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PORNHUB ADVERTISING CORY CHASE PORN VIDEO LIKED BY TED CRUZ, USING TED CRUZ

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Texas Senator Ted Cruz liked porn star Cory Chase’s porn video, “Dick For Two”. Lying Ted said it was all a mistake. A staffer. Sure…. Whatever really happened, Pornhub, who owns Reality Kings, who produced the video, is wasting no time taking advantage of Ted’s now infamous like. You can now watch “Dick For Two” on Pornhub for free, which has been retitled “TED CRUZ DID NOTHING WRONG! – CORY CHASE LIKED BY TED CRUZ.” Pornhub vice president, Corey Price, said “Dick For Two” is “the fastest porn video to reach one million views.” And all thanks to Ted Cruz. At least he’s winning at something, even if it’s promoting porn.



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PORN STARS NOT SO POLITELY ASK TED CRUZ TO STOP WATCHING PORN

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Porn Stars Joanna Angel, Mercedes Carrera, Dana DeArmond, Mandy Muse, and Jaclyn Taylor have a message for Texas Senator Ted Cruz: Stop watching porn. This new Funny or Die video comes just days after Lying Ted got caught liking Cory Chase porn on Twitter. And we have to say, this video was actually funny. “Bottom line is we don’t want our films anywhere near Ted Cruz, because he’s too gross,” said Mercedes Carrera. She added, “I have seen things you can’t imagine coming out of the anuses of some of my co-workers.” Dana DeArmond said, “I’ve snorted cum.” And Joanna Angel finished saying, “And Ted Cruz is grosser than all of that combined. It’s like not even close.” “How am I supposed to explain to my family that Ted Cruz might watch my videos?” said Mercedes in closing. It was funny.



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REPUBLICAN TED CRUZ LIKED A PORN STAR COREY CHASE POST ON TWITTER, SHE WANTS HIM TO SHOW LOVE AND SUPPORT HER ON CLIPS4SALE

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Texas Republican U.S. Senator Ted Cruz liked a tweet featuring a video of porn star Cory Chase last night. Now Clips4Sale is offering Ted Cruz some help to access more Cory Chase porn. “Ted, we’re here to help,” said Clips4Sale’s owner Neil. “You can buy her clips in our stores and no one will know. All shopping is anonymous. I spoke with Cory this morning and she’s glad you like her and hopes you will buy her exclusive content in her Jerky Wives store. Clips4Sale is the #1 downloadable clips site and we want you to check it out.” The original tweet came from @SexuallPosts. Now it has changed its Twitter bio to read: “Follow the same porn that @TedCruz watches.” But as always happens, Lying Ted has disassociated himself from his porn tastes. His spokeswoman, Catherine Frazier tweeted, “The offensive tweet posted on @tedcruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter.” Stop lying Ted, you like the porn.

Cory Chase also issued her own statement. “You can imagine my surprise when I found out what all the buzz was about,” she said. “As a porn star you are used to a certain level of attention and social media activity, but [since] Senator Cruz took the time to endorse my work, you can imagine the new level of interest in me that created.” She added, “Regardless if it was his staff or the senator himself letting his freak out at night, I encourage him to continue watching porn and paying for porn, my porn specifically.”



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FINALLY, SOME TED CRUZ PORN, SORT OF

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Ted Cruz has no hope of being president. So we are really only paying attention to “Lyin’ Ted” cause he is an amusing failure. He’s like the Elmer Fudd of the primary season. And, of course, that makes Donald Trump Bugs Bunny, a role that suits him. The most recent entertaining Ted Cruz news is the fame he has brought to Searcy Hayes, 21, from Natchez, Mississippi. She has the misfortune of looking exactly like Ted Cruz. Like dead-fucking-ringer exact. That reflects in part that Ted looks like a women (a pussy), but also that Searcy is fucking ugly. She appeared on the Maury Povich show because her fiance, 25-year-old Freddie Green, accused her of cheating on him — exactly what you would expect from Natchez, Mississippi, but Searcy, cheating? Not likely. Her fiancee really only embarrassed himself on that one, particularly because Searcy passed a lie detecter test, and has since been appointed by the Internet as the Ted Cruz doppelgänger. Also, as you might expect from Natchez, Mississippi, Searcy had no clue who Ted Cruz was. “I don’t know his positions and I’ve never seen him, so I don’t know if he’s done a good enough job to be reelected,” she said, admitting after being told he was a presidential candidate, “Well, yeah, I don’t know anything about him.”

