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PORNHUB ADVERTISING CORY CHASE PORN VIDEO LIKED BY TED CRUZ, USING TED CRUZ

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Texas Senator Ted Cruz liked porn star Cory Chase’s porn video, “Dick For Two”. Lying Ted said it was all a mistake. A staffer. Sure…. Whatever really happened, Pornhub, who owns Reality Kings, who produced the video, is wasting no time taking advantage of Ted’s now infamous like. You can now watch “Dick For Two” on Pornhub for free, which has been retitled “TED CRUZ DID NOTHING WRONG! – CORY CHASE LIKED BY TED CRUZ.” Pornhub vice president, Corey Price, said “Dick For Two” is “the fastest porn video to reach one million views.” And all thanks to Ted Cruz. At least he’s winning at something, even if it’s promoting porn.



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THE LEGENDS (LINGERIE) FOOTBALL LEAGUE IS HOLDING TRYOUTS IN TEXAS, LOOKING FOR LONGHORNS

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Chasity Morales is a wide receiver/safety for the Austin Acoustic in the Legends (Lingerie) Football League. She is spreading the word about league tryouts in Texas this month, posting on Facebook, “I constantly get asked about the league I play for whether it’s interest in the game or how one can play for the team well texas now is your chance! We will be holding state wide combines to find the best of the Best Texas has to offer
Think you have what it takes to play pro woman’s football? Then come out and prove it!!!!” Whether you have what it takes or not, we are all for a field full of women in skimpy bikinis playing football.





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SPORTS ILLUSTRATED KEEPS POSTING HOT AS FUCK BIKINI PICTURES FROM LOCATIONS RAVAGED BY THE HURRICANES, AND PEOPLE ARE CALLING VERY POOR FORM

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On Tuesday, Sports Illustration Swimsuit Edition posted pictures on its Instagram page of the Brooklyn Nets cheerleaders posing in bikinis in the Caribbean — which was slammed by hurricane Irma last week. Days before that, the Swimsuit Edition Instagram page posted topless shots of model Myla Dalbesio by a pool in Houston, which is recovering from hurricane Harvey. A commenter called the series of shots “incredibly shameless and inappropriate given the devastation in Texas and the Caribbean.” Sports Illustrated declined to comment. To be fair, Sports Illustrated did repost U.S. Virgin Islands native and former Sports Illustrated cover star Hannah Jeter’s plea for the people in the Virgin Islands affected by the hurricane: “People in the Virgin Islands are running out of fuel, water and food. People are dying!!! People are lost!!!! We are an afterthought and are not getting the help that we need!!! . . . This is an emergency!!!!!”. Though, clearly, people in the Virgin Islands are an afterthought in part cause Sports Illustrated has them thinking about tits, tits, and more tits, and not much else.





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REPUBLICAN TED CRUZ LIKED A PORN STAR COREY CHASE POST ON TWITTER, SHE WANTS HIM TO SHOW LOVE AND SUPPORT HER ON CLIPS4SALE

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Texas Republican U.S. Senator Ted Cruz liked a tweet featuring a video of porn star Cory Chase last night. Now Clips4Sale is offering Ted Cruz some help to access more Cory Chase porn. “Ted, we’re here to help,” said Clips4Sale’s owner Neil. “You can buy her clips in our stores and no one will know. All shopping is anonymous. I spoke with Cory this morning and she’s glad you like her and hopes you will buy her exclusive content in her Jerky Wives store. Clips4Sale is the #1 downloadable clips site and we want you to check it out.” The original tweet came from @SexuallPosts. Now it has changed its Twitter bio to read: “Follow the same porn that @TedCruz watches.” But as always happens, Lying Ted has disassociated himself from his porn tastes. His spokeswoman, Catherine Frazier tweeted, “The offensive tweet posted on @tedcruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter.” Stop lying Ted, you like the porn.

Cory Chase also issued her own statement. “You can imagine my surprise when I found out what all the buzz was about,” she said. “As a porn star you are used to a certain level of attention and social media activity, but [since] Senator Cruz took the time to endorse my work, you can imagine the new level of interest in me that created.” She added, “Regardless if it was his staff or the senator himself letting his freak out at night, I encourage him to continue watching porn and paying for porn, my porn specifically.”



