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EMILY RATAJKOWSKI CALLS OUT MADAME FIGARO FOR FIXING HER TITS AND LIPS

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Madam Figaro magazine fixed Emily Ratajkowski’s tits and lips for new cover. Emily was not happy. She posted a side-by-side of the fixed cover against the original picture, on her Instagram, saying, “Everyone is uniquely beautiful in their own ways. We all have insecurities about the things that make us different from a typical ideal of beauty. I, like so many of us, try every day to work past those insecurities. I was extremely disappointed to see my lips and breasts altered in photoshop on this cover. I hope the fashion industry will finally learn to stop trying to stifle the things that make us unique and instead begin to celebrate individuality.” We’re not exactly sure when models completely forgot what industry they were in, or why guys and girls pay out the ass to see them in pictures, or whether this is just self-righteous bullshit from models who know exactly what is going on, but just don’t want to appear like they know, cause body-positive is popular. But either way, we gotta call bullshit. This ain’t the first time some photographer has fixed Emily’s tits, and as she continues to push to 30, it won’t be the last.



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LINDSEY PELAS BIKINI SO TIGHT SHE MIGHT AS WELL BE NAKED

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Fall has officially begun, but all around the United States, it feels like July (global warming). While normally it is flannel time, women are still rocking bikinis (global warming). Lindsey Pelas, who wanted everyone to know what it feels like, posted a skin tight bikini shot that was so skin tight, it really didn’t cover up much. She said, “What the first day of fall really feels like”. Usually it’s chilly weather that gets nipples that pokey, but we are living in different times (global warming). And if we gotta go out this way, we’ll at least go happy, looking at Lindsey.



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HERE’S LOOKING AT NICKI MINAJ’S NIPPLES, AND NICKI LOOKING BACK

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Nicki Minaj ain’t afraid. She ain’t of Instagram or putting her nipples out cause that’s what makes shit move. It’s how the world moves. Nipples. Nipples. Nipples. Nicki recently posted hers (behind a transparent top) onto her Instagram page, saying, “Here’s lookin at you, kid”. Well, damn, here’s lookin back, Nicki.



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ANA DE ARMAS’ TITS AND ASS FEATURE PROMINENTLY IN THE NEW PREVIEW OF BLADE RUNNER 2049

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The world just got a preview of Blade Runner 2049, and what stands out is how prominently actress Ana de Armas’s ass and tits feature into the preview. The 29-year-old Cuban isn’t all that busty or shapely, but she is just about all there is to talk about from the preview. Even with actors Harrison Ford, Jared Leto, and Ryan Gosling (well, who really gives a shit about Ryan Gosling), in the film, Ana de Armas is the best part of the preview, hands down.



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TALLIA STORM GOES SEE THROUGH AND BRALESS

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It’s fair to say that Caroline Vreeland got more milage out of her see through dress and nipples than singer Tallia Storm. But Tallia didn’t exactly take the back seat either, when she pulled out her nips for London’s Fashion Week. Tallia posted on Instagram, “Amazing time at @amandawakeley AW/17 campaign launch! Thank you for dressing me Amanda – your new collection is so beautiful!”. Tallia was partying all over London in her see through exposed breasts and nipples. But that is really what Fashion Week is all about.

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INDIA WESTBROOK MAGNIFICENT BREASTS AND NIPPLES REPRISED ON INSTAGRAM

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India Westbrook reprised one of her favorite see through bikini tops to again expose her magnificent breasts and nipples on her Instagram page. She did it last April. She did it again las week. She wasn’t sorry in April. She don’t appear to sorry about it now. We ain’t mad at her for it. To the contrary, we are thankful.

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NABILLA BENATTIA TOPLESS IS A NICE START TO THE DAY

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French model and television personality Nabilla Benattia, 25, was spotted topless on the beach. She’s been called the French Kim Kardashian. And while she’s cute and all, she is no Kim Kardashian. The Internet did not break at the sight of her tits. Though, it moved a little.

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HALLE BERRY DEEP CLEAVAGE

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Halle Berry, 51, was in our opinion one of the hottest Bond girls, even though she didn’t get a sexy Bond girl name, like Alotta Tits. Based upon her appearance at the “Kings” premiere in Toronto, we think Halle could have played that name well too. Halle rocked a deep cleavage top that would have made James proud. As Americans, we’re definitely proud of Halle for representing what truly makes us great while in Canada.

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BELLA THORNE KEEPING UP THE NIPPLE STANDARD

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Bella Thorne isn’t relenting on the unmitigated storm of nipple coverage she is plastering across social media. It just keeps coming and coming. Today, there are more pictures of Bella in studio with a see through white bra, and, nipples. It is a Bella standard.

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STEPHANIE SEYMOUR TOPLESS UNCENSORED

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Stephanie Seymour, 49, posed topless for Love magazine, looking like she was still 29 (well, maybe 39), back in July. We told you about it then, but back then, we only had the censored pictures. Now, the uncensored pictures of Stephanie’s bare nipples have been making the rounds. And they were worth a second look (maybe a third).

