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DESHAUN WATSON AND PORN STAR MIA KHALIA PLAYING NERF BASKETBALL BEFORE HIS NFL START FOR THE HOUSTON TEXANS, LUCKY GUY

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Right before his NFL start on Thursday Night Football, Houston Texans quarterback Deshaun Watson received a special message from his friend, former porn star Mia Khalifa. She posted a video of the two of them together playing nerf basketball, saying, “Happy birthday, @deshaunwatson! For the record, I let u block that dunk cause ur a rookie and I didn’t wanna risk hurting you before game 1”. Fans were quick to react. One said, “Deshaun ABORT ABORT this is a bad road you’re going down”. Another said, “Deshaun Watson is spending his bday with Mia Khalifa. Dont care what happens from here, he’s my favorite NFL QB ever”. And yet another wrote, “Not today Satan. Us @HoustonTexans fans have suffered enough”. The two best we think were, “A plot leading into a porn scene” and “Career ruined. She has a Kardishan similar type curse”. Take if from Lamar Odom, Deshaun… But on the other hand, Mia Khalifa might just be worth it.



sMIA1

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PORN STARS NOT SO POLITELY ASK TED CRUZ TO STOP WATCHING PORN

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Porn Stars Joanna Angel, Mercedes Carrera, Dana DeArmond, Mandy Muse, and Jaclyn Taylor have a message for Texas Senator Ted Cruz: Stop watching porn. This new Funny or Die video comes just days after Lying Ted got caught liking Cory Chase porn on Twitter. And we have to say, this video was actually funny. “Bottom line is we don’t want our films anywhere near Ted Cruz, because he’s too gross,” said Mercedes Carrera. She added, “I have seen things you can’t imagine coming out of the anuses of some of my co-workers.” Dana DeArmond said, “I’ve snorted cum.” And Joanna Angel finished saying, “And Ted Cruz is grosser than all of that combined. It’s like not even close.” “How am I supposed to explain to my family that Ted Cruz might watch my videos?” said Mercedes in closing. It was funny.



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LIZ ASHLEY BOOB LOVE AND NUDE POOLSIDE

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Liz Ashley, 34, is another beautiful blonde from Texas who once posed nude for Playboy, and then for just about everywhere else as a centerfold, nude model. Nowadays, as she is playing the back nine of her nude model career, she seems to be building up a body video credits on Vimeo.com for a number of videographers. We were watching them most of the morning, and pulled the two we loved the most, one of her just massaging her boobs and another of her nude by the pool. We think she’s still got the stuff.





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KATIE KOURIC ASKING SEX QUESTIONS IS FUNNIER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK

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Katie Kouric is 60. So sex and Katie Kouric are not the two words we would free associate, ever. Maybe 30 years ago. Maybe. Maybe 20. And so when we heard about a video of Katie asking sex questions, like “Do you watch porn,” we weren’t all that interested. But when we found out Katie admitted that she buys hotel room porn and watches about 30 seconds (premature orgasms), and then feels guilty about paying for it, we decided maybe it was worth watching. We still will never free associate sex and Katie Kouric, but the video was mildly funny, for Katie Kouric.



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CHOCOTRAVEL USED NUDE WOMEN IN ITS COMMERCIAL AND GOT MORE PUBLICITY THAN THEY WANTED

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ChocoTravel, a travel company based in Kazakhstan, tried to create some attention around its travel services, and overshot that mark by a few thousand miles. Its recent advertising commercial, featuring nude flight attendants has make news around the globe. It was shared 71,000 times on Facebook and viewed more than 31,000 times on YouTube in the past two days. The video starts with a close-up of cap-wearing female flight attendants, from the neck up, and after the screen widens out, the women are fully nude but covered by a banner across the screen and a small hat. We thought it clever, sexy and fun. The Internet (the lesbian and liberal wing of it) thought it “tasteless” and “unpleasant”. To balance out the criticism of the video being sexist, ChocoTravel came out with a nude male video the next day.