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TEXAS OFFICER MICHALE COPPOCK SUCH A COP-COCK, ASKS TEEN FOR NUDE PICTURES TO GET RID OF TICKETS

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Officer Michael Coppock, 33, has a name so perfectly fitting to his story that we thought it was fake news. But we have now seen this story on a few news outlets, including CBS News, so we are good to go. Cop-cock (we told you it was so perfect and ripe for a parody nickname) got busted coercing a teen into sending him nude pictures to change her speeding tickets into warnings. Cop-cock is a nine-year veteran of the Baytown Police Department, but is now under an internal investigation and criminal probe. Reports are that he pulled over an 18-year-old woman, and ticketed her for speeding and having an expired registration. All good so far. 18-year veteran on his shit. Then, Cop-cock decided, only one hour after the traffic stop, that it was a good idea to contact the teen through social media and text messages and offer to change the tickets to warnings. In exchange, the officer asked the teen to “send him nude photographs of herself,” according to court documents. Bad idea. The teen sent photos, but then snitched. Reportedly, police have said they viewed screenshots of the conversations and characterized the messages as “clearly coercive in nature,” and “putting pressure” on the teen. Cop-cock.

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COLLEGE STUDENT MAKES PORN STAR MEME FOR COURSE ASSIGNMENT, IT GOES VIRAL

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What do the Dakota Access Pipeline and porn have in common? Not a fucking thing, except that Joshua Robinson Levine, a freshman at St. Edward’s University in Austin, Texas, used them both in a meme for a course assignment. For his rhetoric and composition course, he wrote a 1,700-word essay on the Dakota Access Pipeline, and used a picture of a porn star with a gaping mouth, and subtitle “It’s so fucking big,” to create a meme, “When you show her the cultural and environmental risk posed by the Dakota Access Pipeline.” He showed it to his class as part of his presentation. Someone took a picture and it went viral. “My assignment was to make memes — I simply did as I was told,” Joshua said when asked about his the viral image. Everyone in the class laughed. And his professor has defended Joshua’s presentation. “His presentation dealt with the challenge of determining what counts as ‘success’ when it comes to social-justice protests, how ‘success’ might be measured,” he said. “Needless to say, his opening meme grabbed the class’s attention.” Ours too.

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sJOS1 sJOS2

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TEXAS MAN WAS LAPDANCED TO DEATH, AND OH GOD, WHAT A WAY TO GO

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Robert Gene White had the time of his life, literally, at the Red Parrot strip club. El Paso, Texas County sheriff’s officials said the 67-year-old man died at the club Friday night. According to the manager, after getting rounds of lap dances, when it came time to pay, he was found was unresponsive. Employees are said to have tried to perform CPR on poor Robert, but it didn’t work and they called emergency responders. Robert was transported to an area hospital and according to reports, died from natural causes. What the didn’t say of course was he clearly died a happy man, cause he got rounds of free lap dances right before talking that sweet plunge into whatever you believe happens when you die. Robert, you horny devil.

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SAFE SEX BUSTS MASSAGE PARLOR PROSTITUTION RING, CAUSE THEY CLOGGED THE FUCKING PIPES WITH ALL THE CONDOMS

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An Asian massage parlor was really a front for a prostitution ring. Big surprise. We really wished we could have asked, “What do we get for 10 dollars? Everything?” Though we doubt they would say back, “Every-ting.” It’s just something we’ve all been dying to say. The big surprise is that it was the safe sex practices of the parlor that got them busted. Apparently, hundreds of used condoms backed up a waste disposal unit connecting Jade Massage Parlor in Austin, Texas and its shopping strip to the city sewer system. The realty company that took over control of the property, called the police. Police traced the clog back to Jade, and allegedly found female employees providing extras in addition to the backrubs. Jade also advertised illicit services on Backpage.com as many as two to three times a day. The advertisements contained pictures of women and parlor owner Juan Wang’s phone number, a police investigation found. (Again, no big surprise, but funny the owner’s name was “Wang”.) Juan and her co-owner husband, Joseph Emery, were arrested and charged with organized criminal activity and money laundering. And what should have been even another clue, was that two days before cops got tipped off about the condom backlog, Juan was stopped at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport headed to China with $30,000 in cash. “Me love you long time…”

