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NABILLA BENATTIA TOPLESS IS A NICE START TO THE DAY

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French model and television personality Nabilla Benattia, 25, was spotted topless on the beach. She’s been called the French Kim Kardashian. And while she’s cute and all, she is no Kim Kardashian. The Internet did not break at the sight of her tits. Though, it moved a little.

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ALEJANDRA GUILMANT TOPLESS AND MASKED IN THE DESERT

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We are often prone to philosophical debates. Like, would the world be a better place if all women looked like Alejandra Guilmant? On the one hand, all the women would be extremely hot with oversized tits. And that’s a plus. But on the other hand, if every woman is exceptional, then none is. And would we even know? Because beautiful is only beautiful because ugly exists. Without the ugly, how would you know what is beautiful. And then there’s the fact that every woman would look the same. No variety. And variety is the spice of life. The adage “the only thing better than pussy is new pussy” wouldn’t really apply, if all pussy was the same. Cause then it wouldn’t really be new. But all women looking the same means women would be judged on their character and not their looks. And some women would like that (ugly women). Well, it is pointless, because all women do not look like Alejandra Guilmant. That is why when Alejandra poses topless in the desert, it is something to look at and admire.

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DAKOTA JOHNSON GOT ALL HER FRIENDS NAKED INTO THE FAPPENING

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The first rule of being a celebrity has to be: don’t take naked pictures of yourself on your phone. They will get hacked. The first rule of being friends with a celebrity we’ve learned is: don’t take naked pictures of yourself on his or her phone. They will get hacked. Tiger Woods learned this hard lesson, as his naked pictures were on Lindsey Vonn’s phone, which got hacked. And now all of Dakota Johnson’s friends are learning this lesson, because for some reason they like taking naked pictures with Dakota. And she got hacked. We don’t judge people. We actually love when simple lessons of life are never learned, and they result in yet another round of celebrity leaked nudes.

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ELLA ROSE INTIMATE BATHROOM NUDES KEEP THE FAPPENING INTERESTING

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Swedish model Ella Rose is New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman’s baby mama. Now, we’ve all seen Ella topless. But here recent bathroom mirror nude selfies are a bit more intimate. Her pictures were leaked in The Fappening, round whatever we’re on now. And we gotta say, good choice Julian. Though, she’s definitely a baby mama few of us could afford (unless we hit that Powerball jackpot, get your tickets!).

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LENA MEYER-LANDRUT TOPLESS IN MYKONOS, AS THE FAPPENING GOES ANOTHER ROUND

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We are getting inundated with nude celebrities, which can only mean one thing: The Fappening has returned. Lena Meyer-Landrut, 26, is a German singer-songwriter that you don’t know except because she was topless in Mykonos, Greece, and her pictures have been splashed onto this like 15th round of The Fappening. If topless German singers get your nipples in a twist, then today is your lucky day. Let The Fappening return.

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BITCHES CAN UNFOLLOW MAGDALENA FRACKOWIAK, CAUSE SHE DON’T GIVE TWO FUCKS

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Polish model Magdalena Frackowiak just don’t give a fuck if you don’t want to see her tits. She is going to show them anyway. She posted topless pictures to Instagram, saying, “ANY PROBLEM ? … B* THAT HAVE A PROBLEM CAN UNFOLLOW”. And Instagram has yet to take her pictures down. We of course had no problem, and continue to follow Magdalena. Whether you do is up to you.



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CHOCOTRAVEL USED NUDE WOMEN IN ITS COMMERCIAL AND GOT MORE PUBLICITY THAN THEY WANTED

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ChocoTravel, a travel company based in Kazakhstan, tried to create some attention around its travel services, and overshot that mark by a few thousand miles. Its recent advertising commercial, featuring nude flight attendants has make news around the globe. It was shared 71,000 times on Facebook and viewed more than 31,000 times on YouTube in the past two days. The video starts with a close-up of cap-wearing female flight attendants, from the neck up, and after the screen widens out, the women are fully nude but covered by a banner across the screen and a small hat. We thought it clever, sexy and fun. The Internet (the lesbian and liberal wing of it) thought it “tasteless” and “unpleasant”. To balance out the criticism of the video being sexist, ChocoTravel came out with a nude male video the next day.