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BOSS FUCKING UBER DRIVER GETS A BLOWJOB WHILE PASSENGER RECORDS IN THE BACK, SO THAT GUY PROBABLY GOT FIRED

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Aner Manuel got the Uber ride of his life in Boston. But Aner wasn’t happy with the incredible pornographic show he got so he complained. According to Aner, his Uber driver kissed and got oral sex from a woman, who may or may not have been a prostitute. He posted his account to Facebook (and released then the video he took from the back seat — you can hear Aner asking the driver “man, stop” and getting out of the car):

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“On Sunday July 16th I received the most dangerous and inappropriate uber ride ever. As I approached my uber, I noticed there was a passenger in the front seat. I double checked to make sure I didn’t select UberPool, and then approached the car. I assumed it may have been a family member of some sort. As we pulled off the female in the front (who was clearly on drugs) attempted to open the door and could not even sit straight as the vehicle was in motion. She then began to grope him and grab him. They began to kiss and she began loosening his belt. As we got further and further from my pickup location I had no idea where I was, so I had to stay in the car. She then proceeded to perform oral sex. This was my last straw. I asked the driver to drop me off. Since I’ve contacted uber and they refunded me for trip and gave me a “$10 credit”. They’ve seen this video and are still “investigating”. They have been extremely bad at answering any messages I’ve sent, and I demand something gets done. This is not okay!”






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PORN STAR MIA KHALIFA PLAYS SISKEL AND EBERT, CAUSE NOW SHE’S A MOVIE CRITIC

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Former porn star Mia Khalifa is now playing movie critic. She recently took to critiquing Christopher Nolan’s latest film, Dunkirk, which is centered on the evacuation of Allied soldiers from the North of France during World War II. Mia started on Twitter, saying, “I love Chris Nolan more than I love my dogs, but Dunkirk sucked more dick than I did in 2014”. She then posted a video critic on YouTube. She wrote in the description, “Jerf is drugged and swollen from his wisdom teeth extraction, but we managed to get out of the house and watch Dunkirk. We were less than impressed and both agreed, had we not possessed basic knowledge regarding the rescue at the beaches of Dunkirk, we would have had no fucking clue what was going on in this movie…. 7/10, though. Chris Nolan can do no wrong.” Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 92 out of 100 and the film has mostly received praise. But Mia wasn’t having it. “I didn’t know if this whole thing lasted 23 hours or if the rescue mission took like two and a half months,” Mia said. “You never knew what time of day it was, what the fucking temperature was… I’m like, ‘What the fuck is going on?'” She added, “Did this end World War II, or was this like… a random battle? You could not tell. There was no context.” Mia’s no Siskel and Ebert, but she was still a hot fucking porn star.

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sMIA1 sMIA2

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PORN STAR ELIZABETH STARR’S O CUP IMPLANTS ARE LEAKING, SO SHE WENT ON “BOTCHED”

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Porn star Elizabeth Starr, 47, got her tits super-sized implants in 1999, going from from a 38F chest up to her current O-cup size, with 4,000cc polypropylene implants. They leaked. But Elizabeth didn’t have them removed, because she built a porn name around her gigantic tits. They continued to leak to the point where she finally on the show “Botched!” with surgeons Terry Dubrow and Paul Nassif, to see what she could do. “My right breast was bright red and swollen and I felt weak and shaky,” Elizabeth told the doctors. “But the infection gradually ate a hole in my right breast the size of a one-dollar piece. The pain was unbearable.” The doctors of course said to take them out. And now Elizabeth is sound the alarm for the one or two women in the world who have ever gone as far as she has, “If you are going to attempt to try to become as busty as I am you are putting yourself at extreme risk.” No shit, Sherlock.

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LINDSEY PELAS PUTS HER “NICE PILLOWS” TO WORK

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Nest Bedding, a pillow manufacturer, used Lindsey Pelas’ gigantic tits in a campy SFW commercial bid to get you to buy their pillows. It showed minimal cleavage. And for Lindsey, who has posed nude (see below), we felt this was a gigantic underutilization of her assets. But it was kinda funny, in a hokey sorta way. But if you want airtime on any major network, you gotta play it safe. But what’s the fun in that?

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LENATHEPLUG TALKS ABOUT LETTING HER GIRL FUCK HER MAN

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Lena Nersesian (or LenaThePlug) has almost 900,000 subscribers on her YouTube channel; her description reads: “Come for the booty, stay for my irresistible charm.” Lena has so many followers because of her often sexual and titillating subject matter. Take her most recent controversy causing video. “I Let My Best Friend Have Sex With My Boyfriend,” which features Lena and her friend Emily in black underwear discussing the threesome they are about to have with Lena’s boyfriend. Lena says, “I trust Emily and thought this would be kind of fun. Girls share their sexual stories with each other, friends tell each other everything.” She adds, “Emily’s seen pictures of Adam’s dick, she knows all about our sex life I tell her everything. Now I don’t have to tell her, she can just try his penis.” Her boyfriend, Adam, of course is pleased to help out. Lena said, “I’ve been seeing Adam for a few months and we are both sexually pretty open to having other girls join, it’s kind of weird and controversial to have your best friend join.” Adam said, “Let me just say, I can’t even wrap my fucking head around how my life got to the point where I’m engaging in – not only this activity in the first place – but with two girls that look like this.” The video has nearly 8 million views since Lena first posted it in January 2017.