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sASN1

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MARRIED FEMALE TEACHER CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH STUDENT HAS THE BIGGEST SHIT-EATING GRIN MUGSHOT OF ALL TIME

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Sarah Fowlkes, 26, is a married Texas teacher, who was busted for having sex with a 17-year-old student. She was suspended from her job as an anatomy and physiology teacher at Lockhart High School after turning herself in to police on Monday, and just having finished celebrating her birthday with her husband, who somehow seems to have forgiven her. Sarah allegedly engaged in “sexual content with the intent to arouse or gratify the sexual desire.” “Their contact was of a sexual nature,” the police said. It must have been some birthday party, because Sarah still had the biggest shit-eating, fuck-you-all grin when she took her mugshot. And it has to be the best of the year. Sarah wrote on her page on the school’s website, “I have very high expectations of myself as a teacher as well as of my students and I hope that this will be a formula for achievement. I want this to be an enjoyable year for all of my students but also a productive, challenging and encouraging year with success for everyone.” It was certainly enjoyable for one student. Sarah’s page on the school website has now been removed.

sSAR1

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BACKPAGE OFFICES RAIDED AND CEO ARRESTED BY TEXAS LAW ENFORCMENT. DAMN, DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS

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Backpage has been the central hub for escorts and prostitution since Craigslist left the market. Backpage rebuffed all appeals and threats to stop. Texas had enough. Texas authorities raided Backpage’s Dallas headquarters today, and arrested its chief executive officer, Carl Ferrer, and charged him with conspiracy and pimping a minor. The two men who founded the company in 2004, Michael Lacey and James Larkin, were also charged with conspiracy. The investigation into Backpage was a joint effort by the states of California and Texas. Ken was arrested based on a California warrant and will be extradited to California to face the charges. “Defendants have known that their website is the United States hub for the illegal sex trade and that many of the people advertised for commercial sex on Backpage are victims of sex trafficking, including children,” said an affidavit for a warrant filed by Brian Fichtner, a special agent of the California Department of Justice. Ken Paxton, the Texas Attorney General, said Carl was arrested after he arrived in Houston on a flight from Amsterdam. “Making money off the backs of innocent human beings by allowing them to be exploited for modern-day slavery is not acceptable in Texas,” Ken, a Republican, said in a statement. “Raking in millions of dollars from the trafficking and exploitation of vulnerable victims is outrageous, despicable and illegal,” said California Attorney General Kamala Harris, a Democrat running for the United States Senate. “Backpage and its executives purposefully and unlawfully designed Backpage to be the world’s top online brothel.” While some will laud this as a huge victory, just as when Craigslist stopped carrying escorts, the traffic will only move from Backpage onto another website, likely now a European or other foreign country website where prostitution is legal or where enforcement standards are less puritanical.

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CAITLIN CIFUENTES DETHRONED AS MISS CORPUS CHRISTI CAUSE BITCHES BE ACTIN’ LIKE BITCHES

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Beauty queens are some catty bitches. Caitlin Cifuentes beat her rivals and won Miss Corpus Christi, Texas. Because they couldn’t beat her on the stage, her rivals ganged up and beat her in court, as last month six contestants including the runner-up, Victoria Barrera (and now the new Miss Corpus Christi), sued the pageant because they claim Caitlin should have been disqualified because of her criminal record. Now, Caitlin is a criminal. And that is a disqualifying condition. It turns out Caitlin caught a case on charges of intoxication, assault and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, as she crashed into another vehicle while driving with a blood alcohol three times the legal limit. Shit happens. Caitlin got probation, but then violated her probation when she got caught at a nightclub. Shit happens. Now police have issued warrants for her arrest. Caitlin defended getting stripped of her crown on Facebook, saying, “I was discriminated against, slandered, judged in the harshest ways, but guess what? I am still the real winner. Keep that old title because I would rather not be involved with a program which allows bullying. That’s not what I stand for.” Because of the shit, Caitlin was also fired from her job as a waitress at a bar, where she worked for almost five years. But Caitlin isn’t phased. She made her own title and now calls herself “Queen of Corpus Christi.” How you like me now, bitches!