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DANNIELLA WESTBROOK TOPLESS REALIZES BREAST IMPLANTS DON’T FLOAT

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British actress Danniella Westbrook is 43 going on 73. She just finished a stint in rehab for her cocaine addition. She just got a facelift and breast implants in an attempt to recapture when she was 22 going on 42. As she showed off her new face, Danniella warned others of the dangers of cosmetic surgery. She said, “I’m petrified. I’m petrified that it won’t work and my face will be ruined, but also that something might go wrong and I won’t wake up at all. People don’t realise surgery isn’t worth it.” She was in Spain recently, and also decided to show off her new tits in addition to her new face. She tried floating on her back. But quickly realized, fake tits don’t float.

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ASHLEY HART TOPLESS, LOOKS LIKE TWO PIERCED CUPCAKES

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Model Ashley Hart, 27, is in demand…in Australia. She still constantly lives in the shadow of her much hotter supermodel sister, Jessica Hart. But it was all Ashley recently in Tulum, Mexico, when she decided to go topless. Now, while this made news, we feel it was for all the wrong reasons. We couldn’t help but focus our attention on Ashley’s breasts (which tends to happen when you’re topless, well, a topless female anyway). And they were less than quality. We’ll be accused of body shaming. But we’re just pointing out the obvious. She’s packed two pierced cupcakes at best. And while it makes us hungry for cupcakes, it isn’t exactly on the right side of supermodel sexy. Though, we still love them cupcakes.

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INDIA WESTBROOKS WON’T BE DENIED

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India Westbrooks is a bit like Kim Kardashian, but not as successful at the reality television and social media celebrity gig. Kim has 102 million followers on Instagram. India only has 3.2 million. But only 3.2 million is still 3.2 million, and cannot be denied. India is the same. She won’t be denied her presence. She posted a topless picture on her Instagram and Snapchat. And you can’t deny her.

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JESSICA WALL IS JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL WHO WENT TO INTERNATIONAL TOPLESS MODEL

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Jessica Wall is just another girl from the Midwest. That is, until she moved to New York City, and Ford Models took her international. Now she is just another girl from the Midwest who is able to show her tits to the world, and not just on Twitter. She did an interview talking about her jump into the big leagues, saying, “I truthfully didn’t think I would ever go beyond Chicago. I didn’t view modeling as a dream and I definitely don’t try to have a plan. I just take it day to day and work hard because, in the end, that will make me happier than worrying about the future.” And just look at her now, from her recent shoot with Laura Palm.

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TONI GARRN TOPLESS IN MAJORCA

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German model Toni Garrn, 25, let her top down while vacationing in Majorca, Spain. This isn’t exactly news, as Toni has been photographed topless on beaches all over the world, as well as in magazines. But it ain’t something we mind seeing again.

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HEATHER MARIANNA TOPLESS MALIBU BALCONY

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Heather Marianna is a self-made YouTube DIY beauty queen. She’s like the reality television Martha Stewart for beauty products. Since 2012, she has amassed millions of followers on YouTube, according to Heather. She doesn’t often make headlines, but she was openly topless on her balcony in Malibu recently, and that tends to make headlines, even for YouTube celebrities. Now, it might have been that Heather didn’t think anyone was down on the streets eyeing her room. And why would she? She isn’t that big of a celebrity. But she overlooked one inescapable fact. Everyone wants to see your tits, no matter who you are. And someone is always looking. Lesson learned, Heather.

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FUTURE’S “MY COLLECTION” FEATURES BEVY OF TOPLESS WOMEN

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Not since the heydays of the Playboy mansion have we seen one man surrounded by so many topless women. We don’t know whether rapper Future channeled his inner-Hugh Hefner, but the product came out the same. His new video “My Collection,” is just Future rapping and a tons of topless women around him. It was pure musical genius, even if you don’t like his music.

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JESSICA SIMPSON OFFERS UP HER ASS IN TOPLESS POOL PICTURE

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It just wouldn’t be summer without celebrities putting their asses up in the air and posting topless pictures on Instagram. Jessica Simpson was in the summer spirit this week, when she posted her topless ass onto her page, saying, “Kiss My Butt 36”. Anytime, Jessica, anytime.

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PRETTY LITTLE LIAR SHAY MITCHELL TOPLESS IN GREECE

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Shay Mitchell, 30, is a Pretty Little Liar, or at least she plays one on television. She was topless on the beach in Mykonos, Greece, after shooting the series finale of the show. She was with a female friend, who was also topless. Since Shay is Canadian, it is safe to assume she wasn’t putting on a show for the 4th of July, but this of course is what the Founding Founders were fighting for.

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