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FUTURE’S “MY COLLECTION” FEATURES BEVY OF TOPLESS WOMEN

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Not since the heydays of the Playboy mansion have we seen one man surrounded by so many topless women. We don’t know whether rapper Future channeled his inner-Hugh Hefner, but the product came out the same. His new video “My Collection,” is just Future rapping and a tons of topless women around him. It was pure musical genius, even if you don’t like his music.

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sFUT1



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BIKINI BOTTOM SLIPS AND BLONDE SHOWS SHAVED PUSSY WHILE RIDING MECHANICAL BULL

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When your pussy pops out into public view while riding a mechanical bull, sometimes all you can do is laugh and go with it (and try to get your bikini bottoms back on quickly). At some “fair organized not far from a seaside resort,” a hot blonde in a bikini tried to ride the popular mechanical bull, and the vibrations proved to be too much for her apparently loosely tied bikini bottoms. And when your friends are standing taking a video, well, it ain’t long before the entire world has watched her shaved pussy circumnavigate the globe as the video goes viral. Laugh it off and get back on the bull…

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ANNA XIAO IN BROOKLYN (SHORT VIDEO)

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Anna Xiao in Brooklyn is a short video by Tony Ellis. He has a series of girls in New York on Vimeo. Anna X. is his most recent. We’ve seen a couple other videos of Anna on Vimeo, but this is her first fully nude. We also checked out her Instagram page @annaxiaoig. She mostly sells her videos on her private website. But here’s the free preview.

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EMILY LANCE MADE THE MISTAKE OF POSTING A VIDEO OF HERSELF PEEING ON AN AMERICAN FLAG IN A TOILET BOWL, AND AMERICANS DIDN’T REACT TOO KINDLY

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Emily Lance has to be about the dumbest dumb fuck on the planet. She posted a video on Facebook of herself urinating on an American flag draped over her toilet bowl. She used a funnel to get every drop perfectly splashed across the flag, while enabling her to stand over it, and of course serve as a pseudo dick. She really laid it on thick, entitling her post, “Fuck your nationalism. Fuck your country. Fuck your stupid fucking flag.” Emily’s from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, by the way. People didn’t like it of course. Emily, being the dumb fuck she is, didn’t care. “Freedom (of speech/expression) means that I’m entitled to do and say as I please, EVEN if you don’t like it, so long as I am not physically hurting someone,” she posted. “And no, your precious feelings don’t count, that’s your own problem.” Well, it’s become Emily’s problem, as she has received death and rape threats. (You knew it was coming.). Emily continued to lash out. “People are willing to MURDER someone over a flag. It’s so sad that people don’t realize how brainwashed they are,” she wrote. “I’m gross for peeing on a symbol? LOOK AT YOURSELVES. You people epitomize all that is foul.” Oh but ain’t that America, for you and me / Ain’t that America, we’re something to see baby / Ain’t that America, home of the free, yeah / Little pink houses for you and me, oh for you and me. Who doesn’t love John Cougar Mellencamp? And when you fuck with the American flag, yeah baby, you’re gonna get a taste of America. Emily has since deleted her Facebook post, but that ain’t never going away.

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CHANELLE MCCLEARY GAGS ON A BANANA COCK IN A CONDOM DEMONSTRATION CLIP

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Big Brother dropped an education clip of the show featuring Chanelle McClearly showing Isabelle Warburton how to put a condom on a penis, using a banana in lieu of an actual penis. It is amusing but tame. We were about to pass until Chanelle gagged on the banana cock while trying to deep throat it to put the condom on. It made up from 2 minutes that really didn’t go anywhere. It was the climax if you will. It starts off with some banter that makes you think it will be good, with Chanelle saying, “Sexual intercourse can come in many different forms. But ideally, the penis will enter the vagina.” Ideally, of course. But that really depends on who you ask, cause some girls like for the penis to enter the anus too. Chanelle continues, “Penises come in all different sizes. It could be little or big.” The banana was pretty big, which is why she gagged when taking it down. As we said, we were amused, briefly.

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LFL PLAYER SONIA OSSELBORN GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT

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Sonia Osselborn is injured. She plays for the Pittsburgh Rebellion in the LFL, formerly the Lingerie Football League (they ditched the name “Lingerie” for “Legends” but still kept the lingerie on the field). She walked over from the sidelines and tried to get into it with Omaha Heart’s Amanda Hogan, after a touchdown. Amanda just knocked her the fuck out. These LFL bitches are not playing.

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