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MISS TEEN USA KARLIE HAY DON’T LIKE NIGGERS, PERSONAL TWITTER PAGE FULL OF NIGGER THIS, NIGGER THAT, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, AND SHE IS STILL MISS TEEN USA

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Miss Teen USA has a serious image problem. It’s name is Karlie Hay. She is the recent pageant winner, out of a final five of all white blonde hair and either blue or green-eyed girls from the South. As hot as they all may be, there is a notable lack of diversity, and for Karlie especially, a lack of a grain of common fucking sense. Now, these girls are from the South — Alabama, North Carolina, South Carolina, Nevada (which is technically the SouthWest), and Karlie, from Texas. So they hear the world “nigger” thrown around a lot. “Look at that nigger over there. Look at that nigger over there.” We might as well be in a Quentin Tarantino movie. But saying it on the street, or in a film, is different than being Miss Teen USA and having it plastered all over your personal Twitter account. Karlie went full “nigger” on some girl, and then had a few extra “niggas” tossed about like she was in N.W.A (Niggas With Attitude). She had a few “bitches” in there too, so Karlie is an equally opportunity foul mouth. People are mad at Karlie, cause they think we live in some whole new age, and girls like Karlie remind us, in fact, no we are not. People are also mad because the Miss Teen USA pageant hasn’t dumped Karlie for the next white, blonde haired blue eyed girl on the list. Probably, cause her page is even worse. They need time to clean things up. We posted a taste of the “nigger” rant that Karlie went on a few years back.

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But apparently today, meaning, after she won the Miss Teen USA pageant, Karlie has changed, and seen the error of her ways. And she did make an effort an apology without actually apologizing, saying, “Several years ago, I had many personal struggles and found myself in a place that is not representative of who I am as a person. I admit that I have used language publicly in the past which I am not proud of and that there is no excuse for. Through hard work, education and thanks in large part to the sisterhood that I have come to know through pageants, I am proud to say that I am today a better person. I am honored to hold this title and I will use this platform to promote the values of The Miss Universe Organization, and my own, that recognize the confidence, beauty and perseverance of all women.” But what is really going to bake your noodle later is, would she have apologized if nobody said anything? (If you didn’t get The Matrix reference, don’t worry, you’re just a dumb nigger.) Oh to be pretty and white in America.



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EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS, EVEN STUDENT-TEACHER SEX SCANDALS

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Texas is leading the nation….in student-teacher sexual relationships. The Texas Education Agency reported that it had launched 162 investigations of reported inappropriate teacher-student relationships between Sept. 1 and May 31 And the Amarillo Globe-News reports that the agency had 188 investigations last fiscal year, marking at least the fifth year of growth in a row. The rockstar of the group, of course, was Houston-area teacher Alexandria Vera, 24, who was impregnated by a then-13-year-old former student, and reportedly said she told a school district investigator the family was “very supportive and excited” when she disclosed her pregnancy, and she and the boy “love each other.” She later had an abortion, cause, well, the child was evidence of her crimes. “In the past, you might not have had students choosing to interact socially with a teacher. Now they’ll friend them on Facebook or they’ll reach out to them on Snapchat,” Kathy Tortoreo, director of crisis services at Family Support Services in Amarillo, told the Globe-News, speaking about the epidemic Texas is facing. “The adult is supposed to understand the boundary, and the adult is supposed to uphold the boundary,” Kathy said. But in Texas, not all teachers do.

