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TEXAS MAN WAS LAPDANCED TO DEATH, AND OH GOD, WHAT A WAY TO GO

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Robert Gene White had the time of his life, literally, at the Red Parrot strip club. El Paso, Texas County sheriff’s officials said the 67-year-old man died at the club Friday night. According to the manager, after getting rounds of lap dances, when it came time to pay, he was found was unresponsive. Employees are said to have tried to perform CPR on poor Robert, but it didn’t work and they called emergency responders. Robert was transported to an area hospital and according to reports, died from natural causes. What the didn’t say of course was he clearly died a happy man, cause he got rounds of free lap dances right before talking that sweet plunge into whatever you believe happens when you die. Robert, you horny devil.

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