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Since comedian and YouTube celebrity Nicole Arbour got famous from fat shaming fat people, it only seems right that she’s back again talking about fat people. This time around, it’s Ashley Graham, the plus-sized swimsuit model in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. The basic message is clear, fat models are basically hypocrites, because they are so body positive but Photoshop their pictures and could lose weight but stay fat so they can be plus-sized models. We can’t say we disagree.

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