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PARIS HILTON DROPPED SOME INFLAMED #VALENTINESVIBES

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Last week, the original sex tape queen, Paris Hilton, dropped a series of black and white pictures that she labeled, “#ValentinesVibes”. In a series of messages with the images, she said, “She doesn’t speak too much but she leaves the most interesting conversations. She is a thinker. She has her style. There’s something so deep in her eyes. That’s why everybody stares at her. She has a beautiful soul. She had a power & she’s not afraid to be different. She is the art….,” “She’s all about mystery, adventure & risk. And her heart was wild & full of magic,” “She has the soul of a gypsy. The heart of a hippie & the spirit of a fairy…,” and “She’s mad, but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire…” We could have done without the quotes, but the pictures were definitely fire.

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MAITLAND WARD GAVE UP THE NIPPLES FOR VALENTINE’S DAY

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Maitland Ward Baxter, 40, is always good for flashing her tits for holidays, for cosplay, for just the hell of showing her tits. That’s why we appreciate the former Boy Meets World actress. We are undoubtedly fans, which is why we interviewed her for SINN & SKINN last year. This year, Maitland offered everyone another view of her breasts, partly covered in lingerie, but see through nonetheless, for Valentine’s Day. We aren’t going to do a whole Valentine’s Day recap of every celebrity who flashed some skin or ass yesterday. But Maitland is a favorite.

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COUPLES DRAMATICALLY DROP OFF OF PORHUB AT 9PM, THE LONELY LOOK FOR LOVE AND ROMANCE PORN ON VALENTINE’S DAY

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According to Pornhub.com, men and women (we are assuming couples) start dropping like flies from the website at 9PM on Valentine’s Day, representing a 17% drop off of average traffic. That’s the witching hour for couples looking to get a little Valentine’s Day nookie, when “love” or hormone seems to be the strongest and the chances for getting a blowjob the highest, that is, if you bought flowers and candy. But for the poor saps that have nothing but a pocket pussy or a big black dildo to comfort them on Valentine’s Day, they are still believers, in love and all that, and increasingly searching for porn with terms like “love,” “passionate” and “romance.” Strangely, “rough sex” and “babysitter” also see a spike on Valentine’s Day, but we could think of stranger. Babysitter sort of makes sense, cause you’d think the guy in any couple with kids, is thinking of getting back and banging the hot babysitter. But funny enough, babysitter searches increased more for women than men on Valentine’s Day, 34% to 13% respectively. So fact is, it’s likely the woman thinking about bisexual pussy scissoring with the hot babysitter (the guy likely just thinking of watching). Happy Valentine’s Day…

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DONALD TRUMP VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS THAT ARE SO WRONG BUT FEEL SO RIGHT

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Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. If you haven’t figured out the right way to tell someone how much you love them, perhaps president Donald Trump can help. Valentine’s Day cards featuring parodies of some of the president’s most famous lines from his unconventional campaign have been circulating the Internet. Here is a sample of some of the best from a collection we found. You know there had to be a pussy one. (We do not advise you to give this to someone, unless you are both die-hard Trump fans and you get a hard on or lady wood at just the sight of the man. But it’s a free country, right? Well, not if your an immigrant, Muslim, or a woman not willing to have her pussy grabbed at random by celebrities (but what woman doesn’t want that?))

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ASHLEY SMITH GAP-TOOTHED, LINGERIED, AND HEART NIPPLE PASTIED FOR LOVE AND LEMONS VALENTINE’S DAY COLLECTION

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We still are not buying the gap-toothed model look. Like we haven’t fully bought into the plus-sized model look. It really comes down to the model, and in this case, the model is Ashley Smith. She put her gap-toothed look to work for Love and Lemons’ Valentine’s collection, and, as we said, while we can’t endorse the look generally, Ashley definitely makes it look good, probably because we were distracted by the heart-shaped nipple pasties. Though, we think the best gift if your girlfriend surprises you on Valentine’s Day, in Love and Lemons lingerie, and looking like Ashley, that you get her an orthodontist appointment.

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STEAK AND A BLOWJOB DAY IS COMING! MARCH 14

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If preparations are not already underway, you need to get ready, cause if you got yours on Valentine’s Day, it’s time for him to get his on March 14, officially Steak and a Blowjob Day. It feels like a line from Austin Powers, when Goldmember says, “Would you like a smoke and a pancake? You know, flapjack and a cigarette? No? All right. Cigar and a waffle? No? Pipe and a crepe? No? Bong and a blintz? No? Oh, well, then there is no pleasing you.” We bet it wouldn’t been different had he offered a a steak and a blowjob, especially one from Beyonce who was flanking him in that scene. We don’t know when or how Steak and a Blowjob Day started, all we know is it is a holiday, hopefully soon to be recognized by Congress, and so you have to celebrate. Seriously, just Google it if you don’t believe us. And then get to work. Even if you don’t have a boyfriend, there are plenty of guys out there who could use a steak and a blowjob. It’s the civic thing to do.

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SARA JEAN UNDERWOOD IS HOT AS HELL, AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT THE AD SAYS

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We have come to a point of general acceptance and trust for just about everything said in advertising campaigns, because, why would big business lie to us? We’re for less government and more corporations running loose trying to sell us shit with catchy slogans and women half-dressed in lingerie. Because, frankly, the truth sucks. We like being lied to. In advertising, in entertainment, in just about every visual aspect of life. If we wanted a dose of reality, we’d watch PBS. But nobody does, except for Sesame Street, cause it’s fucking hilarious when you are high (try it some time). So we can only believe it when Yandy tells us that Sara Jean Underwood is Hot as Hell, but we knew that already.

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SARA SAMPIO IS VALENTINE’S DAY COME EARLY FOR VICTORIA’S SECRET

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Beside the horses, Sara Sampaio, 24, is one of the most beautiful things produced by Portugal. She recently signed up as one of the ten newest Victoria’s Secret angels. While Valentine’s Day may be a ways off, Sara was partly naked with hearts on her body, selling lingerie in advance of the big day. We’re sold, not that it would have been too hard. Sara Sampaio half naked sells us any day of the week.

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VALENTINE’S DAY PORN HOUR AT HOTMOVIES.COM

HotMovies.com is giving you free porn for an hour today, in celebration of Valentine’s Day. It is calling it the “Afternoon Delight” running from 2:00PM to 3:00PM EST on HotMovies.com and HotMoviesForHer.com. “We struggled with whether we should go traditional, with chocolates and flowers, or kick it up a notch with something a little kinkier, but ultimately, we figured out the puuuurfect gift – an Afternoon Delight!” says HotMovies. “Enjoy an afternoon delight of all the tasty treats we have to offer – totally free! It’s the perfect way to surf early to pick out the perfect flick to watch with your loved one after the romantic dinner is done. Or just to get a little midday release! Those of you on the west coast should consider taking an early lunch, while we here on the east coast should push that lunch hour back to take advantage of this delicious deal.”



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