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It gets better. Now Searcy is doing porn. She accepted an offer from XHamster.com, to pay Searcy and her fiance $10,000 for a 6-minute sex tape. “We wanted Searcy because overnight she became a viral meme,” XHamster spokesman Mike Kulich said. “I think a lot of XHamster viewers really wanted to see her in action.” Searcy just doesn’t give a fuck, cause she needs the money. “I’m fine with it because everything is going to support my family,” she said. “I want to get my son whatever he wants.” Her boyfriend is down too. “We want to buy a truck, pay off our house and we might get married,” he said. “I never had anyone say, ‘Here’s $10,000! Go make a sex tape.’” He added, “It’s kind of exciting and shocking to know she’s famous — she’s more famous than Madonna!” And, “I’m with a star.” But clearly he didn’t get she was the butt of a Ted Cruz joke. But whatever works, Mississippi.



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DONALD TRUMP BASICALLY CALLED TED CRUZ’S WIFE A FUGLY BITCH, AND TED HAD NO COME BACK

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The Republicans are learning a lot this election cycle. Donald Trump has taught them who their base really is, poor white trash. And Donald Trump is teaching them how to wage a campaign war in the world of social media. Republicans are slow to catch on, which is why Trump is almost assuredly going to be their presidential nominee. Donald attacked Ted Cruz on social media, bringing to a whole new level their blood feud. Donald attacked Ted’s wife. Who is basically butt ugly, but it is a bit uncouth to say. But when has Donald trump been all that couth? Donald did a side by side comparison of his wife and Ted’s wife, saying “No need to ‘spill the beans.’ The images are worth a thousand words.” It was basically a playground taunt — U-L-G-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, your wife is ugly, butt, butt, butt UGLY! All Ted Cruz could say is “Donald, real men don’t attack women. You wife is lovely, and Heidi is the love of my life.” Weak. Sorry, Ted, pick your face and your ugly wife up off the floor. Donald got you again. Hillary, take note. You ugly too, but Bill Clinton will be easy pickins on social media.

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sTRU1

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TED CRUZ CASTS PORN STAR FOR HIS CAMPAIGN AND THEN PULLS IT WHEN SOMEONE GOT CLUED INTO THE FACT…

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Softcore porn actress Amy Lindsay decided to show up to a Ted Cruz political campaign commercial casting, and she got the part. But, sadly for Amy, Ted is getting pounded for his porn connections these days. Once someone outed Amy, Ted pulled the ad and the campaign released a statement: “The actress responded to an open casting call. She passed her audition and got the job. Unfortunately, she was not vetted by the casting company. Had the campaign known of her full filmography, we obviously would not have let her appear in the ad. The campaign is taking the ad down and will replace it with a different commercial.” Amy previously performed in adult films such as “Kinky Sex Club, Milf, Carnal Wishes,” “Sex Sent Me to the ER” and “Insatiable Desires.” Amy, who identifies as a Christian conservative, told BuzzFeed that, “In a cool way, then hey, then it’s not just some old, white Christian bigot that people want to say, ‘It could be, maybe, a cool kind of open-minded woman like me.’” Well, only for a little bit.

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18-YEAR-OLD TED CRUZ WAS A TIT-CRAZED NAPOLEON BENT ON WORLD DOMINATION

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If you asked most 18-year-olds, “what are your aspirations in life,” most would be happy to have a job in this horrible economy. Not Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz. He wanted wanted to be in a titty film and dominate the world. This video features “[i]n 1988, high school senior Ted Cruz reflect[ing] on his life’s ambitions while attending Second Baptist School in Houston, TX.” When asked about his aspirations, young Ted said, “Aspirations? What is that like sweat on my butt? My aspiration is to, oh, I dunno, be in a teen tit film like that guy who played Horatio. You know, he was in Malibu Bikini Beach Shop?” So of course, now that the video has surfaced, Ted got an offer to do porn. Steve Hirsch, of Vivid Entertainment, said he would “donate $1 million to your campaign through any Super Pac you want” for Cruz to show off his “sexual prowess for all the world to see.” Steve said, “I noticed one goal was to be a porn star and I want to give you a chance to do just that.” The video would be entitled, “Cruzin for Bush.” If only 18-year-old Ted Cruz were here.

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