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ALEJANDRA GUILMANT TOPLESS AND MASKED IN THE DESERT

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We are often prone to philosophical debates. Like, would the world be a better place if all women looked like Alejandra Guilmant? On the one hand, all the women would be extremely hot with oversized tits. And that’s a plus. But on the other hand, if every woman is exceptional, then none is. And would we even know? Because beautiful is only beautiful because ugly exists. Without the ugly, how would you know what is beautiful. And then there’s the fact that every woman would look the same. No variety. And variety is the spice of life. The adage “the only thing better than pussy is new pussy” wouldn’t really apply, if all pussy was the same. Cause then it wouldn’t really be new. But all women looking the same means women would be judged on their character and not their looks. And some women would like that (ugly women). Well, it is pointless, because all women do not look like Alejandra Guilmant. That is why when Alejandra poses topless in the desert, it is something to look at and admire.

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MAGDALENA FRACKOWIAK IS STILL PUTTING NIPPLES TO INSTAGRAM

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If Instagram has a nudity policy, prohibiting nipples, then it doesn’t apply to Magdalena Frackowiak. Cause she is putting nipples to Instagram like it was her job. Well, actually, it is her job, she’s a model. And she’s doing it well. With her most recent set of tits on Instagram, just to let you know who she is, Magdalena wrote, “Once you put your hand in the flame / You can never be the same / There’s a certain satisfaction / In a little bit of pain”. Whatever, just keep ’em coming.

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FOUR REASONS TO WATCH BALLERS

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HBO continues to be all about tits, ass, and almost-pornographic sex in its lineup. It’s hard out there these days, with Netflix kicking ass and taking the names of all comers. You’ve never heard anyone say they want to come over for HBO and chill. But we just peeped Cody Renee Cameron and Phoenix Skye Fechter give the best escort entrance scene that we’ve seen in a long time (.gif below), for the fifth episode of season three on Ballers. And it gave us reason to think about adding HBO to the evening frivolities. Ballers is about “a superstar during his football playing days, Spencer Strasmore tries to find the same success as a financial manager for current players in sun-splashed Miami,” should you start thinking about watching. Here’s four good reasons:

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HEIDI KLUM AND DEMI LOVATO WENT NIPPLE-TO-NIPPLE OVER THE VMA RED CARPET QUEEN

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The celebrity red carpet has become increasingly one-dimensional, with a single purpose: who can out-scank whom. Who can show the most skin without going full-on slutty nude. At the Video Music Awards over the weekend, Heidi Klum and Demi Lovato went head-to-head for queen of the “you-can’t-slut-shame-me-for-dressing-slutty” carpet walk. Frankly, we love this new trend. We embrace it. We don’t slut shame, nada. And we were glad to see both Heidi and Demi doing their thing. In spite of her age, we have to give this round to Heidi. She just does it so well. Just goes to show that experience does count for something in this game.

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DAKOTA JOHNSON GOT ALL HER FRIENDS NAKED INTO THE FAPPENING

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The first rule of being a celebrity has to be: don’t take naked pictures of yourself on your phone. They will get hacked. The first rule of being friends with a celebrity we’ve learned is: don’t take naked pictures of yourself on his or her phone. They will get hacked. Tiger Woods learned this hard lesson, as his naked pictures were on Lindsey Vonn’s phone, which got hacked. And now all of Dakota Johnson’s friends are learning this lesson, because for some reason they like taking naked pictures with Dakota. And she got hacked. We don’t judge people. We actually love when simple lessons of life are never learned, and they result in yet another round of celebrity leaked nudes.

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TIGER WOODS THREATENS LAWSUITS OVER LEAKED NUDES, BUT THE DAMAGE IS ALREADY DONE, EVERYONE’S SEEN YOUR DICK TIGER

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In spite of the insanely huge free publicity, both Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are incensed, according to reports, about the leak of their nude pictures. They are threatening to sue anybody, everybody who looks at Tiger’s massive dong or Lindsey’s tight pussy. Although Tiger and Lindsey split in May 2015, a hacker broke into Lindsey’s phone and found pictures of Tiger’s dick that Lindsey just couldn’t let go of. Her nudes were leaked all over the Internet. (They aren’t hard to find at all. A few of our Greek linking partners still have them up.) Kristen Stewart, Katharine McPhee, Miley Cyrus, and a host of lesser celebrities were caught up in this round of The Fappening. But this round saw a much more aggressive response from some of the celebrities. In a statement, Lindsey said, “It is an outrageous and despicable invasion of privacy for anyone to steal and illegally publish private intimate photos.” The statement continued: “Lindsey will take all necessary and appropriate legal action to protect and enforce her rights and interests. She believes the individuals responsible for hacking her private photos as well as the websites that encourage this detestable conduct should be prosecuted to the fullest extent under the law.” Ohh gawd, Lindsey, they’re just tits. And we’ve already seen your naked ass. (Since we haven’t gotten the okay from our lawyers to fight this fight, we are playing this one safe, but who knows tomorrow.)

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