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RANDY CARTER IS THE SWINGING KING DALLAS, SUED BY HIS NEIGHBORS WHO AREN’T JEALOUS OF HIS CROWN

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Randy Carter is a pussy magnate, and was literally swimming in pussy in his gigantic private pool in his backyard. He is from suburban Dallas Parker County, Texas, and (allegedly) hosted swinger parties at his home, dubbed the “Naughty Neighbors” club, which was listed on several swingers’ sites with entry fees and hours, so “allegedly” is really only legalese at this point, since he is being sued by his Homeowners Association. According to his neighbors, Randy has some pretty randy parties. “Extremely busy, loud, lots of traffic. It was a nightly thing,” said Chase Patterson, who lives next door. His neighbors are going after his guest lists in court, and it is making quite the splash. Randy’s attorneys say the guest list isn’t relevant to the case, but the HOA’s attorney is saying they needs to speak to the guests because they are witnesses to what went on. “They can tell us about the loud music, about the lights, about the traffic. And we want to speak to them,” said attorney Luke Beshara. But there appears to be another reason Luke is going after the list. “We were told one evening that there were several judges and attorneys on it. So I’d be curious to see if that’s the case. We’ve been told everything else under the sun, too, though,” he said. Randy got a little randy about reporter questions about his swinger escapades and his guest list, saying “I’m gonna go get my gun,” and “They want my guest list for everyone who has come on my property for the last 8 years. Would you turn over your guest list?” Why you gotta take it there, Randy?

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While we all are imagining events like the first picture, below, we all know they were more like the second…



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JOIN YOUR BIG FAT FLUORESCENT DILDOS IN PROTEST #COCKSNOTGLOCKS

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Students don’t have real causes to protest anymore, not anything anyone is seriously going to get their panties in a bunch over anyway. There’s no war in Vietnam sending kids home on body bags by the thousands (though we still have wars to protest). There’s no racial segregation and Jim Crow (though we still have racial discrimination to protest). These days, raises in tuition are about the biggest causes on campus. But college kids in Texas are kicking up dust over campus carry laws, which allow people to carry concealed weapons on campus, apparently to make everyone feel much safer, cause then we all have guns, and of course, when everybody starts shooting, all goes well. And that’s a pretty real cause, by today’s standards. So University of Texas student got it in their heads that the best way to protest was to carry around big fat dildos. Here’s a piece of their manifesto on Facebook: “Starting on the first day of Long Session classes on August 24, 2016, we are strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks in protest of campus carry. ANYBODY can participate in solidarity: alum, non-UT students, people outside of Texas. Come one dildo, come all dildos. ‘You’re carrying a gun to class? Yeah well I’m carrying a HUGE DILDO.’ Just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play.” And while you might think dildos were random, there was a point, in Texas you can be fined for carrying such an obscene object, some $500. Protest organizer Jessica Lin pointed out the hypocrisy. “The State of Texas has decided that it is not at all obnoxious to allow deadly concealed weapons in classrooms, however it DOES have strict rules about free sexual expression, to protect your innocence. You would receive a citation for taking a DILDO to class before you would get in trouble for taking a gun to class. Heaven forbid the penis.” That all said, inviting a dildo protest may be a real eye-opener in Texas, where everything is bigger…

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SEEKING REVENGE AGAINST REVENGE PORN SITES

Twenty-sex females are filing a lawsuit against Texxan.com, a revenge porn site that posts explicit nude pictures of women with their first names and last initial, along with their hometown in Texas. It’s only Texas girls. Texas attorney John Morgan is leading the lawsuit. “A lot of the women involved in the suit have said that the nude photos were taken without their knowledge — perhaps while they were in college, drunk at the bar, swimming at a lake — and some of the pictures may have come from ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands,” Morgan said. “And from what I know, there doesn’t appear any documentation as for the ages of the individuals depicted in the pictures.”


[Explicit Video: Jada Stevens, Jada’s Juicy Booty on Brazzers]




Morgan is filing the lawsuit tomorrow in Galveston County Court, with his 26 plaintiffs so far. “I anticipate more to join in the suit,” Morgan said. “These are women who have been pushed to the point where they have become emotionally devastated, some have become suicidal. One woman was a teacher who was fired over nude pictures of herself on the site.” In addition to the unidentified operators of the website, the lawsuit targets the entities hosting the website and the members who have subscribed to the website.


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